


Welcome Home

by sentimentalblue



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Gangs, Language!, Mentions of sex trafficking, Smut, Violence, mature content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 82,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentimentalblue/pseuds/sentimentalblue
Summary: Eren and Mikasa meet again after four years. They've been dealt a bad hand in their destiny and were forced to be separated. Eren's been in jail, while Mikasa's been living in Japan. What happens when their paths merge once again? Will they allow their feelings for each other flourish or will Mikasa's pride and Eren's thirst for revenge get in the way?
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 86
Kudos: 237





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I finished watching Banana Fish and this is what came out after watching the last episode. I'm currently watching Breaking Bad, too. So if some parts remind you of those shows, it will be from that!  
> ***Disclaimer: I know nothing about gangs and gang life. 
> 
> I hope to finish this, so please be patient and enjoy!

It all comes in flashes. Blurry red and blue police sirens blaring in the distance. A helicopter whirling and shining it’s curious light through the dingy, shady neighborhood we live in. The two cops are shouting while they hold a tear stained Eren against the broken asphalt. Eren desperately tries to fight them as he yells my name with his hoarse broken voice.

_“Mikasa! Why? Why us!”_

A bored looking detective stiffly standing in front of the baths of crimson blood pooled underneath the lifeless bodies of Eren’s parents. Then there was me. A cold shivering girl standing in the middle of the chaos, gripping her red scarf with nowhere to go and no one to turn to.

At least that’s what I thought, until an aunt I didn’t know about flew from Japan to pick me up a few days later. I was defiant when she told me to go with her. I was just a girl of fifteen who needed a legal guardian to stay with. Levi was not an option as he was a notorious gangster wanted all over the country. Also we hated each other’s guts, even if we held more similarities than we cared to admit.

My mind was made up, I was going to find a way to stay by Eren’s side even if the court system was hell bent on separating us. It wasn’t until Kiyomi, my unknown aunt, held me in place after we heard Eren’s sentencing, and told me that our plane would leave the next day.

I begged her not to take me, but then she said those words, “Who do you think told me to come get you?”

I shook my head and yelled at her in disbelief, pushing her away every time she tried to get close.

“He didn’t! He wouldn’t!”

She had grown tired of my unruly behavior and slapped me to get me to calm down, and I’d never been angrier in my life. Why would she lie? He would never let me leave like this without a word crossed between us? She didn’t know him how I did, at least that’s what I had foolishly believed.

The morning of my flight, I went to visit the correctional facility he was going to call home for the next ten years. I had to hear it from him. I couldn’t leave like this. I waited impatiently and jumped to my feet every time they’d open the door, hoping that it'd be him, but every time the door opened he failed to walk through it. I waited for an hour, until an officer walked up to me to inform me that Eren didn’t want to see me. I stupidly told the man he was mistaken and I waited another hour. Then the same officer came out with a note from Eren. I desperately opened the thin sheet of paper telling myself that he was maybe sick and couldn’t physically see me, and the note would maybe confirm this. The sliver of hope I silently prayed for disappeared when I saw that word written in his familiar hasty writing.

_LEAVE_

One word. That’s all it took for me to make up my mind. A few hours later I was on my way to my mother’s home country. A country I’d never set foot on. A country whose tongue I barely recognized. That was four years ago. Four long years ago.

**∞**

“Miss? Miss?”

My eyes slowly blink open to find a flight attendant peering down at me with the fakest smile known to man. “We’re almost landing and I need you to buckle your seatbelt.” I turn to the faded orange light showing a pair of painted hands buckling their seat belt. I nod at the flight attendant and move to buckle myself. Once she sees the job is done she walks away.

I’m here already. That didn’t feel like an eleven hour flight at all. I stare out the window and see the familiar backed up highways of L.A. with the dry rolling hills painted in the background against the cerulean sky. I cringe just looking at the traffic. However, soon my criticism of L.A. traffic is interrupted by the pilot, who speaks through the speaker:

“And we are finally here ladies and gentlemen in the famed city of angels. The city where dreams come true! Thank you for flying with us and we hope to see you again. The local time is 9:00 a.m.”

I snort at the mention of the _city of angels_. It’s more like the city of _devils!_ They lurk underneath the glitz and glamour of this city. I pity the people who think it’s a dreamland and ignorantly flock here in chase of a dream. They don’t know this city like I do. They don’t know about the invisible blood it is marred with. But then again, _why am I really back?_

**∞**

“Mikasa! Ah!”

Sasha yells from the pick-up driveway as she jumps out of a beaten old truck. She runs towards me with open inviting arms even as the traffic officer yells behind her to not leave the vehicle unattended.

_Sasha_. I’ve missed her terribly. She takes me into her arms upon contact and I let her attempt to carry me as she hugs me. She then gawks at me from head to toe.

“Look at you! What the hell! You’re out here giving models a run for their money!”

I’m about to thank her for her compliment, but I see the traffic officer take out his ticket pad and busies himself writing.

“Sasha, he’s writing you a ticket!”

Sasha turns around to see the traffic cop writing Sasha’s license plate number. Her face is instantly one of horror, as she runs to the man.

“We’re leaving! We’re leaving! I haven’t seen her in four years! Come on!”

The officer has a grim line painted on his lips as he hands Sasha her ticket. Sasha closes her eyes and crumples the ticket in her hand, as if crumpling the piece of paper could make it disappear from the system. Afterwards, we climb into her car and I instantly notice the familiar squeaking door, the rusted hood, and the smell of french fries that fails to disappear even as the french fries themselves have.

“Your dad still has this car?”

“Yup, but it’s mine now!”

Sasha gives me her forever bright smile as she runs a hand through my short strands of hair. I’ve been sort of nervous about cutting my hair so short, but it’s the most convenient hairstyle, so I went for it.

“I like it.”

“You don’t think it’s too short?”

“You pull it off.”

She goes in for another hug. This one’s tighter as she crashes her chest tightly against mine. She speaks against my ear.

“I’ve missed you.”

“You act as if we didn’t talk on the phone every other night.”

“It’s not the same.”

She turns to the road ahead and nervously drums her finger as she pulls the car out of the driveway. She opens her mouth several times throughout the car ride, like she wants to tell me something. However, every time she does it, she closes it like an adult closing a cookie jar to an overindulgent child. After fifteen minutes of this, she finally speaks.

“Eren’s out tomorrow. On parole.”

Even as the car radio plays that repetitive annoying pop song that seems to be playing in every corner of the world, the car drowns in silence. I clear my throat and look out the window.

“I’m here to see Levi, that’s all. Then I go back. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Sasha doesn’t say anything as she continues driving. I lean my head against the vibrating car window and instead focus on the green traffic signs directing me closer to a life I had seized to know.

**∞**

Three gray concrete walls and a barred gate. The same walls, same faces, same shit, different day. The anger inside me simmers within me at a low heat, but no doubt it’s there waiting to blow like a volcano, ready to destroy everything in its path. It’s been four years of me waiting. There were days where I just wanted to start swinging my fist and take out all my pent up rage on the poor sucker who tried me. I sometimes did. When the guards wouldn’t look, I’d go all out, until my fists were bruised and my skin was a bloodied broken mess. I’d never hear a peep from anyone after that. That’s how I got my reputation here, Eren Yeager, the devil.

If a guard will look at my bloody fists, I’d slip a couple bills in their hands, and they’d turn a blind eye, except for Hannes, who’d scold me and take me to the infirmary. He never reported anything though, so my behavior looked good on paper. When I stood in front of the judge a couple weeks ago, he congratulated me and told me that I’d be out on parole. Tomorrow’s the day I’m out, and there’s nothing more that I want than to get my revenge, and then I can die a happy man.

_Liar!_

I ignore that pesky voice in the back of my head as I involuntarily glance at my pillow. I’ve been meaning to throw all the letters she’s sent me, but I keep forgetting. I’ll do it tomorrow before I leave. For sure.

_You can’t get rid of them!_

Again, I continue to ignore that voice. I have to stop thinking about her. She stopped writing to me about a year ago anyway. I assume that she’s happy where she’s at, she’s moved on.

_But you haven’t._

Screw you voice! Fuck it, I’ll just count the hours I have left in this shithole. I just move forward and tomorrow is the day I begin with the first phase of my revenge. 

**∞**

Sasha and I sit on a pair of worn out lawn chairs in her front porch and watch the cars drive by. I look around the neighborhood and notice that there are a lot of unfamiliar faces and maybe one or two familiar ones. 

The sun’s out like always. It wouldn’t be L.A. if the sun doesn’t shine. A part of me misses the never failing sunrays making their regular display. Too much rain in Japan, I guess. Not that I mind. Besides, Japan gave me the opportunity to increase my umbrella collection. 

“Armin’s coming tomorrow from college.”

“Does he know I’m here?”

“Obviously! I told him and he immediately promised to come see you.” 

A smile tugs at my lips with the excitement of seeing my favorite blonde. We kept in contact through texts every now and then, with promises of him visiting Japan once he finished college. But thanks to Levi’s bad luck, I beat Armin to it. Speaking of Levi. 

“What have you heard about the short man?” 

Sasha throws her head back laughing at my nickname for Levi and gasps. 

“He’d be pointing a gun at you if he heard you call him that!” 

“Can he even point a gun anymore?” 

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. It’s a miracle he survived that shoot out to be honest. I heard from Connie that Zeke was really close to finishing him off!” 

I take a slow sip of the sweet lemonade Sasha’s mom brought out and put my sunglasses on as I focus on a pair of birds flying in the sky. Ah, to be a bird flying freely in the sky, uncaged by the rules and laws of society. Frankly, I don’t want to hear about gangs. I hate them. They’re so stupid, especially the people who join them to defend a territory that doesn’t even have their name on it. 

Reiner is stupid. Zeke is stupid. Levi is stupid. All of them. 

Because of them many innocent people have lost their lives. People like my parents and Eren’s parents.  _ Eren _ . And there I go thinking about him again. 

“I thought Zeke would grow tired of running a gang by now.” 

Sasha remains quiet. I turn to her and take my sunglasses off halfway down my face and peer at her. She only gets this quiet when she has something to say. 

“What?” 

Sasha shakes her head quickly. Way too quickly. She’s hiding something from me, I’m sure. Shall I dare ask? Do I even need to know?

“Tell me,” I demand. 

Sasha takes her lips between her teeth and nervously rolls the soft plump skin between them. She suddenly brings her head between her hands and folds herself over in anguish between her knees. 

“But, you told me not to talk about him!”

Oh- it’s about him. I should tell Sasha that I don’t want to know. To keep whatever information she has about him to herself and that I could give a rat’s ass about what happens with him. But I don’t tell her that. Instead, I wait for Sasha to continue talking. Her lips fall into a frown as she looks at me with deep sorrowful eyes. 

“Zeke doesn’t run the gang anymore... Eren does.” 

Eren? A gang leader? No. I shake my head in disbelief and my lemonade spills on top of my hands. Am I shaking? 

“How? He’s in prison? It makes no sense.”

Sasha shrugs. And I take a napkin out of my pocket to dry my hands. 

“I don’t know, but word on the street is that Floch’s been helping him.” 

“Floch! Him? Eren hated his guts as kids!”

What the hell! I remember Eren once tried to pick a fight with him because Floch was talking bad about Armin. Why is he doing it? The shock of the news slowly fades as an eerie realization settles over me. 

Gangs only mean one thing. Death. An unwelcome chill rolls down my back at the thought. My throat grows dry and I cough as I struggle to swallow.  _ He’s not your problem Mikasa, let it go.  _

“Hello? Mikasa?” 

Sasha waves a hand in front of my face. She knits her eyebrows in concern as she tries to get my attention. 

“You said something?” 

“Yeah, have been for the last minute.”

“What’d you say?”

“I asked if you knew why Levi told you to come over?” 

“Levi?”

Right, the reason I flew here from Japan. I take a lazy sip of my drink and shrug trying to collect my composure.

“Who knows, he didn’t say.” 

We hear the door open and both Sasha and I turn around simultaneously to see Mrs. Braus wave us over, “Dinner's ready girls!” 

“Finally!” 

Sasha leaps out of her chair and I happily follow her inside. She runs straight to the kitchen, while I head to the restroom to wash my hands. As I do, I stare at my reflection and absentmindedly let the water run, lost in how cool and clean it feels on my skin. It’s almost like a baptism, washing away memories and feelings that threaten to bubble back up ever since I stepped out of the plane. 

I notice some flyaways sticking at weird angles and pat them down with some water. I move my hair behind my ear and the bathroom lights are so bright that they illuminate the scar below my right eye even as layers of light make up cover it. Argh, there he goes again, pushing himself to the forefront of my thoughts like those buoys that refuse to sink, and the sight of healed tissue isn’t any help. 

I click the bathroom door open and make my way through the familiar hallway when I see it. A silver metal frame wrapping around a picture of all of us as kids. Armin’s right there with the cutest bowl cut. Sasha sports her bangs. Connie with his never changing buzz cut. Jean with his tall lanky form. And then I see little me, with a small smile on her lips, but I’m not staring at the camera. Instead, I’m glancing at Eren, who smiles proudly with those green eyes of his shining brightly against his sun kissed skin.  _ Have I always been a lovelorn lover for him? _

That was the day the court granted Eren’s parents custody of me. I involuntarily smile at the memory. Even if it’s marred with one of my most painful memories, it happens to be one of my happiest. 

_ Come on Mikasa! Let’s go home!  _

The way he said those words that day tugged at the most tender strings of my heart. He gripped my hand into his and welcomed me into his home. I graze my fingers over the young girl and boy, thinking how it was an easier time for us. 

“Mikasa! Your food is getting cold!” Sasha interrupts my reverie. 

My hand limply falls away from the picture and I make my way to the dinner table where Sasha impatiently awaits. 

**∞**

Sasha snores loudly on the makeshift bed of covers and pillows she has made for the both of us in the middle of the living room. For the first hour of the night I close and open my eyes, turn my head to the left and to the right; I even switch pillows, but sleep doesn’t come to me. Maybe it’s because I’m jet lagged, but I’m growing frustrated as I can’t seem to find a speckle of sleep within me. 

I push the covers off me and pull a chair and sit near the dining room window which gives the perfect scenery of the night sky. This is what I swell to do when I can’t stop thinking. The Southern Californian night sky is starless. It’s all the light pollution. Only the brightest stars stand against the darkness, while the rest dwindle into the obsidian sky. 

I close my eyes and mutter a heartfelt prayer. It’s the same prayer I offer to my god night after night.  _ To take care of him even though I’m far, and to keep him out of harm’s way. _ It’s the contradiction within me. Hoping to forget him while praying night after night for his safety. 

**∞**

“Eren Jaeger.” 

A man, who could already be dead inside, sits behind thick bulletproof glass and he boredly hands me a tightly wrapped white plastic bag filled with my belongings. A crude chuckle escapes me as I see my old clothes. A pair of faded jeans, a ripped beige t-shirt, and a black cardigan, all clothes that won’t fit me anymore.

I’m about to close the bag and chuck it in the trash can, but then I see the red forgotten fabric peeking through. The scarf I gave to her. Painful memories break the shores of my mind as they flood me with remembrance of that awful night. Her pale skin flushed red around her eyes as she cried against Armin’s arms as she watched two officers forcefully shove me into the backseat of a cop car. 

I yelled at Armin to get her away, I didn’t want her seeing me like this, but she broke from his grasp and ran towards me as she uncoiled the scarf around my neck and managed to throw it at me. I remember the rage I felt when the bastard of the officer pushed her away, shoving her to the ground. 

_ “You bastard! I’ll kill you!”  _

I jumped up and hit the pig’s chin with the top of my head. They later on used the incident against me in court, which wasn’t good.  _ Prone to violent behavior  _ is what that sellout judge called it _. _

My fingers ghost over the soft warm fabric of the material.  _ How is it warm even after years of sitting in a plastic bag? How did she ever wear this in our hot weather? _ I hastily pull it out and this primal instinct pushes me to bring it close to my nose and sniff it. After all these years it still smells like her _. It smells like coming home.  _

**_Stop, Eren!_ ** _ She’s an entire ocean away from this hell. Safe.  _

I carefully fold the scarf and put it back in the bag. I guess I’ll keep it for now. I then hold the bundle of letters I promised myself to throw away, over the trash can. I need to throw them away. This is it. Right here, right now. No turning back. 

I lift up finger after finger until the bundle hangs off my pointer finger, and the bag falls inside the trash can. I walk away towards the door where the sun shines brightly and no cage can keep the wild animal inside me tame anymore. My hands rest on the door handle and I’m so close to being free, but suddenly my feet turn back to the trash can and I yell at the innocent janitor who’s about to empty it out. 

“Hey, wait! I forgot something there!” 

The janitor gives me this bewildered look and steps back from the trash can with his hands up. I bend forward and dig through the trash, feeling lucky that there’s nothing disgusting in it, and I smile when I see them. The bundle of letters wrapped tightly inside a black cloth. I hold them close to me, completely losing my composure. I clear my throat and shove the black bundle inside the white bag, as I push back a strand of loose hair behind my ear and make my walk out to freedom. Immediately when I step out the door, I hear a honk and see Floch waving his hand over the roof of his beaten up car.

“Eren! Over here!” 

I give him a casual nod and jump into the passenger seat through the window without bothering to open the door. Floch raises his eyebrows in surprise. 

“No doors in jail?” 

I don’t answer him and instead pull out a cigarette from the box inside the cup holder. Floch’s eyebrows are etched into a frown when he sees my bundle and plastic bag. 

“What’s that?” 

“None of your business. Now, where the fuck is your lighter?” 

Floch rolls his eyes, but he immediately procures a lighter from his pocket and flings it into my hand. I click the lighter and watch the flame dance for a second before lighting my cigarette. 

“What now, Eren?

“You know where to go. Reiner will pay back for everything he took from me. I’ll make sure of it.”

I hang my hand out of the window and catch a glimpse of my unruly long hair in the side mirror. I drag a slow puff of the thin cigarette sitting between my fingers, and feel the nicotine hit my throat as I blow out the smoke into a white cloud. I turn to Floch who remains idle in the driver’s seat. 

“Floch, let’s go!” 

“After you put on your seatbelt.” 

“Drive, Floch!” 

I yell at him, but I still move to buckle myself. The car tires screech to a start and we finally drive away to leave this cage behind. I stare at the white bag securely sitting on my lap and think about how she would also make a fuss about me wearing my seatbelt. This is something she would definitely do.  _ She. Dammit, Eren! There you go again.  _


	2. Under the Sand

Sasha’s AC doesn’t work and I feel the beads of sweat roll down my overheated back as I desperately roll the car window down to get some relief from the stuffy car. We’re waiting to enter this popular bakery and we haven’t even entered the parking lot yet. Sasha’s phone dings and she sighs as she looks at it. 

“Armin’s here already, why don’t you get off the car while I look for a parking spot.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah. Who knows how long it’ll take, and I don’t want Armin to wait too long for us.”

Sasha’s right. I try to hide my eagerness to leave, as I step out of the car and quickly race towards the embrace of the air conditioned bakery. As I get closer the smell of the delicious sweet buttery croissants they are famous for captures my senses, and there’s no denying the kick in my steps as I get closer. 

I enter the bakery and I am immediately met by the cool air conditioner air. Upon seeing the amount of people roaming the bakery, I pull out my phone to call Armin. It’ll be impossible to find him in this sea of people running around with mountains of boxes of their favorite bread, nevertheless I soon hear someone calling my name. 

“Mikasa!” 

I turn to see Armin waving me over from a window side table overseeing the busy city street. My feet act before my brain upon seeing his never changing face. 

“Armin!” 

“Mikasa!” 

We hug each other tightly and we don’t let go for the longest minute. When we finally do, I look at him from head to toe, taking in his familiar features: His bright blonde hair is cut right over his ears. He wears a baby blue t-shirt that matches his eyes. He has gotten taller, but I manage to tower over him by a few inches, especially with the black heeled boots I decided to wear today.

For a moment his eyes are glossy and I am certain mine are too. We awkwardly smile at each other and a giddy laugh threatens to escape me as I shrug my shoulders to my ears. He suddenly releases a deep sigh and squeezes my hand. 

“You look great.” 

“You too, Armin.” 

He points me to a seat and looks behind me. 

“I thought Sasha was coming?”

“She’s parking the car.” 

I raise my eyebrows in a ‘you know how it is here’ way. He shrugs his lips, giving me a ‘I know what your talking about’ gesture. I missed this between us. Us speaking without words. 

“How’d you find parking so fast?” 

“Uber.”

“Oh.” Yup, that’s smart for a place like this. 

For a moment we are both quiet, unsure of where to pick up and what questions to ask. So I go for the superficial ones. 

“How’s school?”

Armin’s eyes crinkle into their usual pattern as he smiles. 

“It’s good. I’ve been interning with Professor Smith, my law professor, and he’s a really nice guy. He’s been helping me a lot, actually.” 

Ah yes, Armin went to college at sixteen because he took this very difficult exam in high school, which gave him the opportunity to graduate early and attend college immediately. His brightness was evident in college as well and he managed to finish in three years, and now he’s attending law school at nineteen. To say I’m proud is an understatement. 

“Sorry... I didn’t visit you in Japan.” 

My eyes widen when he says this. Has he been feeling guilty all this time because of that? 

“No, Armin, I understand. You’ve been busy with school.” 

Armin looks down at his hands, and grips a brittle napkin between them, slowly ripping it piece by piece over the wooden table. 

“I just want to help Eren in any way I can, even if he doesn’t talk to me anymore. You know... he’s out on parole.” 

Armin’s wary of how I react, he’s unsure of how to manage anything related to  _ him _ around me. He tries to find any sort of hint on how to go on with the conversation, but I give him none.

“I heard.”

I give him a short answer and quickly change the subject to something not related to Eren. 

“So, I heard you’re in school on a scholarship?” 

Armin’s smile brightens. 

“Yeah! It’s crazy how I got that scholarship. It’s even going to cover law school.” 

I reach out and firmly squeeze his forearm, how I tend to do when congratulating him.

“Really!? That’s nice, Armin!”

“College is expensive, so I’m grateful for the scholarship. What about you, Mikasa?” 

“I’m training to be a martial arts teacher.” 

“M-martial arts teacher! That’s great! Makes sense, you’ve been doing it for a long time.” 

He’s about to say more, but a server interrupts us to take our order. After she’s gone I excuse myself to go use the restroom, and soon I am navigating through the crowd of people in search of it. They must’ve remodeled, because I don’t recognize anything. 

After much roaming around I see the bathroom sign next to this short blonde woman, who’s busy talking on the phone. I almost prance towards the restroom, but the sting in my bladder prohibits me from doing such a thing. As I make my way over to find my much awaited relief, I overhear the blonde lady's conversation, and her voice is eerily familiar when I hear her say: 

“How many croissant do you fucking want, Reiner?” 

Reiner? Oh, no is this- Annie! I am about to turn around to avoid the second to last person I want to see on earth, but it’s as if she feels my presence and she turns to look at me with these sharp hawk like eyes. I know she recognizes me, even if she acts like she doesn’t. I swallow my pride and continue my way to the restroom ignoring her completely, however, I still manage to hear her fading voice, when she says:

_ “You won’t believe who I am looking at.” _

**_∞_ **

I make it back to the table to find Armin struggling with Sasha over a piece of bread. I don’t mention that I saw Annie, because I don’t want them to worry about it. Anyway, we have nothing to do with her and Reiner’s little gang. 

_ Except that they blame us for Bertholdt’s death.  _

Besides, they got their revenge by killing Eren’s parents and framing him for their murder. 

“Mikasa, I was just telling Sasha that we should go to the beach later. Mikasa?” 

I am too distracted by my intrusive thinking that I barely catch what Armin says, so I just nod my head and agree with whatever it was he said. 

“Uh, yeah. That’s fine with me.” 

Armin studies me, he’s always had a good intuition, so I’m not really surprised when he asks:

“Did something happen in the bathroom?” 

I shake my head and reach to take a bite of my croissant, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Nope.” 

**∞**

A deep longing sigh escapes me when I wiggle my toes as they peek through the smooth grains of dark brown sand. The white noise of water kissing the land in rhythmic crashes fills my ears, chasing away every worried thought off my mind. 

In the distance, Sasha has her jeans rolled up to her knees as she splashes around the water excitedly. Armin sits next to me, arms wrapped around his knees close to his chest, smiling at the pink yellow sunset ahead of us. And even though it is long gone, I am reminded of that day...

_ His hand grazing my hand under the sand. Me thinking that he accidentally grabbed it, and I’m waiting for him to remove it. My heartbeat quickening to an unsteady pace as he tangles his fingers into mine. Our small secret is buried under the surface of the sand, promising us to keep it there as our friends enjoy their beach day.  _

_ “Mikasa, Eren! Join us!”  _

_ Eren shaking his head and using his free hand to give Connie a thumbs up.  _

_ “I’m good.”  _

_ They don’t know what the sand hides from them and a crescent shaped smile paints my face. A comfortable silence rests between us as we watch the sunset kiss the never ending expanse of the sea- _

“I miss him,” Armin mutters as he picks up the surrounding seashells, thus interrupting my reverie. 

I remain idle by silence with my toes in the sand, stuck in a memory of long ago, as Armin continues talking. 

“I tried to visit him so many times, but he always refused.” 

I move my toes out of the sand and pull myself from the past as I screw myself tight to the present. 

“He’s running Zeke’s gang.” 

Armin’s mouth gapes in shock and his eyes strain as he takes in the news.

“W-why would he do that? Unless… unless,” he struggles to finish his sentence, “unless he’s looking for revenge!” 

I scrape the sand off my calf and roll down my jeans, trying so hard to sound passive, to sound in control, to sound like I don’t give a damn about him. 

“Armin, we shouldn’t worry about him. He belongs to a different life than us now.” 

“I just- there must be a reason he pushed us away, Mikasa. There must. Listen, I introduced Professor Smith to Levi. He thinks-“ 

Armin’s voice fades as I’m reminded of that note.

_ LEAVE.  _

The word is etched in my mind like a blood stain I can’t wash away, no matter how hard I scrub. It’s such a contrast to the content  _ ‘I’m good,’ _ he shouted to Connie that day. 

_ Our hands buried in the sand _ . 

Remembering him comes in tremors that shake my being and his voice echoes with every breath I take.

_ I’m good. I’m good. I’m good. _

“Armin, please stop!” I sound adamant, certain about what I’m saying, but soon my voice breaks to a pleading, “Please…” 

Armin sees the tears pricking in the corner of my eyes and his mouth falls to a saddened pout. 

“I’m sorry.” 

I wipe my tears and try to laugh it off.

“I’m fine, I’m the one whose sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” 

I grip his shoulder gently, and his hand falls on top of it, patting it gently. I should enjoy being here and not let the shadow of his memory ruin the time I’m here for. He’s moved forward and so have I.

“Okay, my skin is burning,” I say regretting not bringing a hat as I shield my eyes from the sun with the back of my hand. 

I wave Sasha over, so we can head home and once she sees me she splashes herself out with that carefree attitude I’ve come to love. 

**∞**

Zeke spent years gathering men who wanted to make easy money, but who he could also trust to remain loyal. I think he’s done a decent job. 

Most of them don’t fear death, and they have the courage, or as my father used to say, stupidity, to go head first into trouble. Dad never liked what Zeke was involved in. 

He tried hard to get him out of the gang life, and kept me as far away as possible from it as well, but Zeke had one goal in mind. Money. 

His mother, Dina, my dad’s first wife, had cancer. She had no insurance, nothing to help her with the medical bills, so Zeke started hustling drugs. And he was good at it. Working at a pharmaceutical company by day, selling stolen merchandise by night. Soon he was manufacturing it himself. 

It wasn’t until two years ago that Dina died, and Zeke came to visit me telling me he had no reason to do this anymore, and gave me control of everything. He knew I would accept, because it was the only way to gain enough power in the underworld to get back at Reiner, for what he did to me, my mom, and our father. 

I started running the gang from prison and quickly gained the gang’s trust. It was easy to run a gang from prison, really. Paid out some cops to keep silent, made some orders to screw with Reiner’s territory. Found out about some sinister stuff Reiner was running. And all I know is that I’m bringing that fucker down, one way or another.

Right now, we are outside this abandoned warehouse Reiner is currently using as his hideout. My men and I are armed to the teeth ready to get him. This is a rare chance, since Reiner is everywhere these days. Flying between New York and Los Angeles, but today is my lucky day. Today, is my lucky  _ fucking _ day.

“Anyone have any questions?” I ask the group of loyal men surrounding me. 

Floch shakes his head, as he cocks his gun. 

“No.” 

Daz looks confused. 

“So we’re here to kill Reiner, but we don’t kill him right away?” 

“No. We capture him only,” Floch answers.

“Then we kill him?” 

I roll my eyes at them. You’d think Zeke would round up more astute men, but nope.

“I am killing Reiner, just not here. We’re essentially kidnapping him. I want to have some fun with him before I finish him. Okay?” 

“What if he refuses?” 

Daz, I swear! Floch smacks him with the back of his hand and I nod at him in thanks. To think I hated this bird nest haired bastard a few years ago, only for him to prove as one of my most loyal followers. 

“Are all the men in their positions?” 

Floch nods. 

“Louise is keeping watch, she’ll alert us when he arrives.” 

Floch looks nervous, but he’s too scared to let me know what is troubling him. 

“Questions? Going once. Going twice,” I stare at Floch without breaking eye contact as I say this, until he shuts his eyes closed in defeat. 

“What about Annie?” 

“What about her?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Floch are you scared of her?” I tease.

“No,” he says, but his face says the complete opposite. 

“How tall is she now? Has she grown at all?” 

“I don’t think so.” 

“See? What are you scared of? Just carry her somewhere else.”

The  _ tough _ men surrounding me give me blank stares. Okay, maybe Annie is a tough foe. Her father trained her in taekwondo and he happens to be a grandmaster. Maybe that’s it. 

“Just avoid her then, got it.” 

Floch releases a sigh of relief.

“Really? You’re that scared?” 

“She reminds us of Mikasa,” Daz blurts. 

_ Daz I swear to god!  _ Floch gives him a warning glare.

“What? She does. What happened to Mikasa? Weren’t you friends with her Eren?” 

I’m killing this guy, aren’t I? Don’t break Eren. Not now. She’s in Japan. Away from this. An entire ocean is between us… she’s  _ safe _ . 

Floch’s phone rings, it’s Louise. The men know what this means, it’s a sign that we must move. 

I take a deep breath and put on that invisible steel mask to help me block out any emotion of fear, worry, and...  _ her _ . I look to my men with a serious glassy expression and I notice Floch step back a little, like he’s scared of me, but soon all the men wear the same expression I wear. I cock my gun.

“Let’s move.” 

**∞**

Sasha’s car radio plays in the background as I turn to look back at Armin, who calmly sits in the back seat. I smile at him and he smiles back as he sways his head to the beat of the song. 

“When are you heading back to college, Armin?” 

“My semester just finished. So, I’ve got a couple weeks before the next one starts. What about you? Do you have your return ticket for Tokyo already?”

“Not yet. I just have to see Levi, but he hasn’t contacted me yet.” 

“I think I know what it is about.” 

Again, I look back at Armin, but he fiddles with his hands. I get the feeling he’s keeping something from me, but he doesn’t mean to. He might not be telling me because I was the one who told him not to. Guilt suddenly fills me for the way I spoke to him earlier. 

“Armin…” 

He looks at me and gives me a small hesitant smile. 

“Armin…” I say again, “You know why Levi asked me to come, don’t you?”

Armin looks at his feet. 

“I think I do.” 

“Why did Levi ask me to come?” 

Armin rubs the back of his head and opens his mouth to speak, but that’s when a car hits Sasha’s truck from the side. 

We are immediately pushed off the side of the road. I grip the car handle with one hand, while I push myself away from the glove compartment with the other, thus avoiding my body from getting a single scratch. 

“Is everyone okay?” I ask as I turn to check on my friends. 

Armin holds his chest from the shock, Sasha grips the steering wheel tightly. Good, they’re fine. 

“That car came out of nowhere,” Sasha shrieks. 

“Yeah.”

I look at the black SUV that hit us and a sinister chill runs down my back when I see all four doors open at the same time. And reality dawns on me. This was no accident. 

“Sasha! Drive the car!” 

“What?”

She startles and shakily tries to start the car, but it’s too late as two men open the doors and hold out their phones. 

“The blonde one and the short haired girl. Yeah, this is them. Take all three just in case.” 

This has Annie written all over it. I just know it. I watch as they drag Armin and Sasha out, and then someone opens my door. This dark haired guy tries to put his hands on me, but I immediately head butt him and kick him to the ground. I run to the other side and they are dragging Armin and Sasha inside the vehicle. 

“Mikasa!” Armin yells. 

I run to them, but before I can get to them, I feel the hard metal tip of a gun pressed against my head. Annie. 

“Get in the car, or I’ll blow Armin and Sasha’s brains out, then I’ll blow yours.” 

“You would’ve already done it if you had the guts.” 

I hear the clicking of her gun, and admit my defeat.

“Don’t try me, Mikasa.” 

I let my guard down, and I can feel Annie’s smirk burn into the back of my head. Someone quickly blind folds me and ties my hands and legs. 

“Tie her tighter, that one’s a beast. She already knocked Marcel unconscious,” Annie warns.

I should feel smug over this uh…  _ compliment _ , but how can I? As I am being forced into a car, blindfolded and tied like an animal. I then feel myself bump into someone. 

“Armin, Sasha, is that you?” 

“Mikasa!” Armin shrieks. 

“What’s going on?” Sasha whimpers. 

“We just wanted Armin and Mikasa, but I don’t mind bringing you along, Sasha.” 

“Annie?” Armin gasps, “What? How?” 

Damn it! I should’ve told them that I saw her in the bakery. Annie doesn’t answer and instead gives off commands. 

“Porco, drive.” 

I hear the tires screech to a start to who knows where. I try to calm myself down. I must do something to save us, but what? And how can I think when Armin keeps elbowing me gently at my side. 

Armin! Of course! He must’ve thought of something already, but what did he think of that requires him to elbow me? 

**∞**

I make eye contact with Floch from across the building and point two fingers to my eyes and then my thumb to the direction I want us to head into. Floch nods, seemingly understanding my order. 

I look to the sky and take in a breath as I hold my gun between my hands. Okay, I got this. 

So far so good, everything is quiet. I look at every direction around me, being careful to avoid any attention to me. Some of my men use the roofs to move and keep a lookout for any activity. 

“Boss!”

I hear one of my men shout above me and soon a torrent of gunshots follow. Fuck, did Reiner know that I was coming? A mob of men run toward me with their guns ready to fire, but I’m quick to shoot them down. 

Zeke taught me how to handle a gun years ago, behind my parents’ back. At the time, I thought it was cool to know how to fire a weapon, who knew I’d be firing it at men today?

Another wave of men come, and I run to hide behind a building to avoid the hail of bullets. 

My men that are on the roof like a flock of angry birds, cover for me as I take out my phone, using the black screen’s reflection to see what’s happening on the other side. 

There’s at least fifteen men, but they are quickly subdued by my men. I ordered my men to kill, before being killed. In this life sooner or later we will have to take away lives. 

Another round of gunfire is heard, and I don’t know where the hell it’s coming from. I then hear footsteps coming from the other side of the building and Floch quickly shoots a guy in the chest. 

The guy starts convulsing immediately and I get close to the guy, just to see his eyes roll back. Fucking hell! He’s dead. 

“Floch, you killed him!” 

“He was going to kill you, I had no choice.” 

He’s right. Isn’t he? It’s kill or be killed in this world. Suddenly,  Floch’s phone rings again. Louise. Floch nods in understanding, hangs up. and turns to me. 

“Reiner’s in the main warehouse, straight ahead. Go!” 

I nod and hold my gun close to my chest as I start running towards the warehouse, as Floch covers for me.  Another round of rain gunfire sounds off, and I wave my arms over me like a mad man, as the bullet shells hit the concrete in a violent thrum. 

I keep thinking that a bullet will pierce my skin at any moment and that'll be it for me, but my men do a great job at covering for me. This gives me a chance to jump inside a bush, to get a good look at the men protecting the warehouse. 

They walk around with huge semiautomatic weapons strapped across their chests, and I glumly stare at my small handgun. 

Nevermind that. Though I wear a thin white shirt with some light wash Levi jeans that an ordinary person wouldn’t bat an eye too, underneath my clothes I have my personal arsenal: I’ve got some hunting knives sheathed around my ankles. Two pistols tucked in my pant’s waistband. A couple of flash grenades hanging off my belt. No one can mess with me, not today. 

I have to find a way to circumvent them and enter the building without their knowledge. I can try to climb on top of the roof and jump from the top, straight down onto Reiner yelling, ‘surprise bitch’ but the more I think about it, the less feasible it becomes. 

A vent perhaps? Yes, a vent! 

It should lead inside the building, and from there I can sneak in while my men surround Reiner’s men from the outside in. 

Floch makes his way towards me and jumps inside the bush. 

“What’s the plan?” 

“Ask Louise if she sees a vent from where she’s at.”

Floch pulls out his phone and starts texting, a few minutes later his phone flashes with a text reading:  _ back of the building next to a dumpster :)  _

“I’m going.” 

“What do we do?” 

“Surround the building and work your way in. I’m dealing with Reiner myself.” 

Floch nods in understanding, and I quietly get out of the bush. 

I use the stacked boxes surrounding the warehouse as cover, as I stealthily make my way to the dumpster when I see the vent. I crouch down and it’s screwed tight.  _ Fuck _ . I take out my hunting knife and use it to pry the vent open.  _ Success! _

Suddenly, the sound of a car approaching sends my body into high alert and I rush to hide behind the dumpster. My chest rises and falls, filled with the rush of adrenaline of almost being seen. 

I catch a glimpse of the black SUV, making a turn to the warehouse’s front entrance. 

Who could that be if Reiner’s inside already? An unknown third party? This better not interfere with my plan. 

I turn to the vent behind me and crouch down to get a good look at it. It’s not big, but not too narrow either. It’ll be a tight squeeze, but I should manage. I stretch my long body and hear a pop or two from my spine and prepare to squeeze myself into the vent. 

As I’m making my way into the vent I can’t stop thinking about what Daz asked.  _ What happened to Mikasa? Weren’t you friends with her, Eren?  _

Why’d he have to mention her? I was fine not thinking about her. 

_ Except that you think about her every waking moment of your day and every time before you go to bed. _

Okay, fine! I admit it! I wonder what she’s been up to. It’s been a year since her last letter and I haven’t known anything since. 

For the last four years, she sent me a letter once a month, where she’ll fill me in with every detail about her new life. The way she was getting better at speaking Japanese and how she can now witness different seasons of weather. 

She described her first snowfall with such giddiness... such innocence. 

_ Eren, you should see it! It starts with a few flakes that can easily be confused by rain, very cold rain, but it’s not rain! My Aunt Kiyomi and I stood outside and watched it all come down in blankets of white that slowly covered every crevice of the ground and topped every building. I told my aunt that the snow made her home look like it was wearing a hat. Tokyo is beautiful in winter, it’s truly a winter wonderland, but it’s very cold (I’m still not used to the cold). The people hang these white lights on the trees and they remind me of the Christmas lights we used to hang with your mom. I wish you were here with me. I wish things were different. You didn’t mean it when you told me to leave, did you? Please, write to me. _

Every one of her letters ended with that.  _ Please, write to me. _ But, I never did. 

What was I going to tell her? I go to the restroom where there’s no door? I bathe in a room full of naked guys and I’ve seen some stuff I wish I never did? I’m stuck in a cage filled with wild beasts and I am slowly becoming one of them! 

Besides, every time I tried writing to her, all I wanted to write was, I miss you, come visit me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. What do you mean Jean called you? I read your letters every night to help me sleep. Take me with you to Japan. 

But I always stopped myself. I would always hit the brakes before I’d go ahead and do something so selfish. 

They’d given me ten years in prison. Ten years for a murder I didn’t commit. 

Everything was against me. Reiner had perfectly crafted the murder of my parents and blamed me. 

He bought the judge, the two cops, I even heard he bought some members of the jury, and I was an idiot with nothing to prove my innocence with. 

I only managed to write her one complete letter. The entirety of last year, I stood in front of the man who collected the mail. Every time he’d look me dead in the eye and ask in the most deadpan voice, “Mail?” 

He’d then look at my hand, which gripped the letter, and I’d take a big gulp and shake my head. He’d always release a defeated sigh and continue walking. I’m sure he thought I was a coward. 

I wrote my letter after her very last letter. I have her last letter engraved in my mind. 

I must be a masochist, because that’s the one letter I never fail to read. Why’d she have to write that? It filled me with hope, but at the same time, it filled me with this uncertainty and sadness. Has she really moved on? 

I stop crawling through the vent for a moment, just to take a breather. My hair curtains over my face, and I immediately regret not getting a haircut, and maybe I should've given myself a quick shave too. 

Urgh, one thing at a time Eren. First, I get Reiner, then I go to a good barber. For now, it doesn’t matter that I look like I need a good long shower and maybe a 24-hour long nap. 

Soon, I make it out of the vent and hide behind a concrete pillar. There’s no one here, but then I hear a muffled voice up ahead. I run to the sound of the voice and peek through a hole in the wall. He’s right here. I know it’s him. He's on his phone, but he quickly hangs up.

He hasn’t changed much, he’s only gotten taller and broader. He leisurely paces the room around like he’s waiting. I absently run my hand over the pricks of hair that unevenly jut out my chin as I see Reiner’s even facial hair. _Damn him to hell._

He turns his back to me, and I notice that there is no one around him, he’s completely alone. I guess it really is my lucky day. 

I quietly turn to the other side of the wall, his back is still to me. I try my best to not make any noise with each step I take, until I am just a few feet away. When he notices someone behind him, it's too late as I press my gun to the back of his head. 

“Reiner.” 

"Eren."

He sounds so calm as he says my name. Shit. _ Did he know I was coming? _ He turns to face me, but I kick the back of his knees and swiftly bring him to the ground. 

“Don’t move,” I grit.

Then, I wrap my forearm around his neck until he is choking. However, instead of fighting me, he smiles, completely throwing me off my groove. My grip on his throat reluctantly eases. 

“What the fuck are you smiling about Reiner?” 

What's wrong with him? He doesn't seem the least worried about having a gun pressed against his head. Instead, he looks at the entrance of the warehouse, waiting for something, or maybe someone to walk in. 

“You’ll see,” he says calmly. 

I don’t understand what he’s going on about, but then Annie walks in. I was right, she hasn’t grown an inch. She smirks at me and I make sure that she sees my gun pointed at Reiner’s thick skull, but she continues smirking. She looks to her side and curls her index finger towards her. 

“Porco, Marcel, let’s make our guests comfortable.”

What is she going on about? I press the metal tip to Reiner’s head and he doesn’t react and continues to smile.  _ What the fuck is he smiling about!? _ But then I see it. The strong grip I held on my hand gun melts to the ground when I see _them_. This is why Reiner was smiling. 

“Surprise, Eren.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who have picked up this fanfiction. I really hope to entertain you and give you the Eremika content you crave.


	3. At The Devil's Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Mikasa officially cross paths after four years!

What the fuck are they doing here? Armin. Sasha.  _ Mikasa.  _

_ She’s supposed to be in Japan. She’s supposed to be in Japan. Away from here. Safe.  _

I can’t speak. My chest threatens to implode. The steel mask I placed on my face earlier vanishes before I can grasp it. 

“Is something wrong, Eren? The arm around my neck has loosened.” 

“Fuck you,” I grit through my teeth so hard that I hear the cracking of my molars. 

I hear a muffled sound coming out of Armin. He heard me and knows I’m here. I’m sure. Even through my anger, I glance at Mikasa and my thoughts become a broken record player. I tell myself this isn’t real. They’re not here. They’re somewhere far away from me. Armin’s in college. Mikasa’s in Japan. Away from here. Away from me.  _ Safe _ .

It’s not them who stand on the other end of the building with Annie smirking behind them as she lazily holds her gun to her hip. 

Why? Why are they here?  _ And why can’t I rip my eyes off her.  _

Two fires ignite within me: one is a fire of fury for seeing her hands and legs bound, the other is a fire deep inside my chest struck with a feeling I’m trying to suppress. 

Does she know I’m here? I can’t tell. She’s so still. Like an ice statue frozen in place by a winter frenzy. 

My heart doesn’t know how to drum. It’s ripped apart in the middle, confused as to whether it’s beating with worry for my friends, or because it’s the first time in four years that I see them… and a sick part of me is happy to have them here. 

I feel Reiner’s chest reverberate and he releases a heavy chuckle that echoes in the empty warehouse, mocking me with every breath he takes. He’s enjoying this. 

I pull the safety from my gun right next to his ear, so he can hear that I mean business. I glare at Annie who replaces her bored face with a cold calculating mask. 

She walks behind Sasha, who’s blindfold is wet with tears, then behind Armin. She rubs the tip of her gun through his blonde hair and there’s no missing the quiver of his lip. Her mouth twists into a smirk as she moves behind Mikasa. 

I have a bad feeling as Annie presses the gun behind Mikasa’s head, but Mikasa doesn’t react. She remains composed, and the hike on Annie’s shoulders says that she hates this about her. Gun pressed to her head and no reaction. She won’t give Annie that satisfaction. 

Annie looks annoyed, and then she forces her to stand up, walking her until she’s right in front of me. She then removes Mikasa’s blindfold and digs her nails into her cheeks as she forces her to look at me. 

“Look who’s here,” she teases. 

Our eyes meet for a brief second, and I am close to getting lost in the smoke of her gray eyes, when she looks away. My throat throbs as I swallow, I don’t blame her for hating my guts. Reiner is quick to remind me where I am, when he mocks me with his laugh. 

“You have a gun to my head, but it seems that I’ve got you, Eren.” 

“Tch.” 

He’s right. What do I do? 

It’s then that a loud crack is heard as my men storm inside the building. They quickly surround Annie, but she doesn’t bat an eye as she remains unmoving with her gun pressed to Mikasa’s head. Everything in her demeanor is a dare.  _ Dare me to shoot her, Eren? Dare me to blow her brains out? I dare you to watch as I do. _

I pick up my invisible steel mask and secure it in its place. I press my forearm against Reiner’s windpipe until I hear him choking. Annie pulls Mikasa’s hair and angles her head up to look at me. My face is unreadable, as Annie and I are stuck in a Mexican standoff, each one waiting for the other’s next move. I shut my eyes as I beg whoever’s listening in the universe to guide my next move. 

Be smart! Be quick! 

I push Reiner to his stomach at the same time that I move for Annie’s hand, which holds her gun. Damn it! Annie must be made out of steel because she doesn’t budge when I smack her hand. Mikasa whips her head back and hits Annie on her face. Annie steps back holding her nose, only to bring it down and reveal a trail of blood. 

“Fucking bitch!” she yells and she moves to fire her gun. 

It all happens in seconds, but to me, it’s all in slow motion. My hand is on the flash grenade, ready to diffuse it, as I crouch down to swing Mikasa over my shoulder. The flash grenade goes off and I run fast, as I yell to my men to hurry out.

“Someone get Armin and Sasha and get the fuck out!” 

I see Niccolo, some guy I’ve barely interacted with, carrying Sasha, while Floch takes Armin. I move behind the concrete wall I came from, while my men go out the front entrance. There’s an exit door and I try to push it open, but it’s locked into place.  _ Fucking hell! _ I take out my gun to shoot the hinges off and then I kick it open. The room spins around me, I feel like I might topple over at any moment. The effects of the flash grenade did not spare me. 

I’m back to the dumpster near the vent, and the sound of sirens wail in the background, but it’s all so fuzzy that I can’t focus. I set Mikasa down as gently as I can and crouch down behind her as I take out my hunting knife to cut her restraints off. Everything is spinning and I blink hard trying to focus on where I’m cutting. 

I hold her wrist carefully and her skin jumps against mine. _ Is she really that repulsed by my touch? _ A pang of sadness hits me, but I can’t wallow on how pathetic her action makes me feel. 

“Hold still, I’m cutting your restraints.” 

She doesn’t say anything as I cut the piece of cloth from her wrists. She then massages the raw red skin the restraints left, and I’m about to move to her ankles, but I hear shots going off. 

A gun fire? I remember the sirens I heard earlier and realize that it must be the police. _ Shit! _ But who called them? 

The gunfire sounds close by and I’m not about to put Mikasa through that sort of thing. So, I lift her up by her waist, and she’s quick to react. 

“W-what are you doing?” 

I don’t answer and I throw her and myself inside the dumpster. I feel something squishy under my foot and I instantly grimace not wanting to look under my red converse. 

“Let me go.” 

“Huh?” 

Shit. I’m still grabbing on to her. I let her go, but she immediately falls back into me. She holds her head and pushes herself away from me. She must still be suffering from the effects of the flash grenade, so I help her steady herself, and I ignore the electric buzz running through my body as my hands graze hers. 

We hear more gunfire and she pushes my hands away as we crouch down. I admit the action stings. 

She places her hands on the walls of the dumpster and I glance at the finger next to the pinky of her left hand. I involuntarily release a sigh of relief, but why do I care? Don’t I want her to move on? 

She breathes heavily as she cranes her neck to look up. I force myself to think about getting us out of here, but my stupid eyes keep glancing at her. For a moment, she side-eyes me. I feel like a creep and quickly look away. 

I hear running feet nearby and I freeze as they stop right next to the dumpster. Mikasa looks at me, but she doesn’t show worry or panic. I put my finger to my lips in a shushing manner and she gives me a small nod. 

_ Fuck _ . Steel mask, Eren. Steel mask! 

Suddenly, whoever is outside kicks the dumpster with a loud metal clang. 

“Where the hell is he?” 

I know that voice. Yeah, it’s thicker and deeper, but it’s the same voice. Before I can connect the dots, Mikasa speaks. 

“Jean?” 

She somehow managed to untie the cloth around her ankles and stands up, and I quickly follow suit. Jean stands outside the dumpster in a police uniform. He looks between both of us and frowns, but then he looks at Mikasa and his face changes to one of delighted surprise. 

“Mikasa! What are you- How? Why are you inside a dumpster!?”

“It’s a long story. Jean, why are you here?” 

“Armin. He sent me his location and I thought it was weird for him to do that.” 

Jean turns to me and points . 

“You shouldn’t be here.” 

I scoff and look away from him. Mikasa then puts her hands on the edge of the dumpster to get herself out. Jean and I move at the same time to help her, but she doesn’t bother to take either of our hands as she effortlessly jumps out. 

“I need to go with Armin and Sasha.” 

Jean holds her back. 

“Wait until we search the area. It’s not safe.” 

Mikasa looks back at him and nods. My fist bunches up at my side and I can’t ignore the pesky feeling in the pit of my stomach. But, most importantly, Reiner got away from me. 

“Jean,” I interrupt, “Where’s Reiner?” 

Jean’s eyes narrow as he looks down at me. 

“Damn it, Eren! Is this why you’re here? Is this why  _ she’s _ here?” 

He nods to Mikasa. He looks genuinely upset and my jaw instantly tightens as I can’t answer him. However, I am surprised when she speaks. 

“No. It was Annie who kidnapped us. He didn’t know we were here.” 

She’s defending me. Why? She hates me, but she’s not blaming me for this, when I am the root cause of the problem. I feel my gaze soften, but one kick breath and I hold whatever emotion was threatening to escape on it’s leash. 

“Oh,” Jean says cooly. 

“I told Floch to take Armin and Sasha.” 

Jean looks at me and scrunches his nose in disgust.

“Floch?” 

“Yeah. Floch,” I bite back. 

Jean looks at me for the longest time and shakes his head in disbelief. He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in, only to stare at me with concerned eyes. 

“What did prison do to you?”

I shake his shoulder off me and involuntarily turn to glance at Mikasa for a second, but she’s walking away. Jean turns too, and suddenly we both move after her. 

“Mikasa, where are you going?” Jean asks. 

“I have nothing to do here.”

_ Ouch _ . 

“You need to press charges, Mikasa. You can’t leave yet. You have to come with me.” 

Mikasa stops walking for a moment, “Fine. Make it quick.” 

Jean then turns to me, “And you have to call Floch, make him wait for us at the police station. Come on, let’s go.” 

I roll my eyes at Jean’s bossy attitude. It’s that damned badge he wears, he probably has developed some superiority complex since he got it. 

“I’m not going to the police station.” 

Jean releases an exasperated breath and runs a frustrated hand through his hair. 

“Eren… stop being a jerk and come with me.” 

“You just want to screw with my parole.”

Jean scoffs, “Tch. You’re doing that on your own!” 

He moves to stand in front of me. He’s always been tall, but now our heights are only a few inches apart. He looks me dead in the eye and grits his teeth. 

“I want to help you, moron.” 

Jean and I go way back, there’s always been this friendly rivalry intermingled with our friendship. I want to genuinely laugh at his face and playfully punch him on the shoulder for acting like a goof, but I try to act nonchalant. 

“How?” 

“Just get in the police car, I won’t say I saw you here.” 

“Fine.” 

He gives off a little smirk and nods his head to the place where his car is parked. 

“Come on, follow me.” 

Mikasa waits for Jean and walks with him, while I lag behind and follow them. 

**∞**

Mikasa sits in the front with Jean, while I ride on the back.  _ Ironic, I know _ . 

Jean talks on and on, on the ride to the police station. He’s going on about his time in the police academy and who knows what, frankly, my mind blanks out about what he’s talking about. I look at my hands and try my best to not look at her through the side mirror, but I am such a failure. 

Why? Because I already took in every detail of her now mature face through that small mirror. From her pixie cut hair that accentuates her soft, yet sharp features… it really suits her. She looks… beautiful... very beautiful. 

I release a heavy sigh as I tear my eyes away from her reflection. I have to stop. 

“Bored of my stories, Eren?” 

“Yeah.” 

Jean scoffs at me and turns to Mikasa.    
“Fine, I’ll let Mikasa take over. How long have you been here, Mikasa?” 

“Since yesterday.” 

“Japan, huh?” Jean presses. 

“Yup.” 

Jean drives with one hand and fiddles with his badge with the other. Our eyes momentarily meet through his rear mirror when he asks, “Hey, Mikasa, do you have a special someone back home?” 

I hold my breath as she takes her time answering, and she moves a strand of hair behind her small ear, giving a small smile. 

“Why do you want to know?” 

Jean shrugs, “Just curious.” 

“Curiosity killed the cat, Jean.” 

Jean smirks and nods, “Yeah, it does.” 

A small quick sideways smile flowers from her face and I hold my breath for what feels like forever. I’m so desperate for her answer. She takes a deep breath and turns to Jean. 

“But to answer your question, the only special person in Japan is my Aunt Kiyomi.” 

Jean is quick to stop the silence from taking over, as I let myself breath. 

“It sounds like you two get along.” 

“Yeah, we do.” 

It’s quiet in the car, except for the police radio dispatch that sounds off occasionally. Jean turns off the radio and inhales a deep breath, followed by a rather annoyingly loud exhale, when he asks: 

“What about you, Eren?” 

_ Me? Who the fuck can I meet in prison?  _

“What do you think, Jean?” 

“Things can change, I guess.” 

“Stop talking, Jean.” 

Jean pretends to zip his mouth close, and from there on the car ride continues in silence. As I lay my head back on the headrest, I look at the side mirror again, and for a moment she looks too. 

It’s probably a second or two that our eyes remain in contact for, before she looks away, but for that tiny space in time... I feel whole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	4. Love In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa remembers the day she realized she was in love with Eren.   
> Trigger Warning: Blood and knife fights in this chapter.

I try to think back when it was all different with him. The first time I ever saw him, there was this warmth that flourished within me. I was sure it was because of the kindness he showed me that day. But... when did this feeling threaten to become something more? When did this fire begin to burn?

I had been living with his family for a year, but I just saw him as Eren. Eren, the one who took me in. Eren, the one who saved me. Eren, the one who gave me a home. When did I know I loved him? Was it that day on the beach?  _ No. _ I was too scared to let that feeling run wild. 

No... I remember now. It was the day that began in the garden.  _ Yeah, that was the day... _

_ I sit in the backyard watering the garden Carla and I have been cultivating for the past year. It’s filled with eggplant, pumpkin, and cherry tomatoes. Right next to it, there’s a flower bed of balloon flowers. I smile at the blue-violet bell flowers and gently caress the soft delicate petals. They’re Carla’s favorite, and they have slowly become mine, especially since it was my mom who gifted them to her.  _

_ Mom never really got to meet Mrs. Yeager, but I still gave Mrs. Yeager the flower seeds on mom’s behalf. It’s not uncommon for the two of us to sit here in front of the flowers and talk about my parents. I think it is her way of having their memory alive and well within me, because although it hurt to talk about them at first, I can now speak about them with a smile on my face.  _

_ Eren looks so much like her, it’s crazy really. They both have these eyes that fills you with a drive to want to fight an army all alone. Eren’s drive is stronger than hers though. Eren is all fire, a fire that threatens to burn the world whole if you get in his way. While his mother’s eyes are a steady fire that welcomes you to sit down and keep you warm. There are times, however, where Eren’s eyes hold something more. It’s like two stars plucked themselves from the sky and resettled inside his irises. They hold a world of promise and home.  _

_ “You sure like those flowers.”  _

_ I startle at the sound of Eren’s voice and turn to him. He holds a melting ice-cream cone in his hand. I look down at the long streak of vanilla ice-cream that makes its way down the side of his hand. He quickly licks his hand and I grimace.  _

_ “Is that supposed to be for me?” _

_ “Yeah.”  _

_ He hands it to me and looks at the flowers again.  _

_ “I looked them up on google the other day. They have another name.” _

_ He says this as he hands me my ice-cream cone and takes a seat on the grass, right next to me.  _

_ “What is it?” _

_ “Um, sentimental blues.” _

_ “Really? I didn’t know that. Mom likes them because they represent endless love.”  _

_ Eren frowns when I say this.  _

_ “They also represent death. I think some Asian cultures use them for graves.” _

_ “Why do you have to say that?”  _

_ Eren shrugs. We both don’t say anything and sit there watching as the wind gently sways the leaves and petals of the garden. In the background I can hear Mrs. Yeager’s music quietly playing. I pay more attention to the song, and confirm that in fact she is listening to ‘Unchained Melody’ yes… I think that’s the name of the song. It’s not uncommon for Eren and I to barge in on his parents randomly dancing to slow music in the living room. He always ignores them when they do this and walks away, unimpressed by their romantic displays of affection.  _

_ However, this time, Eren turns to the direction the song comes from. He doesn’t say anything, and just looks at the window where you can see Mrs. Yeager’s silhouette walking around the house. He sighs longingly. In the time I’ve known Eren, he’s never ever done this. Sighing longingly for no apparent reason. Every time he sighs, is usually in protest against something, or he’s beyond annoyed that words can’t define his annoyance, so he gives a mixture of huff and sigh.  _

_ I lick the ice-cream, and I want to ask him about the day on the beach. That action has been on my mind since it happened. We held hands under the sand! What did it mean to him? He acted like it was nothing when we got home. In fact, he went straight to his room after we came back and didn’t come out until the next morning.  _

_ This was two days ago. Actually, this is the first time he’s spoken to me in a normal conversation since then. He’s been avoiding me for 48 hours and to be honest, it hurts. So, to say that I’m very happy to have him sitting next to me right now is an understatement. _

_ “Eren?”  _

_ He looks at me and gives me a sideways smile.  _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ Darn it. He’s smiling. Those pearly whites lined up in an almost perfect row, flashing so casually like they aren’t about to end my life. My mind goes blank and the words won’t come out. How does he do it? Those eyes, that smile, that carefree spirit. How does he pierce the room so effortlessly and not notice his effect on me?  _

_ “Uhm- how have you been?”  _

_ A tiny frown digs between his eyebrows and I want to kick myself for asking something so stupid. How have you been? Stupid, Mikasa!  _

_ He shrugs his lips and lazily swings his head from side to side.  _

_ “Eh, I’ve been okay. You?” _

_ I nod my head.  _

_ “Good.”  _

_ We sit in silence and watch as a hummingbird flies around the garden. I focus on the rapidly fluttering wings of the tiny creatures and try to ignore the ones fluttering in my stomach. However, both pairs of wings seem to be in a race to see which one sputters the fastest until they combust into flames. I just might win this race.  _

_ There’s a thin red line between Eren and I. One that’s been unconsciously painted by both of us. And now more than ever, I am wondering who will be the first to cross it? Him or I? _

_ “Mikasa?”  _

_ I feel the ice-cream melting in my hand, but I don’t pay any attention to it. The hummingbird flies away and I follow it with my eyes. Loser. Eren speaks again, this time there’s a hesitance in his tone.  _

_ “Mikasa... your ice-cream is melting.”  _

_ I look down at my hand and there’s no reaction from me. He digs into his pocket and pulls out a napkin and exchanges it for my ice-cream.  _

_ I wipe my hand clean as he proceeds to eat my ice-cream. The same ice cream that was just caressing my lips and was being licked by my tongue. That ice cream. I rinse the thought of his mouth on something that was just in mine, down an endless drain, hoping that it never resurfaces.  _

_ He’s sitting so close to me. His criss-crossed knee is touching my criss-crossed knee, but the thin red line that’s always been there has suddenly grown into an imagined concrete wall. A wall that’s been constructed by blurred lines, inadmissible feelings, and that infamous ‘what are we?’ line. Because truly, what is it that we are? Friends, family… that “L” word? Stupid, stupid wall! I hate you.  _

_ Destroy it, Mikasa. Grab a sledge hammer and smash that wall to pieces until it is buried down in the depths of the ground! In my mind, I hold a tight grip on the sledge hammer ready to start swinging, but outside, my hand nervously picks at the grass that I’m sitting on top of.  _

_ The song still plays in the background, I’m sure Mrs. Yeager has hit the replay button. ‘Oh, my love, my darling. I’ve hungered for your touch…” Those lyrics seem to be mocking me.  _

_ Eren finishes the ice cream and holds his knees close to his chest. He’s staring at the sky now, and he’s blinking slowly. The sunlight has caught the flicker of his green eyes and I must turn away. It’s just too much for me. Are eyes supposed to hold an entire world within them? I pluck one blade of grass and wrap it around my pinky finger. Speak, Mikasa!  _

_ “Eren?”  _

_ He looks at me. We stare at each other for what feels like a joyful eternity, and I watch as his green irises are slowly being overtaken by his dark pupils. He licks his lips before speaking and I instantly find myself biting my tongue to stop anything stupid from coming out from it.  _

_ “Hey... Mikasa... sorry.” _

_ Sorry? _

_ “Huh? About finishing my ice cream?” _

_ He looks down at the bitten cone and releases a soft scoff accompanied by a small smile. _

_ “Didn’t even notice. I was actually talking about the day on-” _

_ He stops talking when we hear the sliding door open. The music has stopped.  _

_ “Jean’s here!”  _

_ Both Eren and I turn to Mrs. Yeager, who pokes her head out the sliding door. She waves us over impatiently.  _

_ Eren mutters under his breath annoyed, “What the hell does he want?”  _

_ He gets up and dusts his pants, and I follow as he heads inside.  _

**_∞_ **

_ Jean sits on the edge of the couch with his hands in front of him, he’s concentrating way too hard on them. Eren immediately speaks, thus interrupting his thought process. He sounds annoyed.  _

_ “What do you want?”  _

_ Jean ignores him and looks at me. There’s a hard blush spread across his face and he averts his eyes for a moment when he suddenly darts them back to me. He speaks rapidly and nervously, trying so hard to not close his eyes shut.  _

_ “I came here to ask if you want to go for a walk in the park!”  _

_ Eren crosses his arms and frowns.  _

_ “Why? Who’s in the park?”  _

_ Jean ignores Eren, it’s obvious he’s talking to me only, but Eren must think he’s speaking to both of us. Eren looks outside the window briefly, before walking towards me to grab the sleeve of my long sleeved shirt.  _

_ “Fine, we’ll go, I guess,” he rolls his eyes as he says this.  _

_ Jean scratches the back of his head, he looks like he’s about to pass out at any moment.  _

_ “Eren... no. I meant just Mikasa.”  _

_ The room goes awfully quiet. The type of quiet where you can hear the clatter the next door neighbors are making. I am about to speak, but Eren let’s go of my sleeve and puts his hands on his hips. He paces the room for a bit and scratches his head like he’s frustrated.  _

_ “I didn’t feel like going to the park anyway, besides... I have something else to do.”  _

_ He quickly walks around the living room and grabs a black hoodie and heads to the door. I try to follow him, but he’s too quick.  _

_ “Eren! Wait!” I yell after him, but he storms out the door with a loud bang. This doesn’t sound good. When he’s like this he looks for trouble, and if he doesn’t find it, he makes it. I look at Jean with wide eyes.  _

_ “I have to go after him!”  _

_ Jean hangs his head low and reaches for my hand.  _

_ “Mikasa, wait… I have to tell you something.” _

_ I remove his hand, and make his downcast eyes look at me. I try to smile at him, but I’m sure my worried eyes defeat the purpose.  _

_ “Jean, not now,” and I am out the door.  _

**∞**

_ There’s an urgent kick to every step I make as I look at every direction in the neighborhood. Where did he go? I’ve been looking everywhere he could possibly be for almost an hour, and there’s no sign of him. _

_ “Mikasa!”  _

_ Jean runs after me and I don’t bother to wait for him, but he soon catches up.  _

_ “Someone saw him by the convenient store!”  _

_ I nod my head and smile, “Thanks, Jean!” And my sneakers are soon scuffing the pavement as I run towards the direction of the convenient store.  _

_ After 10 minutes, I am panting heavily, and sweat has begun to trickle down my forehead, I am almost there. Just turn the corner and I’m there. Turn the corner and I will reach him. I’m so close. Turn the corner and he’ll be there.  _

_ However, there’s a chant that ricochets down an alleyway. I slow down my steps and get closer to the sound of a large group cheering something on. My hands graze the brick wall of the alleyway, where a large group of guys encircle the source of their entertainment.  _

_ “Fuck him up, Eren!”  _

_ My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach when I hear his name. No. My body reacts before my mind, and soon I am fighting my way through a huddle of frenzied bodies cheering debauchery on.  _

_ I’m not prepared for what’s to come.  _

_ Eren has a bloody nose, there’s fresh pink red bruises blooming from his tanned cheek. His shirt is ripped halfway off with nail marks going down his neck. He’s sweating and panting heavily as he removes his shirt and throws it to the side.  _

_ In front of him, Bertholdt stands smirking as he wipes blood off the side of his mouth.  _

_ “Bertholdt!”  _

_ Reiner yells, and throws him a pocket knife. Bertholdt catches it with ease as he dangles it in front of Eren. Out of nowhere, someone also throws Eren a pocket knife, and Eren catches it with a tight grasp.  _

_ Both boys stand in front of each other swaying side to side. It’s almost like they’re dancing, but soon Bertholdt extends his hand, getting the tip of the knife dangerously close to Eren’s torso.  _

_ Tears well up in my eyes and I yell out, “Eren!”  _

_ I shouldn’t have done that because he turns to me with a brief look of shock, before Berholdt punches him hard on the face, knocking him down to the pavement. Eren lies on the ground and coughs as Bertholdt kicks him in the stomach.  _

_ “Use the knife!” Reiner yells.  _

_ “No!” I screech.  _

_ And I jump on top of Eren before Bertholdt’s knife can get any closer to Eren’s skin. Bertholdt’s eyes widen and he manages to deviate the knife’s sharp tip away from me, but he cannot stop the velocity of his fist and he punches me with the back of his hand. I hold my face and all I feel is this numbing pain on my cheek accompanied by Eren’s heavy angry breath coming out his nostrils. Oh, no! What have I done?  _

_ I slide off Eren as he gets up in a heated frenzy. He points his knife at Bertholdt and furiously grits his teeth.  _

_ “You punched, Mikasa!”  _

_ He starts to swing his knife and Bertholdt, who now looks scared for his life, barely manages to dodge Eren’s angry scythes. I get up holding my cheek and I’m running to get a hold of Eren, but my wrists are held back.  _

_ I twist my neck to see who’s behind me, and I’m not surprised to see Annie. She looks up at me and smirks. Ugh, I hate that smirk.  _

_ She’s about to punch my side, but on instinct I get a hold of her fist and spin her around so now I’m the one standing behind her.  _

_ “Don’t touch me!” I grit through my teeth.  _

_ I push Annie to the ground, thanking my deceased father’s years of martial arts training. Eren’s panting heavily, both of his eyes are swollen, and he’s barely able to stand. Bertholdt doesn’t look too good either.  _

_ Eren lifts his hand in the air, and I’m so scared for what he’s about to do that I don’t think twice when I lunge behind him and hug him. However, he swings the blade and I yell as I feel the sharp edge of the knife dig into the softness of my cheek.  _

_ Eren freezes in my arms and let’s the knife clatter to the ground. He turns to look at me with wide shocked eyes as I hold my palm to my cheek, attempting to stop the spurts of blood from escaping.  _

_ I don’t realize that the crowd around us is running away, as Connie’s dad, who owns the convenient store, yells.  _

_ “I called the cops! You people better get out of my property!”  _

_ I look at Eren, but all he does is stare at his hands in disbelief as he covers his face in anguish.  _

_ “Fuck!” he grunts, “Fuck!”  _

_ Connie comes running to us, with a bruised Armin wobbling behind him.  _

_ “Mikasa!” Armin yells, “I told Connie’s dad to call the cops! This is all my fault! Eren got into a fight because of me!”  _

_ No, I think, he was already mad when he left the door. He was mad because of me.  _

_ Connie’s mom comes out with a paper towel and presses it to my cheek.  _

_ “It’s a deep cut. Honey! We’re taking her to the emergency room! Call, Carla! What did those thugs do to your pretty face.”  _

_ “It was me, it’s my fault,” Eren repeats these words over and over again.  _

_ Eren holds a fist in front of his face. He’s intently staring at it, and suddenly he starts punching himself.  _

_ “Eren!” Armin yells, and both Connie and him try to hold his fists back from himself.  _

_ I wince as the tears sting my cut and I whimper, “Eren, please stop.”  _

_ Armin holds Eren’s hand and looks at him with pleading eyes, his voice sounds calm, but it is laced with concern.  _

_ “Eren, this is not helping anyone, especially Mikasa.”  _

_ Eren meets my eyes, but he can’t hold my gaze as he’s the first to look away.  _

**_∞_ **

_ When we get home from the hospital, Mrs. Yeager holds my chin under her palm. Eren stands against the wall with bandaids all over his face. She looks at Eren with a frown, but when she turns to me she gives me a small smile.  _

_ “You’ve had a long day, go rest,” she gently urges.  _

_ I turn to look back at Eren, but I am met with the top of his head as he stares at the carpeted floor. I tear my gaze off him and look at Mrs. Yeager and nod my head.  _

_ As I make my way to the room, Mr. Yeager ruffles my hair and smiles at me.  _

_ “Sweet dreams, Mikasa.” _

_ I smile at him and head into my room.  _

**_∞_ **

_ I try to sleep, but how can I? When all I hear is Mrs. and Mr. Yeager scolding Eren. He doesn’t protest or talk back at them. He’s just taking it. I pull the covers over my face and I’m so close to crying, but then the scolding stops. It’s silent out there. After some time, there’s a faint knock on my door.  _

_ “Come in,” I say.  _

_ The door remains closed, and I sit up, waiting for the door to open.  _

_ Slowly, the clink of the door is heard. My room’s dark, but I know it’s him who moves in the shadows. I almost want to keep the lights off, but I don’t want him tripping, so I reach for my dragonfly night light, and my room is soon illuminated with the soft glow of yellow, blue, and pink. He stands in the middle of the room gripping a white paper bag in his hand. He’s still not meeting my gaze.  _

_ “I brought you the ointment they prescribed you. You have to put it on right now.”  _

_ He places the prescription paper bag on the nightstand and stands awkwardly looking at everything in the room, except for me. He walks towards the door, but he stops himself from touching the brass door knob as he slowly backs away and focuses on the edge of the bed.  _

_ I might as well not be in the room, because all I can do is watch in silence as he makes his way to sit in the exact same spot he focused on since he turned around.  _

_ He doesn’t say anything, but I notice the way his jaw tightens by the movement of his temple twitching under his skin.  _

_ “Eren-” _

_ “It’s all my fault,” he says, cutting me off before I can get a word in, “This day wasn’t supposed to end like this.”  _

_ “Eren…” I whisper, “Please... don’t blame yourself.”  _

_ I see his Adam’s apple bop under his throat as he gulps, he looks at me and doesn’t say anything. The moonlight seeps through the clear glass window on the other side of the bed, lighting half of his bandaged face, and his left eye shimmers underneath it.  _

_ My chest hitches in my chest, as I realize he wants to cry.  _

_ I look at the paper bag on the nightstand and point to it.  _

_ “Can you help me put on the ointment?”  _

_ He’s frozen in the crevices of his thoughts, when I ask again.  _

_ “Eren?”  _

_ Finally, the ice he threatened to freeze himself in melts, and he nods, making his way to collect the ointment.  _

_ I scoot over and make room for him to sit on the bed next to me. He slides his slippers off and moves back the covers as he crawls into the bed.  _

_ He moves the night-light to sit on the bed between both of us, so he can get a better look of my face.  _

_ Soon, a melange of yellow, blue, and pink shadows brighten his face, from the respective plastic covered dragonflies covering the tiny light bulbs. It’s then that his fingers proceed to lightly kiss the medical tape of the gauze covering my cheek.  _

_ “I washed my hands,” he whispers.  _

_ “Hmm.”  _

_ The familiar fluttering I felt this morning returns as I feel his drawn breath against my face. Little lines dig in between his eyebrows as he gently peels the gauze back. His breathing stops for a fleeting second as he looks at the stitches.  _

_ “Eren, the ointment,” I gently urge, wanting to pull him out of his guilt. Come back to me, Eren.  _

_ “Yeah,” he mutters as his eyelashes flit against the top of his cheekbones, like he’s waking up. He then squeezes the tube to release the cream on the tip of his finger and shakily brings the cold cream to my cheek. I close my eyes upon contact and release a low sigh.  _

_ “Am I hurting you?”  _

_ “No.”  _

_ My eyes remain close, but I can hear his breathing move to the slow downed beat of a metronome, as he continues his gentle administration of the cream. He’s so slow and so careful as he spreads the ointment on my wound. Tell me who else can do this to me? Who else can make me feel like the world has stopped with the simple administration of some medical cream? Eren, that’s who.  _

_ His fingers soon leave my face, and I remain with my eyes closed, absolutely terrified to open them and risk melting underneath his gaze.  _

_ “Where do I put it?” he asks referring to the ointment, as he closes it shut.  _

_ “In the drawer.”  _

_ I open my eyes to see how he opens the drawer to put the ointment away. He’s about to close it, but something catches his eye and he pulls out the blood red scarf I keep there.  _

_ “You didn’t wear it today,” he says quietly.  _

_ “It was 90 degrees today.”  _

_ “Right.”  _

_ He looks at the empty space he left and again sits there. This time next to me, with his head against the headboard. He’s quiet for a few moments, before he whispers.  _

_ “Sorry.”  _

_ He turns to me and points to his cheek, mirroring the spot where he cut me. The usual fire in his eyes, dwindles and I reach for his hand, shaking my head. _

_ “Eren, I told you to stop blaming yourself. What about you? How do you feel? You got beaten up pretty bad.”  _

_ He looks into my eyes and he looks sad. It almost breaks my heart.  _

_ “You don’t have to worry about me.” _

_ I don’t say anything. My hands remain on top of his, and he doesn’t do anything to move them, and neither do I. I rest my head against the headboard and stare at the way the night light’s colors settle on the ceiling. My eyes feel heavy. His hands still remain inside mine. Warm, rough with cuts... inviting.  _

_ Eren's hands, which can be very gentle, very kind, very soft, despite the fight stories they can tell. Those are the hands he shows me in this moment. Not the angry ones that held a blade looking for blood, and accidentally finding it on my cheek. Those hands aren’t meant for me, it is the hands I’m currently holding that he saves for me.  _

_ “Eren…” I whisper as my eyes come to a close.  _

_ There’s no response. I pry my eyes open and peer up at him. He’s sleeping. Long eyelashes against his cheekbones, mouth slightly open, frown softened to a smooth plane.  _

_ I smile and I want to wake him up so he can sleep in a better position, but I don’t dare wake him. I don’t want him to leave.  _

_ I’m so tired, and sleep clouds my judgement as I lean my head against his shoulder, but in the moment of sleeping, I realize an important key detail in our relationship: I’m madly... deeply in love with him.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind comments and kudos! Thank you for reading and supporting this lovely angst filled ship!


	5. Small Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean takes Eren and Mikasa to the police station. Past wounds are opened as Jean talks about reopening the case for the murder of Eren's parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mentions of sex trafficking, nothing graphic just the name drop, but in case that makes you uncomfortable, here's your warning.

I just want to go home. I’m tired. I want Armin and Sasha by my side. This plastic chair has become way too uncomfortable. And there’s only so much entertainment my fingernails can provide me. 

_Why?_ Why is he here? Why did he come with Jean and I? And why can’t my knee stop moving!

I put a hand on my bouncing knee and force it to stop. There. It stopped bouncing, but now my finger has begun to tap on the chair’s plastic. _Tap, tap, tap._

_Breathe, Mikasa, breath. In and out, relax._

I close my eyes and focus on my breath. 

_Breath, Mikasa… breath._

I imagine myself sitting on a plane seat with the sign pointing to Tokyo. Yes, that’s where my home is. It’s taken me years to build myself up since the day I left here. It’s just me and my aunt in our home, our _ikkodate,_ that’s been passed down from generation after generation from my mother’s side. The ancient bonsai tree in our garden is proof of that. 

Eren was just a passing in my life filled with hard lessons. I’ve scrubbed every trace of him off me. He belongs in the past, a past with a door I have locked shut and thrown the key into the river to never open again. **_Hmm-mm!_ **

When the black cloth was still tied around my eyes, I was calm. I trusted Armin to come up with a plan. And of course he did, he contacted Jean while he was tied. But then I heard _his_ voice. 

There was no mistaking the timber of his voice, even if it had gotten deeper with the years, I knew it was him. At the moment, I wished it wasn’t him, I hoped that I’d be mistaken, but then Annie walked me to him and ripped more than the blindfold away. 

She ripped the scars open that I was forced to heal on my own with the years. He just stood there, with his long hair brushing his shoulders, a patch of hair on his chin accompanied by a thin line of hair on his upper lip. And finally, the same pair of green eyes, which I used to think could hold a body of stars inside them, were looking at me. 

For a second, I wanted to tell Annie to shoot me and dispose of my existence. However, what would that make me? I’d be throwing all my self-growth down the drain, I can’t go back to a life he kicked me out from. 

I won’t have him with the armor he covers himself in. That’s not who I am anymore. 

But who am I kidding? He could care less about that. Our paths have diverged. This right here... us being in the same hallway, sitting at different ends of the room is just a little hiccup. After Jean tells me I’m done, I’m out of here. 

**∞**

I should’ve shaved this morning… and gone to the barber for a haircut. I should’ve washed the fresh out of prison look off myself. No! Maybe this is a good look. This is who I am now. 

_Argh, no… I should’ve at least shaved._

Being with Jean in the same car, made me feel like a thug. Damn, if someone took a picture of us, it’d be the perfect poster to deter kids from committing crime. Jean, looking tall and pristine in his police uniform… and then there’s me, someone who was literally in a dumpster not so long ago. 

Jean steps out of an office with a file in hand, and looks at me.

“Hey, Eren, come with me.” 

“Just tell me why you want me here, and I’ll get out your hair.” 

Jean gives a quick shake of his head, making me realize that he means business.

“It’s a delicate matter.”

He nervously scratches the scruff of his facial hair before he speaks in a soft tone directed at me.

“It’s about your parents.” 

_My parents._ My chest hurts at the mention of them and painful memories of that day resurface. I lick my lips to speak, but nothing comes out. Jean holds my shoulder. 

“I know man, I know.” 

I let him lead me, but not before he turns around. 

“Mikasa, I think you want to hear this, too.” 

I feel numb. I think my legs are moving, but I’m not sure. _Is Mikasa coming with me?_

Next thing I know, I’m in a room with a desk between Jean and I. Mikasa did come with us, she’s sitting behind me, on a chair against the wall. 

Jean clears his throat and opens the file and shuffles through some papers. He takes a deep breath as he skims through the papers and sets them on the table. I’m not able to see much of them, as he puts his forearm over them. He doesn’t speak, I don’t think he knows where to begin. 

“Come on, Jean! Just say what you have to say.” 

Jean sighs and folds his hands over his face. 

“I’m being considerate… jerk.” 

“You’re being dramatic!” 

I don't want to sound mad, but I fail to keep it from coming out like it. I just need to know what the hell there is to say on the matter of my parents. Jean has had it with me, as he drops his hands over the desk in a loud resounding slap. 

“Fine! We are on to someone that might know the identity of your parents’ killer! There.”

My parent’s killer? My mind goes blank, I feel the blood running through my veins simmer, as I grit my teeth.

“Who? Tell me!” 

I don’t mean to bang the table as hard as I do, but there’s no going back from it. Rage has clouded my head. _Who the fuck followed Reiner’s orders? And how have they gotten away for so long? When I find out who they are, they won’t be walking away with their lives, I’ll make sure of it!_

“Eren, please calm down… I don’t want you hurting my boss’ table.” 

Jean stands up and rubs the spot I just hit, and he looks concerned, more for the table than me. He’s doing this to distract me, isn’t he? 

“Jean,” I rasp as I back into my chair. 

Jean sits down once he sees that I've calmed down, and again fiddles with his badge. He runs his fingers over his hair and makes it settle nicely in place, he then folds his hands over the table, and clears his throat. 

“Listen, Eren, I’m working on reopening the case, I’m getting help from-”

“Professor Smith,” Mikasa interjects. 

I’d forgotten that she was here. Jean looks behind me, impressed. 

“How’d you know?” he asks, but then he sighs answering his own question, “Armin.” 

_Armin? Who’s Professor Smith?_ I’m about to ask, but Mikasa seems to have read my mind and answers. 

“Professor Smith is Armin’s law professor. He mentioned something about him helping him, this must be it.” 

_Armin._ He’s doing this for me? I turn to Jean and speak, there’s a more pressing matter on my mind right now. 

“Tell me where this person who knows about my parents’ killer is!” 

Jean clicks his tongue and sighs. 

“That’s the problem.”

“Why?” 

“He’s in New York.”

“New York?” 

Jean leans over the table and his tone of voice takes a dark turn. 

“Eren… how much do you know about Reiner’s activities?” 

A chill runs down my spine as I realize where he’s getting at. I found out about Reiner’s activities three years ago. Even for him, I thought it was too dark, too disturbing, but then again, he did mastermind my parents’ murder. _Reiner… you truly are a_ _monster and I will finish you!_

I look at Jean and he meets my stare as I utter, “Sex trafficking. That’s what he’s been doing.” 

Silence fills the room. 

Jean scratches the back of his head and exhales, he speaks in a whisper. 

“Yeah.”

Dammit! I jab my finger against the desk, like I’m in an intense political debate and I’m on the losing side.

“Yeah? That’s all you have to say! Why hasn’t anyone fucking locked him up?”

Jean rubs an exasperated hand over his face.

“Eren, we’ve been trying. This type of case is difficult when you can’t trace the culprit so easily.” 

“Oh? But it was really easy to find me guilty for something I didn’t do, huh?”

“Damn it, Eren. Can you just listen? I want to get to the bottom of this too, okay!”

I huff and sit back on the chair.

“Fine, I’m listening.” 

“Thank you.” 

Jean presses his lips together in concentration as he slowly spreads the papers on the desk, and clears his throat to speak.

“There’s this officer in New York City who’s investigating Reiner. Officer Bott... Marco, real nice guy. He’s on the other side of the country and he happens to fall into a lead for your parents’ case from a kid.”

“A kid?” 

“Yes, a kid…”

Jean rummages through the papers on the desk, and points to a picture of a light brown haired kid. 

“Falco Grice. He’s been a huge help.” 

“What does this kid have to do with my parents’ case?” 

Jean’s eyes widen, he looks behind me to look at Mikasa, then back at me. He looks like he’s going to tell a really unbelievable story, that not even he can believe. 

“So get this, Marco’s investigating the sex trafficking case and he comes in contact with this kid, who’s friends with Reiner’s cousin... the kid hates what Reiner’s doing, says he wants to stop him. Something about Reiner’s cousin being in a bad environment. I don’t know... So, one day the kid asks Marco if he knows who Eren Yeager is. Marco immediately calls me, because... well… I’ve told him about you...”

Jean looks embarrassed when he says this and again clears his throat. 

“The kid claims that he overheard a phone conversation from some guy named Marlowe. In the conversation with an unknown person, this Marlowe guy mentioned something about your parents’ murder-”

Mikasa suddenly interrupts.

“Marlowe… I remember him, he served as a witness.”

I turn to look back at her, but she keeps looking at Jean, ignoring me completely. She looks consternated and rubs her thumb over her index finger repeatedly, like she tends to do when she’s lost in thought. Jean slaps the table in triumph. 

“Yes! So this Falco kid listened in on this guy’s conversation, where he was gloating about bearing false witness in Eren Yeager’s case... and you know what I think? I think he was speaking to the actual murderer!”

I don’t know where to look, or who to turn to. I don’t know if it’s excitement or hope that’s bubbling within me over the possibility of clearing my name. Shall I dare let this feeling of hope emerge? Can my freedom really return in the name of the law? 

I gulp and try to remain calm, but Jean’s smile is contagious and I can feel a small smile bloom from my face. 

“Okay, now what?” 

“We can start by tracking down this Marlowe dude, and get him to confess, but-”

“He’s in New York.” 

“Yeah.” 

“New York,” I repeat, as I move my hair out of my face. 

It’s then that an officer enters the room, interrupting our conversation.

“Jean? Where’s Mikasa Ackerman?” 

Jean becomes stiff and stands up to salute the officer, then he points behind me.

“Sir, she’s right there. Are you going to question her?” 

“Yes, she is pressing charges, right?"

“Yes,” she answers. 

The officer smiles, “Okay, follow me then, miss. I’ll bring her right back. Don’t you two worry.”

“You better,” Jean laughs. 

Maybe it’s just me, but I really want to punch Jean’s work laugh off his mouth. Mikasa and the officer leave the room, leaving Jean and I alone. When I’m sure she’s out of the room I bring my hands forward and I rub my face as I knock back on the chair, feeling the mental exhaustion this day has given me. I look at Jean with hooded eyes as I rest my head on the headrest. 

“Well, that was the fakest laugh ever, Jean.” 

He looks genuinely confused. 

“Was it?”

“Yes.” 

“Well, he’s letting me borrow his office, so… let me fake laugh my way into this office. I hate those cubicles they stick the rookies in.” 

Jean takes a sheet of paper from the drawer and doodles on it, as I boredly move to rest my cheek on my fist. I can’t help thinking about it. _Freedom._ _Could it really be that easy to obtain?_ Jean studies his art and then looks at me. 

“What are you doing next year?” 

I shrug, “Who knows, maybe I’ll be dead.” 

Jean scoffs, “Don’t be so pessimistic.” 

“Why? What’s happening next year?” 

“My wedding.” 

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Jean has a fiancée?

“Really? Who’s the poor girl?” 

Without missing a beath, he answers.

“Mikasa.” 

I glare at Jean and he immediately laughs. There it is, his genuine laugh, not whatever that was earlier. 

“I missed my chance to take a picture of your face. Do it again.” 

He folds over laughing, as he shakily brings his phone out to point it at me.

“Shut up.”

He laughs a little more and holds his chest as he catches his breath, wiping the tears off the corner of his eyes. 

“I’m just messing with you, my fiance's name is Hitch.” 

“Pieck?” 

“Yeah, she... she’s my life, Eren. My little Hitch.”

“Your life,” I repeat absently. 

“Come on, Eren, you get where I’m coming from.” 

“What do you mean?” 

He leans forward on the desk and places two pointy elbows against the wood of the desk and nods to the door Mikasa walked out of, as if she’s standing right there. He becomes so serious in this moment, and frankly it’s a bit scary. Serious Jean. When did this happen? 

“What are you going to do?” 

I frown at him.

“About what?”

“Mikasa, you moron, who else?” 

I take the sheet of paper from Jean and see that he’s been doodling me this entire time. He’s such a bad drawer, I look nothing like this. My facial hair looks way better than this, and not like the three dots he’s drawn on my chin.

“What are you talking about?” 

“Eren, you bastard.” 

I slowly start ripping the sheet of paper piece by piece, letting the pieces scatter on Jean’s boss’ desk. Jean’s serious expression fades and it’s replaced by a relaxed one as he leans back on the chair and swivels. This action makes him look like a kid, and not like the responsible police officer he’s trying to be. 

“You know… I had the hugest crush on her as kids.” 

He smiles as he says this, stuck in a youthful memory of long ago.

“Really? I never noticed,” I lie. 

“Shut up, you knew. I knew, you knew.” 

I scoff and he continues talking, staring up at the fluorescent light dreamily. 

“But, no matter how much I liked her, deep down I knew she could never like me back. Want to know why?” 

“Why?” I ask in a flat monotonous voice, and I continue to rip the sheet of paper.

“Because of you, Eren. Come on, stop being such a dense idiot.” 

I stop ripping the sheet of paper and freeze, looking down at my hands. _Because of me._ Shake it off idiot. That was four years ago. 

“She doesn’t want anything to do with me.” 

“Be honest with her.” 

Suddenly, the memory before I received my jail sentence flashes on my mind. 

_I’m sitting in a waiting area, alone. I’m wearing the only suit I own. My fists are bunched on top of my knees, restrained by cold metal handcuffs. I’m scared, so scared. All I’m thinking is how cruel life is. What did I do to deserve this?_

_What will happen to Mikasa? Will she actually leave? I don’t want her to, I really don’t._

_But when Levi gave me the phone number of her aunt from Japan, I had to think about the worst outcome. If I had to go to jail, she’d be all by herself again. Levi can keep her safe, but there’s too many people who want his head on a stick. She’d just be too exposed._

_I held on to that phone number for a week before calling her aunt. I was lucky that she spoke some English. Yeah… I’ll call it luck._

_I can’t even face Mikasa, I don’t dare look at her eyes when she sees me. Her being upset is bad enough, now her being upset because of me, I just can’t handle that._

_Why did this happen to us? Why couldn’t things be different?_

_As I’m thinking about my pathetic life, someone sits next to me. I don’t look at them, I continue to look at the white tiled floor. But the person speaks, and I instantly recognize his voice._

_“Look where your choices have gotten you.”_

_My fist come undone, as I turn to Reiner. He’s wearing this really nice navy blue suit, and although he looks composed, there’s an emptiness in his eyes._

_I don’t know what to tell him, I guess I’ll tell him the truth._

_“I had no choice,” I tell him._

_“Yeah, it was him or Armin, right?”_

_“You would’ve done the same thing, but you would’ve chosen Bertholdt.”_

_“You’re right. But you and I, Eren. We’re the same. You wouldn’t have let it go so easily, would you?”_

_I look at Reiner in confusion._

_“What are you getting at?”_

_“What would you do to me if I had chosen Bertholdt instead of Armin?”_

_What would I do? I’d get back at him. I’d get back-_

_An uneasiness rises within me as I stare at Reiner, but he’s looking at the officer, who stands by the door. Reiner then puts his hands in his pockets and stands in front of me. I don’t look at him, until he says._

_“It’s a shame what had to happen to your parents... it really is.”_

_What had to happen to my parents? What is he trying to tell me? Is he- Is he the reason my parents are dead? He is, isn't he! _

_“Reiner...” I whisper in disbelief, “It was you, wasn’t it?”_

_Reiner smirks, I stand up so fast that the bench I sit on moves back with a discordant shriek. I get a hold of his nicely pressed shirt and bunch it in my fists, with the metal rattle of the handcuffs serving as the frustrating reminder of where I am about to go. The police officer shouts._

_“Hey! Settle down!”_

_Reiner waves a dismissive hand at the officer and smiles at me. He speaks so calculated, so cold, yet full of meaning._

_“I can kill you so easily... but you know what’s better than that? Having you see those you care about die, without you being able to do a single thing about it. It was your parents this time, but who knows, maybe tomorrow it’ll be Armin… or Mikasa.”_

_“I won’t let you!” I grit through my teeth._

_Reiner laughs at my face, “What could you do? Don’t be delusional, tell me, what can you possibly do behind bars? Come on, tell me!”_

_Reiner’s eyes are suddenly filled with anger, but so are mine. My nostrils flare because fucking hell, he’s right. Things haven’t been looking good for me. I feel out of my element._

_The officer’s walkie begins to sound off._

_“Send in Eren Yeager.”_

_The officer looks at me and waves me over, “You heard, come on.”_

_Reiner lifts his eyebrows mocking me._

_“Go, your future awaits you.”_

_The officer holds the door open and waits for me to start walking. I glower at Reiner before walking away, I’m about to say something to Reiner, but the officer calls me again._

_“Yeager! Get going!”_

_I turn to Reiner, but he’s walking away. Fuck. Fuck everything. I won’t let him get away with this. I can’t. I suddenly yell after him._

_“Reiner! If I’m the same as you, then you should be worried! You hear me!”_

_Reiner stops walking, but he doesn’t turn around. The officer grabs me by my elbow._

_“Let’s go, kid. Stop making trouble for yourself.”_

_My chest heaves up and down. I want to punch the air, I want to cry, I want to yell, but all I feel is the fight in me dissipating into a cloud of smoke._

**_Brrrt. Brrrt. Brrrt._ **

The vibration inside my pocket brings me out of that bad memory. Jean cleans the pieces of paper from the desk and nods down to my pocket. 

“Answer your phone.”

My phone continues to vibrate and Jean holds his hand out. 

“What? Want me to call your name like they did in prison?” He cups his hands around his mouth and loudly says, “Phone call for Eren Yeager!” 

I should punch him, but he’s probably the only person who can make fun of something traumatic that happened to me, without me getting irrationally angry. Maybe, it’s because I know there’s no ill intent from his part. 

My phone continues to vibrate in my pocket and I reach inside to take it out. I haven’t named any of my contacts yet, but I only have one contact so far. So, I’m confident to say that I know who it is. 

“Are you here, Floch?” 

Jean scrunches his nose and sticks out his tongue when I say his name. They better give Floch a chance, he’s not a bad guy. Really. 

However, that’s not the problem at hand, because when Floch speaks, he sounds anything but calm. 

“Eren! They hit me in the head! My head’s bleeding-” 

“Hey, slow down, what do you mean you are bleeding?” 

At this Jean perks up and looks at me, mouthing, ‘what’s going on.’ I put my phone on speaker and put the phone down on the desk, so both Jean and I can listen. Floch speaks rapidly and groans in pain every so often. 

“We were heading to the car, but Annie showed up out of nowhere. I don’t know what happened, I was hit in the head and blanked out-”

_Crap._

“Floch, are Armin and Sasha with you?” 

There’s a long pause on his side, and it doesn’t take him long for him to confirm my fear. 

“I-I’m sure Annie took him. My head hurts. I don’t know what to tell you. Sasha? I don’t know where she is… she might be with Niccolo.” 

Jean’s jaw twitches at his temple and he presses his fist against the table. For a moment, he doesn’t look his age, and he looks more like the respectful officer he’s striving to be. 

“We’ll be right over there,” Jean says sternly. 

“Who’s talking?” Floch asks. 

“Jean.” 

“Why are you with Jean, Eren?” 

_What the fuck?_

“That doesn’t matter. We’re going to see you right now.” 

_Armin._ Where could they have possibly taken him? 

Jean’s already at the door, and he quickly waves me over, “Come on, let’s go. Let’s just get Mikasa.” 

I nod and we both make our way through the police station. You’d think this’d be the last place I’d be at on my first day of freedom, but what can you do. Jean sees the officer that took Mikasa, casually chatting with another officer near the water cooler. Jean straightens his back and respectfully interrupts their conversation. 

“Sir, where’s Mikasa?” 

The officers stop talking, and the officer who took Mikasa, speaks. 

“Oh, the pretty young lady? We finished the questioning, and she left like ten minutes ago. Think she took an uber. Seemed like she was in a hurry.” 

My stomach sinks a little when I hear this. _Is that how bad she wants me out of her life?_

Jean places my hand on my shoulder, “Come on, let’s go with Floch. I’ll call Mikasa later.”

“Yeah.” 

_Does Jean feel bad for me?_

He shouldn’t. It’s good she left. At least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. I don’t know why she’s here in California in the first place. And why am I hating myself because she saw me like this? I run a frustrated hand through my hair and tsk. No… maybe she should see me like this, she should see me for who I am. This will make her regret ever being associated with me, and who knows? She might also be happy about leaving with her aunt. 

It might even be good for me to see her after all this time, because it made me realize that the crying girl I told to leave all those years ago is no longer there. She listened to me, and left. And instead she’s been replaced by an elegant woman who won’t dare glance at someone like me. 

I’m not the same boy she met all those years ago, and she’s not the same girl. Our paths have diverged never to cross again. It’s high time for me to accept that. I must let her go. 

**∞**

Straight to voicemail, again. _Where are they?_

I look out the car window, as the Uber driver pulls up at Sasha’s house. I really hope her and Armin are in there. Maybe, they didn’t want to go to the police station and told Floch to drop them off here instead, because if they’re not here, where could they possibly be? 

“Thank you,” I say to the Uber driver and head inside Sasha’s home. 

Mrs. Blouse is on the couch watching the news, she turns off the television once she hears me, and makes her way to me. 

“Sasha! Mikasa! How was your day?” 

_Sasha and Armin aren’t here!_ I put my hand to my forehead and grunt as I feel the beginning of a migraine forming at the front of my head. Mrs. Blouse quickly takes notice of my discomfort and takes my hand to lead me to a chair. She rubs my back and speaks gently to me. 

“Oh, you’ve got a headache. I should have an ice pack somewhere.” 

She’s about to walk away, but I hold her hand to stop. 

“Mrs. Blouse, wait. Today… Sasha, Armin, and I… we.”

I suddenly remember Sasha mentioning that her mom had a heart attack scare earlier this year. Maybe I should hold off telling her and wait a little while, until I can reach Sasha or Armin. But I’ve made dozens of calls and they won’t answer. _He_ said Floch will bring them to the police station, but Floch never did. 

“You guys were what, Mikasa? Where’s Sasha?” 

Mrs. Blouse looks at me waiting for an answer, she’s growing concerned, and I open my mouth to answer, but nothing comes out. Come on, Mikasa, say something. 

“Sasha… and Armin are not here yet. My head hurt... and I wanted to rest.” 

Mrs. Blouse holds her chest and rubs my back again. 

“Poor thing, let me get you the ice pack.” 

Mrs. Blouse walks to the kitchen and I take out my phone again. There’s only one notification from my aunt, but nothing from Armin or Sasha. Please, please, be okay. 

My phone rings and I almost drop it to the ground. I don’t recognize the number at all, but how things are, I answer.

“Hello?”

“Mikasa!” 

“Sasha! W-where are you? Are you okay?” 

Oh, thank god! I feel relief flood through me at once, but there’s still something bothering me, and Sasha’s tone of voice sounds a little off... a little frantic. 

“I-I’m fine, I’m okay, but… Armin… he- I don’t know where he is. We got separated and the guy I’m with keeps calling Floch, but he won’t answer.”

“What? Where are you?” 

“I’m with this guy, wait- what’s your name? N-niccolo? Are you Italian?”

“Sasha! Where’s Armin?” 

“I don’t know. I’m heading home, you haven’t told my mom about what happened to us, have you?”

“No.”

“Oh, thanks, Mikasa, I knew you wouldn't. I’ll see you in a bit... we’ll find him, I’m sure.” 

She waits for me to respond, but the uneasiness I feel stops me from answering. I hang up and look through my contacts until I find Jean’s phone number. I press the green phone button and while I wait for it to ring, I step outside. 

“Hello?”

“Jean, it’s Mikasa.” 

“Yeah, I know it’s you, Mikasa.” 

“Sasha just called me… she doesn’t know where Armin is.”

Jean sighs. Oh no, this doesn’t sound good. I’m about to ask what he knows, but he speaks before I do. 

“Yeah, he was with Floch, and we’re with Floch right now-”

_Was?_

“Armin’s not with you!”

“No, he isn't.”

“No?” 

Jean sighs again. There it is that dread at the pit of my stomach, letting me know that Jean is going to tell me something I don’t want to hear. 

“Annie,” _Oh no…_ “Took him.” 

**∞**

New York. Annie took Armin to New York. 

Niccolo, the guy who brought Sasha, stands with us on the front porch. Sasha holds her hand to her mouth when I tell her what Jean told me through the phone. 

“Oh no. Why would she do that?” 

“Jean says that she somehow followed Floch and Armin, some sort of scuffle happened between them, she hit him on the head and he fell unconscious, and that’s when she took Armin.” 

I turn to Niccolo accusatory, “Why didn’t you go with them? Why didn’t you take Armin with you?” 

Sasha holds my arm and squeezes firmly, tears are falling from her face, “Mikasa. I’m sorry. It happened so quickly. There were gunshots and we all got into different cars.” She balls her fists and bumps her forehead gently, “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry!” 

I get a hold of her fist, and shake my head at her. Damn it, I made her blame herself. This is the last thing I want. People blaming themselves for things that are out of their control. Niccolo’s not at fault, Sasha’s not at fault, neither am I. 

“This isn’t your fault, Sasha,” I turn to Niccolo apologetically, “I’m sorry for blaming you. It’s been a long day. It’s been too much-” 

Sasha wraps her hand around my shoulder and leans her head on it in a comforting manner. 

“I know, I know.” 

My second day here and life is quick to remind me that I made the correct choice by leaving. Still, I don’t want to sit here doing nothing, I need to save Armin. I have to call Jean. I must go to New York. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for reading this far.


	6. Only In Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa is headed to New York City to help rescue Armin, but is she the only one flying to the Big Apple?

Damn this jetlag, it feels like I’ve got rocks resting on my eyes. My sleeping schedule has been all over the place these last few days. I guess I can try to sleep on the plane, but my back aches at the thought of sitting through another plane ride. Just fight through it, Mikasa. _How long’s the flight? Four hours max?_

I called Jean. I told him I was going to New York whether he helped me or not, and knowing Jean, he chose the former. He called his cop friend, Marco, and now here I am, making my way through the narrow airplane’s hallway, trying my best to not hit anyone with my carry-on. 

I quickly find my seat next to a kid, who looks around eight years old, nervously biting his fingernails. His eyes widen when he sees me approaching the seat and a cute little blush appears on his face when I smile at him. 

“Hello,” I say. 

“H-hi,” the little boy shyly says, and nothing more. Quiet kid, just how I was… well technically, I still am. I’ve never been much of a talker. 

I try to relax into my seat, but the kid stretches his neck over the seat ahead, like he’s looking for someone. There’s still people getting on the plane, but not that many. It won’t be long until we’re all buckled up and ready to fly, but the kid’s parents are nowhere to be seen. Oh, I think I know what’s going on. I turn to the kid and ask: 

“Did your parents get a different seat?”

The kid looks at me with these wide worried eyes and nods. 

“M-my mom’s sitting on the seat over there.” 

He points towards the front of the plane and the thought of looking for his mother and switching seats with her flashes in my mind. However, it’s then that I see a woman making her way towards our seats, and she holds the same eyes as the kid, making me assume that she’s his mom. 

“Is that your mom?” 

The kid nods. And the woman smiles at me when she reaches us. 

“Hi!” she beams.

“Hi,” I respond. 

She continues to smile and for a moment it seems like she doesn't know what to say. 

“I’m his mother, if he gives you any trouble, you can come get me, I’m right up ahead,” she says and points down the aisle. 

I smile at her, and it’s clear as day that the easiest thing to do is to switch seats with her. 

“I have an idea, why don’t we switch seats.”

The woman’s eyes light up, but she's quick to hold a concerned hand over her chest. 

“Really? You’re all settled, I don’t want you to move around.” 

“It’s no bother,” I say, meaning every word. 

I stand up to get my carry-on luggage from the overhead compartment, and ask her where her seat is. The woman points down the aisle. 

“It’s the only open seat next to the aisle on your left hand side… there’s this handsome young man next to it. I’m sure you won’t miss it.” 

She gives me this sly coy smile and I almost want to shake my head. Promises of handsome young men do nothing to me. I’m switching seats with her, so she can sit next to her child, not to sit next to the love of my life. 

“Thank you,” I say and head to my new seat. 

Again, I go on my search for my new seat. It is not far from where I was originally seated, it’s only a couple of rows ahead. I quickly spot the only open seat and make haste, but it seems my kindness has a price, when I see who the handsome young man the woman was referring to is. _Eren_. 

I close my eyes as if that could make him disappear, but I open them and he’s staring at me with the string of his sand colored hoodie hanging limply from his bottom lip. It falls. 

His long hair is up in a bun, and he is clean shaven. With his hair out of his face, his eyes look as bright as ever. In the few seconds of seeing him that’s what I take in. I’m about to put my hand on my chest to stop the foolish thrumming that wants to take over, but instead I bring it to push a strand of hair behind my ear. 

I then clear my throat and put my luggage in the overhead compartment. He too, clears his throat, but says nothing, and only moves to face forward. 

I sit down and I am quick to curse the small confined size of the seat, as his legs are spread wide, definitely crossing my side of the seat. I try to keep myself small and try to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that’s beginning to form at the point where my knees meet, because there’s no way in hell that I want his leg brushing against mine. However, he soon moves his legs closer to take less room. 

Okay... I guess I can relax a little. 

**∞**

The woman that was sitting next to me kept talking about a mistake the airline made. She was supposed to be seated next to her son, and she was worried that he might cry the entire plane ride. It was easy for me to advise her to go ask whoever was sitting next to her son to switch seats. Shit, I even told her to make it seem like her kid was a troublemaker, no one wants to sit next to one of those. At least that’s what people said about me. Now, what was it that I told her to say as a last resort? 

Ah yes, tell them that they’d be sitting next to a devilishly handsome guy. _Me_. I was expecting a new face to sit next to me, but surely I wasn’t expecting Mikasa. And surely, she wasn’t expecting me either. She looked annoyed when she saw me and her body language is tense to say the least. She must be uncomfortable sitting next to me. Argh, what if she only moved because she was expecting a handsome guy, and all she got was me.

I want to tell her to relax, but that’ll probably be no help coming from me. So, I just move myself to make more room for her. And it seems to work, as I watch her shoulders relax from the corner of my eye. 

I cross my arms over my chest to keep them away from the armrest, in case she wants to use it. I involuntarily sigh, and as I inhale I get a whiff of her scent. A steady stream of warmth oozes through my body as I recognize it. It’s a mixture of her natural scent, which is this indescribable soothing smell I’ve always found comfort in, mixed with… yeah, that’s it, the lavender rose lotion she uses. _Wow, she still uses the same lotion?_

It’s not an overpowering smell, it’s a barely there smell that compliments her natural scent nicely. I remember always sneaking into her room to steal her lotion. I’d just sit there and smell my hands like a dumbass, because it smelled like her scarf, which smelled like her. 

_Her scarf!_ What in the hell am I going to do with that? Right now, it is packed in my suitcase. _Why did I bring it? Why?_ I’m really still a dumbass. 

The plane backs out of the runway and as it prepares to take off. I stare out the window so I don’t give into looking at her. However, she does something that breaks my concentration. She yawns. A very small gasp like yawn, like she tried hard to suppress, but failed miserably. 

I almost turn to look at her, but I continue looking out the window, trying to hide my small smile. You want to know why? Because that was the cutest yawn I’ve ever- _Stop it, Eren. Stop!_

I must be cruel to be kind to her. If I want her to survive she must be far… _far away from me_ , therefore, I must slide the mask of steel over my face. Nevertheless, this has been more difficult than I thought, as she’s sitting next to me. Not that she wants to. I must remember that. 

I hadn’t even thought about why she’s here. _Damn it!_ She better not be going for Armin. I’m taking care of that. Me! Not her! 

I want to tell her this. I want to tell her to stay far and away from anything having to do with Reiner, because I know Reiner won’t hesitate to hurt her. In the past, in the before time of us I could tell her this, right now... I am a nobody to her. A nobody, who can’t advise her what to do. Still, I remember when everything between us was an unspoken language. It was a glance, a hum of yes, a single touch, a language that existed for us, created by us. 

_What the hell happened?_

The plane takes off and we spend the first hour in utter complete silence. She moves to put her headphones on and plugs them into the earphone jack. For a while, all I hear is the tap of her fingernail against the screen as she scrolls through the movie library, until she finally makes her choice. 

I see all this through the corner of my eye, but the nagging little voice rattles in my head. _Stop, Eren, stop trying to look at her._ Fine! I’ll look out the window. _Damn!_

I release a frustrated sigh as I look out the window, and how boring because all there is below us is the midwest, filled with nothing but flat plains. I do this for about fifteen minutes, when I feel something gently plop on my shoulder. My body slightly startles at the action, and when I see what it is, my chest thumps once, followed by an erratic strumming beat threatening to jump out of me. 

Mikasa has fallen asleep, and her head is currently resting on my shoulder. I repeat. Mikasa has fallen asleep on my fucking shoulder. 

_Should I wake her up, so she could move?_ The nagging voice in my head tells me yes, but the soft knocking on my chest tells me the opposite. 

My head and the headrest come in contact in a frustrated sigh. She then moves her head slightly, and I’m scared that she might wake up, but she doesn’t. Instead, she settles her head in a more comfortable position. 

Her hair caresses the bottom of my jaw and I almost groan in frustration, because I don’t know what to do. Wake her up, so she can move? Let her sleep on my shoulder? What do I do!? However, it is in the process of thinking that the realization hits me like a cannonball smashing through a wall. _She’s right here._ Fuck, she’s right here, after all these years… she’s right here with me. 

How many days did I spend in that cold jail cell wondering what she was up to, and secretly hoping she was thinking of me? Wishing that she didn’t grow to hate me. How pathetic am I? I want to cry. I want to shake her awake, hold her, and tell her that I am so fucking happy to see her. I want her to tell me that she’s happy to see me, too. 

What did I do to deserve this? I feel like the luckiest man in the world to have her head resting upon my shoulder, but at the same time, the pang on my chest reminds me that this is probably the first and last time I can have her like this. _Fuck._

Therefore, I look down at her sleeping face and take in every detail of her, hoping that it becomes engraved in my brain, so I can relive this memory whenever the hell I want. Her long bangs cross her face and I move it ever so gently behind her ear. My chest rises in a quiet gasp, when her face is revealed. She’s really become such a beautiful woman, hasn’t she? 

I don’t even know where to start. I struggle to gulp when her scar becomes visible and the memory of when I did that to her comes back to haunt me. I made her that scar. _Me._ Why is it always me who hurts her? It’s like I hold a knife against the world yelling at the top of my lungs to back the fuck away because I’m the one protecting her, but it’s always me who turns around and stabs her. _I’m always hurting her… me._

“I’m sorry,” I whisper so quietly that even I can barely hear myself.

_I’m so sorry for failing to give you what you deserve._

As I stare at her, I remember the first time my eyes fell on her. The day I first met her, in the cruelest, most violent manner, all I wanted to do was protect her and to keep her safe. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. 

That day, my father was waiting for his old high school friend, Mikasa’s father, to come visit us. It was going to be the very first time our families would meet, and my father was beyond excited. But then he received a call from his friend. Something about his car breaking down near our neighborhood. 

As we made our way to them, my dad mentioned something about his friend having a daughter. He kept reminding me of this fact, I think he was scared that I might say something rude to her or something I wasn't supposed to.

_“Be nice to her, she’s on the shy side, so don’t… don’t antagonize her. It’s just the three of them, so they're very protective of each other.”_

I was a little shit because I asked my father, _“When have I antagonized anyone?”_ knowing well I was a pro at that. 

My father just looked down at my bruised cheek and raised his eyebrows in contempt.

 _“You fight anyone that looks at you funny, I’m surprised Armin’s still your friend.”_

I felt indignation when my own father told me those things, but he was right. Armin stuck with me for one reason or another. He’d always been a good friend, and another person I had to keep away from, and safe from Reiner. 

I’m guessing Mikasa and Armin kept in contact after all this time. I feel grateful for that, because for the longest time it was just the three of us. Our neighborhood was not the safest due to gang activity, plus Reiner and his friends were always terrorizing those they thought were weak. For some reason, Bertholdt always picked on Armin. If he’d see him on the street, he wouldn’t hesitate to harass him. 

That’s why Armin would rarely leave his home, unless Mikasa or I accompanied him. The day I cut Mikasa’s cheek was one of the few days he was on his own. When I reached him that day, Bertholdt had already done a number on him. I was already itching for a fight that day, and Bertholdt just happened to be the perfect target. We fought to see who could win in a war of brute force, but at the end we both lost. That day will live in the top ten worst moments of my life. Number one place goes to the day I had to let Mikasa go. 

Okay, back to the day I met Mikasa. Every now and then you’d hear sounds that sounded like fireworks to the average person, but I knew better than that. I knew they were gunshots and there was some poor sucker that was probably dead on the street with a gunshot wound. 

Therefore, my father was sort of worried about having his friend visit us, and he was right, because as he and I made our way to pick up her family, there was a gun fight between some rival gangs. 

Her family was unfortunately stuck in the crossfire. When my father and I managed to get closer, there were two dead bodies on the asphalt and my father instantly recognized his friend. We looked around and there was no one else, but her parents’ lifeless bodies. 

_“Where’s the girl? Where’s Mikasa?”_ my father said in a panic as he tried in vain to give his friend first aid resuscitation. 

I looked at my surroundings, but she was nowhere to be seen. Before my dad could notice, I was gone. I didn’t know her, but a little voice in my head pushed me to go in search of her. I thought I was some sort of hero who had to rescue a damsel in distress. 

At almost ten years old, consequences were something I didn’t think of. So when I ran into a group of guys in an alley not far from the crime scene, surrounding a frightened girl, I didn’t think twice. The girl looked at me like a deer caught in headlights and she was shaking. I didn’t know if it was due to the cold front we’d been going through for the past week, making our usually warm weather uncharacteristically chilly, or because she was that scared. 

I felt an untamed anger forming within me, and the bruise on her cheek did nothing to lessen my fury. There was no doubt that this was her. This was Mikasa Ackerman. 

Zeke had given me a hunting knife behind my parents’ back as a Christmas present. It’s the same one I used to cut her restraints yesterday. For some reason, I thought that day would be a great day to slip it into my back pocket before leaving home. And now, there I stood in front of three thugs. 

_“Get the fuck out of here kid,”_ one of the idiots spat. 

_“Who knows, maybe he wants to join?”_ the other mocked. 

I gritted my teeth as I clutched the grip of the hunting knife behind my back. They didn’t see me as a threat, but as a joke. How foolish of them, really. Because they let me get closer to them, and I just started swinging. I struck one of them in the abdomen, and the other on his shoulder blade. When I removed my knife they ran away like dogs with their tails stuck between their legs, but my father later on found out that they were caught by the police. 

The third guy was quicker than the others and he managed to push me against the hard brick wall. Then the asshole started choking me. Me! An almost ten year old kid! Who does that? And to make matters worse my hunting knife was nowhere to be seen. 

Even as this guy was choking me, I looked for her. And she stood there with the most shocked expression ever, with my hunting knife inside her trembling hand. To this day, I regret what I made her do, but I had to tell her those words. If we wanted to make it out of there, we had to fight. 

_“Fight! If you don’t fight, you can’t win!”_

When the guy let go of my neck, that’s when I knew she listened to me. She had driven the knife into the guy’s back and dropped it with a dissonant clatter to the ground. My father suddenly appeared with two cops in tow, and I completely ignored what happened with that because all I could focus on, was her. I think my father yelled at me, but frankly I paid him no attention, and gave him glib excuses for what I did. 

There was no hesitance as I walked towards her, because she just stood there in silence with a blank stare to her face. Right, she had no idea who I was. I tried to talk to her. I told her I knew who she was, but she said nothing. My father even tried talking to her and told her he knew her father, but still... nothing. 

It was getting late and the wind grew brisk and she was still shaking. I remembered my father saying that it was just the three of them, it wasn’t till later that we found out Levi was her uncle. But in that moment, even she thought she was all alone. 

And there she stood, this girl with smoky gray eyes, and raven black hair, looking at the world with this emptiness that crushed my soul. But then she said those words:

_“It’s cold... there’s no place for me to go home to anymore.”_

It was the first words I heard her utter. ‘ _It’s cold, there’s no place for me to go home to.’ Cold._ Her home, something that was pulled from underneath her feet in an instant, gone just like that. I felt that I had to do something, and even my father was stupefied by what I did next. 

Because without a thought, my fingers laid on top of the warm red material of my scarf and I uncoiled it from my neck. Keeping her warm was my only thought. I just wanted to let her know she was safe and that I was going to give her that safety. 

At the time I didn’t think much about the tears that welled up in her eyes as I wrapped the material around her neck. It wasn’t until much later that I understood what that moment meant to her. 

Her parents were dead, and I wasn’t going to let her be in this world alone, and neither was my father because he didn’t hesitate to invite her to live at our home. The tears welled up at the rim of her eyes, and she was unmoving as my father and I stood there waiting for her to join our family. I reached for her arm and urged her to go with us, because there was a little voice telling me that she had to be a part of my life and that I had to have her by my side. The rest is history. She lived with us, and we were a family, until I had to ruin it all with my choices and behavior. 

I exhale profoundly as I bring my hand to my forehead, regretting every choice I’ve made regarding her. If I’d done things right, our story would be different… so very different. 

I’m lost in my thoughts, when the flight attendant interrupts me. 

“Sir, would you like a refreshment?” 

The flight attendant peers down at me with this wide grin that reveals a friendly straight set of teeth. It takes me a while to realize what she wants, and she repeats her question. 

“Would you like a refreshment?” 

“Uh- yes, a coke.”

As she pours my drink, I turn to look at Mikasa to make sure she’s still asleep, and she is. _Good_ , I think. I’m not dreaming. Because I’ve had many realistic dreams where she and I are together, but this is not a dream, she’s really here. 

The flight attendant then stares at Mikasa and grins even wider. 

“What about your girlfriend?” 

_Girlfriend?_ I look at a sleeping Mikasa with a frown, but what the hell, I’ll take it. 

“Uh, my _girlfriend_ would like water, no ice. She likes her water at room temperature.”

_At least I hope she still does._

The flight attendant gives me our drinks, but not before saying, “You guys are a cute couple.” 

“T-thanks,” I stutter. 

She walks away to the seat in front, and I go back to staring at Mikasa. I’m smiling, like an idiot. How foolish of me? Mikasa, my girlfriend. In my dreams! 

Nevertheless, the more I look at her the more I think that we were always meant to cross paths, one way or another. Like a string tying us together pulling us towards each other saying, “Mikasa and Eren have to be in each other’s life. They just must!” _However, does this mean we will end up together? I don’t want to answer that._

She begins to shuffle her head around my shoulder, and I am so scared that she might wake up, but instead she puts her arm around my torso and snuggles closer to me. _Shit, shit, shit._

The airplane cabin feels like it’s gotten warmer, but it’s not hard for me to realize that I’m the only overheated idiot here. Damn, she really knocked out. It must be all the flying she’s been doing. I myself feel somewhat tired. 

I spent all day with Jean trying to get permission to fly across the country, and that was a hassle. It took all of my energy, but if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here. I wonder if he knows that she’s headed to New York. 

_Just be honest with her._

That’s what he said. I want to be honest with her. I do. But doesn’t he see how that is easier said than done? It’s been too many years, too many unanswered letters, and one unanswered goodbye. 

I let her walk away, and I’m scared to death to let her in just so I can disappoint her again… and again. A smooth hum vibrates against her lips as she continues her slumber and that melodious hum is all I need to be pulled away from what I’m thinking. 

I slowly settle my cheek upon the top of her head and immediately revel in the softness of her soft hair pressed against my cheek. She’s asleep and it’ll just be a minute. I’ll just close my eyes for a quick 60 seconds and it’ll be as if I never pressed my cheek to the top of her head. 

**∞**

“Sir, hello?” 

“They’re asleep.” 

“Guess why I’m trying to wake them up? Everyone’s out of the plane already, and I want to take my break! Miss? Miss!”

 _Miss? Huh?_ I blink my eyes open, and all I see is my arm wrapped around the torso of the sand colored hoodie, _he’s_ wearing. Oh! I’m about to move, but I feel something… no someone pressed on top of my head. Did I- Is he- 

I fell asleep, didn’t I? Why’s my arm wrapped around him? I thought I was dreaming! I move my arm off him, and I want to move, but he doesn’t budge. How in the world did this happen? 

“Miss, everyone on the plane left!” 

I still don’t move and remain in the same position... well, it's more that I can't move. 

“Sorry. I’m trying to leave.” 

“It doesn’t look like it,” the flight attendant snaps with a slight tone of annoyance. 

“Oh come on, they’re young, you know how it is,” the other flight attendant tries to ameliorate. 

What is she going on about? Nevermind that, I must take care of _this_! Mikasa! Why’d you fall asleep! I was watching a movie, but every moment that passed, prevented me from staying awake for another second. 

And what about Eren? I try to move, but he doesn’t budge one bit! Instead, he groans in protest. I have to wake him up, don’t I? I can’t prolong the inevitable here, can I? 

“Eren… wake up.” 

“Mmm…” 

“Wake up,” I repeat sternly. 

I feel him shifting on top of me, and I feel as his relaxed sleeping body suddenly becomes tense. He’s awake, and he’s quick to move himself away from me. Oh, this is embarrassing! 

He clears his throat and his voice sounds so groggy and deep with sleep, when he says, “Fuck… sorry.” 

I hate this. I look away from him, and quickly move to get my carry-on from the annoyed flight attendant. 

“Sorry,” I say to the flight attendant and bow down, and again I say sorry, because I remember that people don’t bow down in the U.S. 

I don’t look back, because I feel my face warm up and I just need to get the heck out of here. When I see the restroom, I rush inside and open the faucet to splash water on my face. I stare at my reflection and confirm that in fact, I am red in the face. I splash more cold water on, and scrub as if I could scrub away that silly warm feeling I’m feeling in the depths of my belly. 

Mikasa… come on. You’re too old for this! In my defense, I really did think I was dreaming! Dreaming that I was cuddling someone warm and that smelled like... _him_. Why couldn’t I tell that it was really him that I was holding on to! It was all too real, his familiar scent, the familiar feel of his presence, the safe feeling he’s only been able to provide me with. I’m such a fool because _he doesn’t love me. What in the world am I holding on to?_

Get it together, Mikasa! I’m here in N.Y.C for Armin. I admit that I'm surprised _he’s_ here too. I didn’t think he’d be here this quickly to investigate about his parents’ murder, but what if he’s here for Armin? No, no. He isn’t. 

Why am I assuming he’s here for Armin anyway? He’s probably here to find the true culprit for the murder of his parents. Armin and I are a thing of the past to him, a mere chapter in his life that he’s not going back to. I look at my reflection again, and I see her again. The Mikasa Ackerman who takes nothing from nobody. I straighten my back, take hold of my carry-on handle, and go. 

**∞**

When I make it out of the airport, I look around for Jean’s police friend, Marco. Jean said he’d help me. I convinced Jean that I wasn’t going to do anything that’d put my life in danger. I told him that I simply wanted to be the first person Armin saw after getting rescued, but he must’ve forgotten who I am, because I’m not one to sit idly by. 

Okay, Marco. Jean showed me a picture of the guy. He has black hair, freckles, and an awfully nice attitude, that’s exactly how Jean described him. I stand in the corner waiting for anyone with that description, until finally out of the blue someone that fits his picture appears. 

He’s tall, taller than Jean and Eren. Jean is taller than Eren, and Eren’s not far behind. Eren’s really gotten taller over the years. I remember we used to be the same height, but that day he stood next to me in the dumpster, I took notice of his towering height over me. Stupid, Mikasa, stop thinking about him. 

“Mikasa?” 

“Marco?” 

He smiles at me and extends his hand to shake it. 

“Hi, nice meeting you. I’m Marco, but you probably know that already.”

He laughs with this easy going laugh, which in turn makes me smile. 

“My car’s parked outside, follow me.” 

I follow him and we make small talk as we walk to his car. It's all fun and games when he says:

“Eren’s in the parking lot already.” 

I stop dead in my tracks. “Eren?” 

Marco turns to me and nods with an easy going smile, “Yeah, Jean put me in charge of you two.” 

Jean. I will be calling him later for sure. Why didn’t he tell me this? Does Eren know? This can’t possibly end well. Then again, it’s not like we’ll be together or staying at the same hotel. Right? 

“Hey, Marco, do you know what hotel I’ll be staying at? Jean mentioned that he took care of it.” 

Marco waves his hand dismissively, “You guys are staying with me.”

“What?” 

Marco’s eyes crinkle as he smiles at me. 

“Heh, Eren made the same face.”

He soon stops walking and looks around the airport, his smile slowly vanishes and becomes replaced by a grim line. 

“Listen, Mikasa… I’m a cop, you’ll be safer staying with me. This is a very delicate case, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. We’ve got bodies turning up every week, and let me tell you.. it’s not pretty. The people that took your friend Armin, they're involved with some dark, disturbing stuff. We are working hard to find out where they have him, but do understand that we can't let anyone else get hurt in the process, especially since you were also kidnapped by the same people, and well Eren's case... Jean just told me to keep him at my hip.” 

His face tells me that he’s serious about us staying at his place and something tells me that his feelings will be hurt if I refuse. 

“I understand.” 

The grim line his mouth held soon turns back into a smile. 

“I’m not a bad host either.” 

This makes me smile, because Jean’s right, Marco’s awfully nice. 

**∞**

Eren leans back against the car's hood, he’s not facing us, and instead, he's staring up at the sky as he blows a puff of smoke into the air. Hmm, I didn’t know he smoked. I don’t know how to feel about this, but he looks so serene doing it. I also can’t ignore the attention passerbyers are giving him. More than one person looks his way, but he seems unfazed by this, and he continues to smoke. I don’t like the feeling this causes within me. I shouldn’t care who looks at him. 

“We’re here, Eren!” Marco excitedly says. 

Eren’s shoulders jump a little, like he’s been caught doing something bad, and he quickly flicks the cigar to the ground, scuffing it against the asphalt. He doesn’t turn to look at me, and waits until Marco unlocks the car to get in. He enters the backseat, and Marco looks at me smiling. 

“Do you want to call shotgun?” 

I nod and enter the front seat. Marco turns the car on, and his car radio immediately begins to play ‘Unchained Melody.’ Really? Out of all the songs in the world, this plays? Memory sparks of that time in the garden with Eren and this song playing faintly in the background burn to the forefront of my mind. I have to change it, I- 

“Can you change the song, Marco,” Eren intercepts. 

Marco looks back at Eren and smiles, “Uh, yeah. What would you like to listen to?” 

“Anything else.” 

Marco shrugs his lips and nods as he presses the buttons of his radio to change the channel. 

Bittersweet memories are all that come to mind with that song. Sweet memories of watching Mrs. & Mr. Yeager dancing to this song in the living room is one for instance. I used to think that one day that would be me and Eren dancing to this song. It doesn’t help that the memory of him and I sitting on a garden while Mrs. Yeager played this, keeps replaying in my head. I unconsciously bring the tip of my fingers to my scar, but I’m quick to bring it back, and instead I dig my nails inside my palm to distract me from this situation. 

It only helps a little, so instead, I look outside the window and take in New York City. As we drive by street after crowded street, I can’t help but feel like I’m getting lost inside a concrete jungle. I get the same feeling I got when I first landed in Tokyo. All I had known was Los Angeles, where everything was spaced out by long strips of roads and strip malls. Frankly, it’s all just a mixture of suburbia, condominiums, and city in one. Los Angeles makes you wonder what there is to do, while New York tells you what to do. 

“First time?” 

I turn to Marco who’s smiling, he seems to always be smiling. 

“Yeah.” 

“Don’t worry, as long as you stick with me, you’ll be fine.” 

“Thanks.” 

“You heard that Eren?” 

“Yeah,” he answers flatly. 

“So you two are childhood friends of Jean?” 

“He was just there,” Eren deadpans. 

Marco laughs, “He said you’d say something like that.”

He stops at a red light as he speaks, “He really cares about you guys, at least that’s what I sense when we talk.”

“He’s a good guy,” Mikasa adds, “Hitch is very fortunate to have him. Both are actually lucky to have each other.” 

“Ah… Hitch. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you at the wedding then?” 

“I’m sure you will.” 

“Eren?”

Marco looks at Eren through his rearview mirror, waiting for Eren to answer. It is dead silent in the car, except for the car radio, until he finally speaks.

“Maybe.” 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” 

He continues driving until we stop in front of a building and Marco parallel parks his car at the side of the street. We step out and before I know it, Marco has my luggage, alongside Eren’s. 

“I won’t let you carry it, so don’t fight me on it,” is all he says. 

Eren huffs in annoyance and mutters something under his breath. I follow Marco into the building, but Eren lags behind. I don’t turn around to see if he’s following, but I know he’s not. 

I hold the building’s door open for Marco, and that’s when he notices that Eren’s not here anymore. 

“Where’s Eren?” 

Marco looks around for him, but he still manages to miss the corner Eren just took. He turns to me worriedly, but I just shrug. 

“Don’t worry, he always does that.”

“What does he always do?” 

“Run away.”

 _That's all he knows what to do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you, for reading! :)


	7. In This Concrete Jungle, I Am Not King

New York City. The movies sort of do it justice, sort of. I’m sitting on a swing at a random empty park. It’s late into the night, therefore, no kids are in sight. So for now, I’ll just stay here, heck I might even sleep here. My hands move on their own as they reach for my pack of cigarettes, an awful habit I picked up in that cage. I’m trying to quit, but right now, I really need the feeling of nicotine to hit me.

I bring the cigarette to my lips as I cup my hands over the lighter’s flame and light it. Even as the nicotine that brings me some sense of calm, I still feel like I’m trapped. My body’s free, my mind is not. I just had to get away from them. What’s Marco’s deal anyway? No one’s that nice! He’s clearly trying to impress Mikasa. Tsk. There I go again. Mikasa this. Mikasa that. 

I’m doing such a great job at not thinking about her, aren’t I? Shit. My dumbass really fell asleep snuggled up with her, how embarrassing! She was already asleep, but me… I knew better. She walked away so fast when I woke up, not a word uttered. In that moment, I wanted to stay in the plane and go back to where I came from. 

To top it all off that stupid song played in the car. What was up with that? _Here Eren, remember how you heard that song playing while you were about to confess to her in the garden?_ I hated that song with a childish passion every time my parents listened to it. I never understood it! ‘Come with me to the sea of love,’ I always thought that song was beyond ridiculous. It wasn’t until that day on the beach. She sat next to me, _or was it I who sat next to her?_ I forget. The point is that one of us sat next to the other.

Well, I’m seeing the sunset and the sea, and even someone like me realizes that it’s beautiful, but that day it felt a little more beautiful, because… because I saw her staring at the sunset. My chest always felt weird when she’d be around, but I just ignored that feeling. I thought it was growing pains, or something along those lines. I told Zeke once about the chest pains happening only when she’d be around, and all he did was cover his gasping mouth as he said, “Lil bro… dude.” I wanted a diagnosis, not Zeke’s little _ooh’s and ah’s._

That day at the beach, I realized why my chest felt weird. At 14… almost 15, girls were just _meh_. I was busier breaking glass windows with a baseball and bat in hand, rather than paying attention to girls. Mikasa changed that. Because the way the sunset made her raven hair shine against its light made it seem like the sun rays were giving her a spotlight just for her. Her usual pastel creamy white skin shimmered beneath the sunset’s cast, giving her a golden glow. For a second, I thought she’d start floating to the sky to join the rest of the angels. 

The entire time I stared, the lyrics to that song kept playing in my head. If she would’ve said, “Hey, Eren, come with me to the sea of love,” and she started running to the actual sea, I would’ve followed. I probably would’ve drowned, but if she were there by my side, I wouldn’t have cared. 

Her dark eyes kept staring at the sea and I always thought that she was mysterious like that. She’s never been a talker, words disappear in front of her like the dancing smoke of a fire, and sometimes I’d prefer to jump through hoops of fire, rather than figure out what she was thinking, but at the end of the day, I always wondered about what she was thinking. 

This made me pay attention to every little detail of her. Like how she takes her water, what time she wakes up, what lotion she wore… you know the little things. But then there'd be times where she’d do these crazy things for me. Like jump inside a knife fight to stop me from doing something stupid. She’d always be ready to defend me in every fight I stupidly threw myself in, and there were plenty of those. This always surprised me. At first it was annoying, not gonna lie, because this was my fight not hers. If I got hurt, it’d be on me, if she got hurt it would still be on me. I hated that. 

She was always there for me. Always. I knew this, and that’s why I had to push her away. If I wanted to keep her away from Reiner, I had to. Mom yelled at me for failing to protect Mikasa that day, and she was right, because I figured that the best way to protect Mikasa was by keeping her far... very far away from me. 

I still don’t know what pushed me to hold her hand under the sand that day. Frankly, I just wanted to feel her hand. There were changes happening inside me, outside too. There are changes happening with me still. But the only thing that was a constant no matter what was happening with me, was her. I just wanted to hold her hand. Did I need a reason to do that? 

The moment I held her hand, I felt like there was a missing piece in me that was filled. You know when you go around thinking that there’s something missing, something that makes you feel like you’re half of something? I didn’t feel that when I held her hand. I felt complete, I felt good, but then I felt scared. I was scared of the feeling churning at the pit of my stomach. What was this that threatened to burn a hole inside my chest. _Did she feel it too?_ I kept thinking how I had to say something. I wanted to ask her to drown in the sea of love with me. 

I was such a coward. I still am. 

I just sat there holding her hand, unable to tell her anything. Then it was all over, before I knew it, we were home. She smiled at me, and all I did was run into my room. I ran inside, grabbed the phone and called Zeke. Zeke answered, but I hung up. Yup, I hung up. The next day Zeke showed up and I was still holed up in my room. Zeke never knocked on my door, he’d always barge in, and that day was no different. 

“Are you sick?” 

“I don’t know.” 

He had made me look at him and I didn’t say anything, but he knew. Zeke knew. 

“It’s about Mikasa, isn’t it?” 

“Wha- no!”

“What happened?” 

“It’s not about Mikasa!” 

Zeke just looked at me with a smug face. There was no denying it, and that made me annoyed with him. 

“Motherfuc-”

“Hey, language!” 

Zeke hates when I cuss. 

“Sorry.” 

“So… what happened?” 

“I… I held her hand.” 

There are times when I really hate Zeke and that was one of those times, because this guy really hugged me for telling him that I held her hand, but I hated myself the most because I really didn’t know what to do. 

“Zeke… please, what do I do?” 

“Tell her you like her.” 

“How?” 

“Try ‘Mikasa, I like you.’ It’s easy… unless she flat out rejects you.” 

“You think she might reject me?” 

Zeke scratched his temple, lost in thought. 

“If she rejects you, that’ll be weird because she lives here.” 

“Zeke!” 

“Just do it! Tell her! I’ve seen her, I’ve seen how she acts around you.”

“You think she likes me back?” 

“You’re talking to a love expert here, Eren. Just get her on her own, give her something she likes, and tell her.” 

“Okay… okay. I’m going to do it!” 

I was pumped in that moment, like I could run out and just yell that I liked her. I was even throwing my covers out of the bed, but Zeke continued speaking.

“Just don’t do anything stupid.” 

_“When have I ever?”_

_When have I ever..._

“Hmph... when have I ever,” I whisper a scoff to the cloud of smoke in front of my face. Things went south so fast that day. I never told her how I felt. I close my eyes and hang my head back, letting the brisk air caress my face. 

Are there always cars honking in NYC? Because that’s all I hear. Honks everywhere. I take another drag of my cigarette and take out my phone to check the time. It’s almost midnight, and there are three missing calls, all from Jean. Fine, I guess I’ll call him. He picks up at the first ring, damn he's waiting for my call, isn't he? 

“Where in the hell are you?” 

I look around the park, I see no street sign to let me know where I am, so I shrug and speak more in question than answer. 

“At a park?” 

“Idiot, Marco’s looking for you!” 

“I’m just having a smoke,” I say. 

“Fine, I’ll let him know, just hurry back home.”

He murmurs to someone on his end and I hear a woman’s voice asking him to relax. This must be Hitch. I can hear Jean release a heavy sigh on his end before he addresses me again. 

“Eren… just don’t get in trouble. There are only so many strings I can pull. Marco’s there to help you, just let him help you.” 

“It doesn’t look like it,” I grumble. 

“What do you mean? Does his sexuality bother you?” Jean inquires. 

“What?” I stammer. 

“He’s gay,” he says. 

“What?” I stammer again. 

_What?_

“No, I mean, why would that bother me?” I voice. 

“Ahh, Eren, just go. Marco’s already apologized like one hundred times to me.”

“Sorry,” I say

“No, you’re not.” 

“I might be a little,” I defend. 

“Idiot, just go.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me she was coming,” I state in a low murmur. 

“Mikasa? It was last minute. She was going no matter what,” he objects. 

“You could’ve given me a heads up,” I mutter. 

“You don’t answer your calls, and apparently you don’t read your texts.”

“Pffft.” 

_My texts?_ I look down at my phone and look at the text notifications from Jean I've ignored. _Oh._

“Well, why didn’t you tell me that I’d be staying at his home!” I retort. 

“Marco’s the one that insisted on having you in his home, go complain to him,” Jean bites back. 

None of us say anything for a moment, but then Jean speaks, he’s hesitant. 

“Hey… Eren, are you really upset about seeing her again.” 

_No_. 

“Bye, Jean.”

“Fine, bye… answer your calls,” he echoes. 

He hangs up, and I am left alone with my thoughts in this empty park. So… Marco’s is just this really nice guy how Jean says, huh? I flick the cigarette on the asphalt and scuff it with my shoe. I groan as I lean my head back. I just keep thinking about how I’m going to make it being in the same roof as her. _At least I shaved._

I stand up to make my way back to Marco’s place, but then I see a kid sitting glumly at the edge of the slide. There’s only a dim street lamp lighting the park, but the kid seems familiar. I’ve seen him somewhere, but where? 

I stare at the kid, and he seems to sense that I’m staring, because he looks up and he looks frightened. When I see the entirety of his face my face becomes one of surprise because I've seen this kid before!

“Falco Grice,” I mutter in disbelief. 

He looks away from me, and stands up to walk away, but I move fast and call after him. 

“Falco!” 

He freezes in place at the sound of his name, and turns to me. I reach him and he gawks at me. 

“H-how do you know my name?” 

“You are Falco?” 

“Y-yeah.” 

Should I tell this kid who I am? No. I can use this kid to get me close to Reiner. 

“How do you know my name?” he asks again.

Shit. Come on, Eren, give the kid an answer. 

“My... brother goes to school with you.” 

“Really? What’s his name.” 

“Zeke.” 

The kid frowns and shakes his head. 

“I don’t remember him.”

“We just moved.” 

Falco nods and shrugs his lips. 

“We do have a new student, maybe that’s him.” 

He stands there for a bit and sits back down on the double slide. He hangs his head low and stares at the ground. Damn, what’s wrong with this kid, hanging out alone in the park. _Oh.._. I see now. I should be going back to Marco’s place, but maybe I should keep this kid company. Before I know it I’m sitting down on the other slide. My legs are so long that they poke weirdly in front of me. Also, were slides always this hard?

“Uh, everything okay?” 

Falco remains silent for a minute, before he finally talks. 

“Why do people always run away from what’s good for them?” 

“Huh? What do you mean?” 

_What the hell is this kid going on about?_

The kid- Falco, blushes. He shakes his head and continues to look down at the ground. 

“Why do people run towards danger on purpose?

  
“Huh? Who is this about?” 

Falco looks down and he begins to get red. Ah... okay, now I understand. 

“Is this about a girl?” I flat out ask. 

The kid looks away from me, and that pretty much confirms my suspicion. 

“I was just with her, but she kicked me out and told me to leave… all I wanted was to be by her side.” 

“Maybe she just wanted to be alone.” 

“She always does that when her cousin shows up.”

_Her cousin?_

“Why her cousin?” 

He looks away when I say cousin, he even looks a little mad at the mention of this person. _What if this is Reiner’s cousin?_

“You don’t like him?” I press. 

“He’s not the... safest to be around with. I… I just don’t trust him.” 

He stares at me with these frustrated eyes, and he balls his fist to his side.

“Is this cousin doing something bad?” 

His face falls into one of shock, and again he looks away. He doesn’t speak, but I press on. 

“If he’s doing something that’s bad, why don’t you tell someone.” 

“It’s not that easy. I’m just a kid.” 

“If you don’t say anything, then your friend’s cousin will continue doing whatever he's doing.”

Falco stands up and shoves his hands into his pocket and gives me his back.

“You don’t get it. No one does.” 

“Falco…” 

“I have to go home, it’s getting late.” 

“Falco?” 

He readies to leave, but then he stops to look back at me.

  
“What is your name by the way?” 

Shit. I can’t give him my name, he knows about me. He might go and tell Reiner’s cousin, I can’t risk it. The kid looks at me curiously, waiting for me to answer, but then he turns back around and waves his hand dismissively. 

“Whatever.” 

And just like that he walks away and I am left alone in the park. I need to get close to this kid, he knows more than he lets on, and I must get to the bottom of this entire situation. 

I can feel the brisk wind slap me on the face. I am lucky that my hoodie is thick and warm, but I still don't want to stay out here. I guess I should be heading back to Marco’s place. I look back and there are so many streets, I’m not sure that I can remember where it is that I came from. I’ll try my luck, just how I always have. I should look for something familiar to guide my way. I sigh longingly as I wonder if she’s sleeping already… or what if she’s waiting until I get home. Pfft. Nahhh. 

_**∞** _

I sit by the window people-watching. There always seems to be people walking in this city no matter the hour. Marco wanted me to go with him to look for Eren, but I told him no. It’s close to midnight and Marco gave up on the idea and is now waiting for Eren in the living room. 

Who knows where Eren is? I keep telling myself that I don’t care, but I keep rubbing my fingers together and keep hoping that he’s not out there lost in the city. I continue to look out the window… people watching. Yeah, _people watching._

It’s not until I see a familiar figure that I notice my shoulders relaxing. It’s him. His hands are shoved into the depths of his jean's pocket and he stops for a moment, making sure that he’s in the correct location. He gets close to Marco’s car, and brings a soft fist of triumph to the air as he looks at the building behind him. He’s proud of himself for finding the correct location. I don’t realize that the tiniest of smiles has crept up on my face and I am quick to scrub it out of my face. 

Seconds later, I hear a buzz followed by Marco’s muffled words. I hurry to turn off the lights in my room and crawl into my bed. After a few minutes, I hear Eren talking to Marco in the living room. I can’t really hear what he’s saying, but the familiar timber of his voice brings me comfort. I shut my eyes and cover my head with the duvet as I try to stop myself from trying to distinguish his voice from Marco’s. I must find sleep! I must sleep and not think of him. Sleep. I must not think about him!

I pull the blankets down in a deep longing sigh, because I feel that the Eren that’s in the living room is not my Eren. He’s just a memory that has stopped existing. The Eren that’s outside, smokes and hasn’t had a haircut in a while, his voice is deep and rugged; he's there, but he’s not there. Who is that Eren in the living room? What does he think of me? Does he even think of me? 

“Uhhh…” 

I roll the pillow over my face and groan as I remember about all those silly letters I wrote him. Such a school girl thing to do, but there is no going back. I resort to staring at the ceiling, and before long I’m fast asleep. 

**∞**

I wake up with a sudden blink. It doesn’t feel like I slept at all, and there’s a subtle throb in my head that won’t let up. I should go for a run before I start my day. Marco’s spending the day trying to collect leads and clues to Armin’s whereabouts, in order to plan a rescue mission. Maybe that’s why I’ve got this headache. I’m trying not to think about it, but I am more worried than I am letting on. He must be scared, but knowing Armin, he’s not just sitting there doing nothing. 

In the toughest of moments, he always pulls through with some convoluted plan. I trust him in doing this again. Still, I can’t help but feel a little scared about how this might end. I should really go for a run then. It’s the only thing that will get my head out of whatever muddled mess I’m in. I throw the blanket away from my body and rummage through my luggage until I find my exercise clothes. It’s just a black sports bra and some knee length leggings. The sun seems to be out, so it shouldn’t be that cold out there. 

Everything’s quiet, it looks like everyone’s asleep, and so I tiptoe quietly towards the door. When I make it to the living room, I glance to the couch and it’s empty. Marco only has one guest room, and I am using it. Marco said that Eren will be sleeping on the couch, but he’s not there. I look to the kitchen, but there’s no movement or sign that there’s someone there. I wonder where he's gone to. 

Once I’m out in the open, I take a deep breath in. I’m actually looking forward to this run, I always do. Exercising has become a way of life for me to destress and be active and I’m soon going to become a martial arts teacher, so it’s literally my job to maintain my body in tip top shape. I already stretched, so I just begin to run, I’ll just do a straight line until I tire and come back, so I don’t get lost by taking a different route. 

Ah, this is great! I’ve got music playing in my ears and my muscles gleefully contract and expand with every step I take. It’s not long until I am lost in the moment, as I feel the air run through my short locks. I reach a bakery and I stop, with my hands on my knees. The endorphins inside me are doing a fine job as I find myself smiling. I really hope that no one is watching because there’s no doubt that they are thinking that I’m crazy seeing how I’m smiling to myself over a run. 

I hear an unwelcome drawn out, “Damn,” coming from some random guy that passes by me and I roll my eyes. I look down at my chest and I’m basically giving people a free show. I quickly stand straight, embarrassed for not realizing that I was showing so much of myself and pull up my sports bra to cover more of my cleavage. I was fine until that person made me feel like a piece of meat. 

I try to not think about it, besides I’m feeling a bit tired, so I should make my way back to Marco’s home. I turn to jog back towards my route, and I pass this alleyway when I suddenly hear a scream. On instinct I stop, and head towards the sound. Any other person will turn away and head back to safety, but not me. The scream sounds like someone is in trouble and before I know it I reach the source of it.

What I see doesn’t look right. There’s a young pre-teen girl being yanked by the arm by this older leather jacket guy. Is he trying to kidnap her? 

“Leave that girl alone!” I shout. 

The guy turns around and scoffs. 

“Get the fuck out of here, this ain’t your business!” 

The frightened girl stares at me, pleading to not leave her alone. I stare at her in determination, hoping my stare is enough to let her know that she’s not alone. 

“If you don’t let her go, it becomes my problem,” I snap.

For someone as quiet as me, I can sure throw threats easily and wrathfully calm. The guy seems to understand that I mean business. He walks up to me and he pulls the girl alongside. 

"We'll see about that!" the guy threatens. 

I quickly take in my surroundings and notice that there’s a couple of metal garbage cans on the side. Interesting. This guy thinks he’s tough, doesn’t he? Let’s see how tough he is then. He throws his hand to grab me by my hair, but I easily dodge such a slow movement. I then use my palm to hit the jerk square on his nose. I don’t even cringe when I hear his nose crack under my hand. He lets go of the girl and brings both of his hands to clutch his nose. He stares at me angrily. 

“You bitch!” 

I smirk and this seems to further inflame his dislike towards me as he charges foolishly at me. He tries to throw a punch at me, but I wrap my arms on his forearm and bicep and swing him over me. He falls on his back with a resounding crack and he groans in pain. Yeah, he’s not getting up any time soon. I look at the girl and she just stands against the faded brick wall staring at me like she’s seen a mythological creature. 

“Are you okay?” 

She nods.

“H-he was trying to take m-me by force,” the poor girl suddenly sobs. 

She suddenly looks behind me with wide eyes, and I am able to hear the rapid scuffing of shoes against the pavement. Before I could think I grab the metal lid of the trash can, turn around, and slam the flat lid down on this person’s head with all my might. This is a big mistake, because I've just slammed Eren on the head with a metal trash can. 

“Oh no! Eren?” 

I clasp both of my hands over my mouth as Eren falls down to the ground with a thump. 

“Eren!” 

How hard did I hit him? He’s just sitting there with his eyes half lidded. I run my hand over the crown of his head and there’s a sizable bump forming. This better not be a concussion. What the hell is he doing here anyway? I look on the ground and there’s a box from the bakery I stood in front of splattered on the pavement. Only this will happen to me, right? 

“Eren, look at me!” 

I hold his chin and make him look at me, and he smiles. Crap! He’s delirious. 

I take my phone out and call Marco. The girl stands there looking at me bewildered by the entire situation. I look at her and smile. 

“Don’t worry, someone will be here to help us soon. Trust me, there’s always someone out there willing to help those in need," as I say this, I look at Eren and remember how he saved all those years ago. He taught me this, to never give up, especially when there is someone who needs saving.

"Eren, open your eyes," I whisper to him. 

He lightly flits his eyes open and just smiles again. Marco please hurry. 

**∞**

Marco arrives as quickly as he can, and in this city, quick isn’t quick enough. We actually entered the bakery and I am now sitting with a semiconscious Eren against my shoulder. I have a towel filled with ice resting on his crown and I keep talking to him. 

“Eren, stay with me okay.” 

“M’kay,” he slurs. 

The attempted kidnapper is tied on the seat in front of me and the poor girl sits with the owner of the bakery. I told the bakery owner the story, and she was more than willing to help me tie the guy. 

Finally, Marco shows up. His face is one of utter surprise. This is probably the last thing he was expecting. 

“Mikasa! I thought you were joking, but you're not the joking type, are you?” 

I shake my head. 

He uses his walkie to call in his partner, who quickly takes the kidnapper. Marco stares at the girl behind the counter and waves her over. 

“You’re coming with me, okay?”

The girl looks frightened and she stares at me. I give her a small smile and nod her over.

“He’ll help you, don’t be scared.” 

After hearing this the girl approaches Marco. Marco then looks at Eren. 

“Did the other guy do this to him?” 

“N-no, I did…” I stammer. 

Marco’s mouth falls open and he shakes his head. 

“Explain later, let’s take him to the emergency room.” 

I nod and I try to make Eren walk, but he’s slouching against me and I move his arm to wrap around my shoulder. Marco takes his other arm and we both carry him to the police car. I sit in the backseat and try to make Eren comfortable, but he continues to lean himself against me.

“Eren. Come on, stay awake. Okay?” I urge. 

“Hmm-mmm,” he slurs. 

As Marco drives to the emergency room, he gives a sharp turn at the corner of the street, and Eren’s face falls into my chest. _Oh, come on, really!?_

“Mmmm,” he moans. 

I don’t need a mirror to know that my face is the same color as the stop sign in the corner of the street. 

“What’s going on back there?” Marco asks. 

“Are we close to the hospital?” 

“Five minutes.” 

“Please, hurry,” I beg. 

I manage to move Eren’s face to my shoulder and I force him to stare at me. He slowly opens his eyes and gazes into me with those emerald eyes of his and he gives me this small grin and says:

“Hey, Mikasa…” 

“Hey,” I say. 

“Mikasa… Mikasa… Mmm,” mumbles.

He closes his eyes as Marco drives straight to the emergency room entrance. 

“Eren! We’re here. Wake up!” I implore. 

The girl I saved hurries and opens the door for us, and Marco is quick to help me pull Eren out. Eren seems to open his eyes and he turns to me again… and he grins. _Really, how hard did I hit him?_

A nurse comes out with a wheelchair and takes him, but not before they ask if anyone is accompanying him. 

Marco looks at me. 

“You go with him, I’ll sign him in and fill out the paperwork.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I’ll call you for the questions I don’t know!”

“Thanks, Marco!” I exclaim and quickly follow the nurse inside. 

**∞**

After a couple of hours in the emergency room, we make it back home. Eren will be fine, he just needs rest. He had the beginning of a concussion that just left him disoriented and unbalanced. They assured me that it was nothing to fret over, but still. 

They gave us the option of admitting him to the hospital for 24 hours, unless we preferred to take him home with the condition that someone will look after him for those 24 hours. I immediately offered to care for him, since it is my fault that he’s like this. I have his painkillers in hand, in case he gets headaches, and I asked Marco to lay him in the guest room, so he can be more comfortable in the bed, rather than the couch. Marco has left to the police station with the girl, whose name is actually Kaya, so she can press charges on the man who tried to kidnap her. So, it’s just me and a dazed Eren in Marco’s apartment at the moment. 

I walk around the room collecting fresh clothes, because I am still sticky with sweat, and all I want to do is take a quick shower, so I can come take care of him. I walk around the room gathering my stuff and open the window so the room can get some light inside, because someone with a concussion shouldn’t be left in the dark. 

I turn to look at him and he looks so peaceful sleeping. He actually looks... pretty, like one of those paintings of mythological gods sleeping peacefully as forest nymphs surround them catering to their every need. Next thing I know I’m at his bedside, pushing his hair away from his face, as some strands have escaped his disheveled bun. I stare at his clean shaven face and take in the parts of his face that have changed. 

His jaw looks sharper, and he doesn’t have his baby face anymore. His eyebrows are still thick and full, and his eyelashes as long as ever. He looks a tad gaunt from his face tho, like he hasn’t been eating properly, and this somehow makes me sad. I wonder how well he has been taking care of himself, if at all. His shoulders look broad, and he looks like he’s been working out, but still, I doubt he’s been eating well. 

I unconsciously put my hand to his forehead and the warmth that flourishes from the depth of my stomach can’t be ignored. I gulp and tear my hand away, I must shower. I walk away from him and stand at the door, but not before giving him a quick glance because I care about him, I always will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've seen your comments and I really appreciate them! Thanks for reading and being patient, because I admit it's a bit slow right now. It'll pick up, I promise!


	8. Carry On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for being patient, here's this week's over due chapter!

“Argh…” 

What’s this pounding on my head? My eyes strain against the setting sunlight. Wait? Sunset? It’s supposed to be morning, why is the sun setting? 

I bolt up from the… bed!? I quickly look around in confusion at the room I am in. _Why am I on a bed?_ No, wait-I remember something… it had to do with… _Mikasa?_

There’s that ache on the top of my head, again. I run my hand over my head, and I feel this nasty bump. 

“Argh!” 

It hurts and I can’t remember how it happened. Last thing I remember… _what was it?_ I woke up early because I couldn’t sleep. When I got back from the park, I apologized to Marco for making him wait for me. He didn’t take it to heart, but he said I could make it up to him by picking up some bread rolls from his favorite bakery. 

I told him that I didn’t mind doing that for him. He gave me the address and since I had nothing to do in the morning, I went. It was a nice walk and I was surprised about seeing so many people out and about at an early hour. 

The bakery was a typical mom and pop shop. The smell of fresh bread reached me half a block away from where I was. This is how I knew I was reaching the right location. There was a kind old lady selling the bread and she had run out of her recent batch, so she made me wait for her next batch. I just sat on one the tables that she had set next to the window and I waited. In the time that I was waiting Floch called. 

He asked me if I had any leads on Armin’s whereabouts, which I didn’t. So there wasn’t much I could tell him. He then spoke about “business” which to tell you the truth, I don’t care much for it. Like I said, I just use it as a way to get to Reiner. If I didn’t have those men backing me up that day, Mikasa, Armin, and Sasha might be dead. 

Zeke left an easy managing system. He only ran into problems when he accidentally ran into Levi’s turf. Levi was a notorious meth dealer in the underworld. He’s famous for doing everything in a calculated, subtle manner, which has allowed him to run unperceived by authorities. 

The only reason Zeke knew about Levi was because Levi made himself known to him. I think he snuck into Zeke’s house in the middle of the night and woke him up with a painful slap. I remember seeing the bruise that was left on his cheek the day after. 

I still don’t know what it is about Zeke and Levi, but they know how to push each other’s buttons perfectly. Thinking of Zeke, I should probably call him. Last time I saw him was while I was still in prison and I wonder if he found out about my little altercation with Reiner already. 

I took out my phone and I was calling his phone number, as I glanced out the shop window. There were many pedestrians going to and fro to wherever it was they were heading to. I listened to the mind numbing dial tone against my ear waiting for Zeke to pick up, but then I became startled at the sight in front of me. My phone almost slipped out of my hand when I saw _Mikasa._

Zeke answered on the other line and he knew it was me, like always. 

“Hello? Eren?” 

“Umm.” 

“Eren?”

“I’ll call you later.” 

“You called m-”

I hung up and I remember staring at her from inside the bakery. She stopped right in front of me. I think she was running, because she wore exercise clothes and she was glistening in sweat. 

I just gawked at her. I don’t think she had any idea that I was watching. I just couldn’t help staring at her. The clothes she wore fit her like a second skin and my eyes, no matter how much I fought it, raked over every curve and dip of her body. All these years I thought about how she looked, if she had changed, and of course… _if she thought about me._ The bakery had suddenly gotten hotter as I stared at her, and it felt so wrong doing this without her knowledge. In another world, I’d love to hold her body against mine and tell her how beautiful she is to her face. 

_Why can’t life be easy?_ My hands are itching just watching her, what I’d give to run my hands over every curve of her body and dip my fingers into- _ah_ , I had to stop myself from thinking further, because the heat was rising inside that bakery, and more than the bread was threatening to rise. 

Sadly, I wasn’t the only one watching, as this idiot ate her up with his eyes as he walked by her. I didn’t hear what he said, but he must’ve said something that caused her to become embarrassed because she quickly moved to cover her chest. 

This quickly made me very upset because I was ready to stand up and go tell the fool off, but that’s when the shop owner interrupted me with my box of bread. I thanked her, and by the time I looked out the window, she was gone. 

I can’t remember what happened after that and I am certain the reason is the large bump on my head. I move the covers away from me and take in my surroundings. I take notice of the suitcase in the corner of the room and recognize it as Mikasa’s suitcase. 

What is her suitcase doing here? I continue to look at the room and my best guess is that this is Marco’s guest room. The one Mikasa is currently using. I sit at the edge of the bed trying to rationalize my thoughts, when the door softly swings open. Her back is to me as she walks backwards, only for her to turn around a few seconds later to reveal a tray of food at the edge of her fingertips. 

She stares at me for a fleeting moment, but quickly looks down at the tray. I guess I’m staring too, because I also have to tear my gaze away. She clears her throat and places the tray on the nightstand, setting it down swiftly. She brings her lips together and her hands to her back pockets, and once again clears her throat. 

“You should eat.” 

I don’t know what to say. There’s a brief thought that passes through me that perhaps I have awoken on a different dimension where we live together. Nah, that can’t be. What’s going on then? I am so confused and I’m sure she can tell, because she motions to her head and asks:

“Does your head hurt?” 

I mirror her movement and touch my head. 

“My head?” 

She gives one quick nod. I wince when my fingertips press on the bump. 

“What happened?”

She doesn’t look at me at all, preferring to look at the food on the tray. 

“I hit you with a trash can lid.” 

“What?” 

_She hit me? What did I do?_

She slowly backs away from the nightstand and heads to the door. 

“Marco will explain it to you, he’s almost home,” she stares at the tray of food the entire time and repeats, “You should eat.” 

She doesn’t wait for my response and steps halfway out the door. She looks back for a moment, like she’s about to say something, but she decides not to, and leaves. 

I walk towards the nightstand and take a look at the tray of food. There’s a bowl of steaming lentil soup, a bowl of mixed fruit, there’s a plate of seasoned grilled chicken with sticky white rice. There’s also a... protein shake? I bring the drink to my nose and yes, it is a protein shake. There’s also a kale salad and at the very corner of the tray, there’s a mini size chocolate bar. 

_Did she do this for me?_

I rub my face with both of my hands and groan as I fall back to the bed. Why is she doing this for me after _I_ did something which made her hit me on my head, _hard._ Nevertheless, the grumble in my stomach doesn’t let me ponder too much about this. 

I sit up and look at the food, it smells delicious and knowing that she made it for me makes all the more desirable. I don’t even know where to start! I take a hold of the spoon and fork in the same hand and take a little bit of everything at the same time. When was the last time I ate a homemade meal? I can’t even remember, it’s been too long that’s for sure. When I take a spoonful of the rice, my mind runs back to the memory of her teaching my mom how to cook white rice. I thought it was ironic because mom was already a great cook, so Mikasa teaching her something was entertaining for me. 

I hum with every bite I take of the food and before I know it, everything is gone. I feel a little embarrassed because the dishes look clean. I then look around at the empty room and take a hold of the tray to take it to the kitchen to wash. 

There’s no one in the kitchen, and I quickly get to work. Once I’m finished cleaning, I look around the kitchen and my eyes are instantly drawn to the counter top where a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies rest. My mouth immediately waters at the smell and sight of the crispy, sweet looking desert. Shit. I want one. 

I look around and there’s no one here, she won’t notice if one is missing, right? It’s not like she counted how many cookies she made. I look both ways before my hand can get a hold of the cookie and the coast is clear, however just as I’m about to reach it, she appears. 

She doesn’t expect me here, so she startles at the sight of me. Her eyes widen and her mouth falls ajar slightly, she looks down at my hand, and I slowly back it away from the cookies. 

We stare at each other awkwardly, and it’s until Marco enters the door that the tension between us breaks. 

“Eren! You’re awake!” he beams. 

I nod at him with a lazy smile and follow him to the living room where he stretches and yawns. 

“Long day.” 

I haven’t really taken the time to look at Marco’s place. His apartment is clean and welcoming to say the least. Nothing’s out of place. There are picture frames of Marco decorating the walls, from his childhood to his high school years. There’s one with who I assume are his parents on the day he graduated from the police academy. 

I then look to the window and it’s become splattered with rainwater. From here, I can see how each drop races down the window to their own accord just to mingle with the others at the end of the window sill. 

“It’s raining,” I muse. 

Marco looks at the window and rubs his face in exhaustion. 

“Is it really always sunny in Southern California?” 

“We have rain sometimes.” 

“Sometimes,” Marco chuckles. 

He points to his head and smiles. 

“How’s your head?” 

I look back to the kitchen and she’s not there. _Where did she go?_ I take this opportunity to lean into Marco and whisper:

“What did I do to her?” 

Marco frowns and looks towards the kitchen. He seems to understand that I want to keep the conversation on the downlow.

“She saved a girl from a kidnapping and when you showed up, she was so amped up that she didn’t know it was your head she was swinging a metal trash can lid to.” 

“She saved a girl from a kidnapper?” 

Marco nods excitedly. 

“The guy has a sprained back, I think a broken nose, too!” 

“That’s not surprising.” 

Marco’s eyebrows are quick to shoot up in surprise. 

“Really?” 

My face scrunches up as I get ready to brag about her. 

“She probably did that thing where she flips people over her and slams them to the ground! Man, she does that so easily!” 

Marco’s eyes widen even more and he gawks at me incredulously as I move my hands trying to imitate the move I think Mikasa made. 

“Really?” 

I can go on and on about her amazingness, but that voice in my head tells me to reign in my wild horse. I close my mouth and my tone of voice takes a turn as I give one quick nod and calm myself down. 

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you-you should ask her.” 

I rub the back of my neck and groan at the slight pain I feel. Marco looks at me with a concerned frown and pats my back. 

“Hey, man go rest. Go back to bed, you need the rest.” 

I try to laugh it off, but he’s right, I do need to rest. 

“You’re right.” 

I turn to walk back to the room, but then I remember that I’m sleeping where Mikasa’s supposed to sleep. 

“Marco, what about Mikasa? Where will she sleep?”

“Oh, don’t worry, she’s sleeping in my room.” 

“I can sleep in the living room, I don’t mind.” 

“I insisted for Mikasa to sleep in my room, she was more than willing to sleep in the living room, don’t worry, Eren. Now, go rest.” 

“Ah... okay, I will.” 

And so, I head to the room. When I enter inside, I see that her suitcase is out, and mine’s been moved in here. I sit on the bed and feel the bounciness of the bed beneath me. A bed big enough to fit two people, huh? 

Yet, no matter how hard I try to forget that damp, cold jail cell, I just can’t. I was all alone and simply miserable. Right now when I woke up, I was comfortable for the first time in forever. After I ate her food, it was the feeling of being taken care of that made feel like I was important to someone... I felt like I was at… home. 

I move to lie down in bed, and I feel something crackle beneath me, and when I sit up to see what it is, my heart almost catches at my throat, because there’s a ziploc bag filled with chocolate chip cookies. I hold the plastic bag in my hand and just watch it in amazement. She feels bad for hitting me, that’s the only reason she’s doing this for me, there’s no other reason she’d be this kind to me. Still, she’s the one giving me this sweet treat and I can’t help, but feel like a child as I open them up and take a large whiff of them. They smell really good. 

**∞**

I left him a bag of chocolate chip cookies on his unmade bed, I did bake them for him, didn’t I? 

I walk to the large window and stand in front of it, taking in the nice view that Marco’s room has. Maybe I should read a book, instead of thinking, but there’s no time for that as there’s a knock at my door. 

“It’s Marco.” 

“Come in.” 

Marco timidly enters his own room, and it feels silly that he has to ask permission to enter it. 

“I have my reading glasses here, let me just get them.” 

I watch as he scurries to his night stand and grab a hold of his glasses’ case. I’ve been thinking about the girl I saved, and this is probably the only time I have to ask him about her. 

“Hey, Marco, the girl, Kaya… how is she?” 

Marco stands by the open door and glances to the hallway and closes the door behind him. He looks a little excited as he approaches me and beams, “About that… you might’ve helped our case by giving us a huge lead.” 

“What?” 

“The girl you saved was being taken to be trafficked, and you saved her. Not only that, but the guy you caught is one of Reiner’s men.” 

“Oh my goodness!” I gasp. 

Marco runs a hand through his head and gives an open mouthed smile, “I wanted to tell you as soon as I came in, but Eren was there. The doctor did say that he must remain calm, and Jean mentioned something about Eren’s temperament.” 

I sigh, knowing well what he’s talking about. 

“You did the right thing.” 

“Good,” Marco sighs, “I’ll let you rest then, it’s been a long day.” 

“Hey, Marco, is it okay if I go visit Kaya tomorrow?” 

Marco thinks it over for a while and then he nods as he shrugs his lips, “I don’t see a problem with that, she’s been asking about you.” 

I feel happy over this notion and we both agree to go together to see Kaya. For now, it’s time for me to rest. Eren seems fine, and I don’t think it is prudent for me to check on him. I ask Marco to do that for me instead, and of course he does. Tomorrow is a new day and we are one step closer to finding Armin’s whereabouts, and who knows, we might be closer to destroying Reiner’s evil web. 

Since I heard that Eren has a chance of clearing his name, I can’t help but think about the possibilities. _What will he do? Where will he go? Is there a chance that maybe… just maybe… things can go back to how they were?_

**∞**

I dream at night. It’s the same recurring dream I’ve had for the last four years. It’s always about me sitting under the bonsai tree in my backyard. The ancient tree that’s been growing in my family for the last few generations, I always sit under it and I’m always waiting. I let the seasons pass, while I remain under the tree. 

In my dream, I ask myself what it is that I’m waiting for. What, or maybe who, am I waiting for? It doesn’t matter because the one I’m waiting for is always too far, even if at one point he stood next to me, he's still far away from me. 

**∞**

I wake up early in the morning and get dressed. Marco is already waiting for me in the living room, and he notices that I glance at Eren’s room for a little too long.

“He’s sleeping,” Marco informs. 

I don’t answer and ignore that he took notice of me looking at Eren’s door. Marco turns to the door and opens it for me and we head out. 

**∞**

We arrive at this child center for cases like Kaya’s, and we’re immediately allowed inside. We are taken to this room, where we hear this cheerful enthusiastic voice coming through the door. When we enter, there’s this person, dressed in a suit and they immediately turn to us. 

“Hello!” they exclaim, and then they turn to Kaya, who sits on a chair smiling at me. 

“Hi,” I answer. 

“Officer Bot! Detective Hange, reporting for duty.” the person says. 

They then look at me and extend their hand to me as they enthusiastically shake it. 

“Hello, I’m Mikasa.”

“Ahh, you’re the Mikasa little Kaya here can’t stop talking about! Argh, you’ve got to show me those moves!” 

“Oh,” I shyly say. I haven’t had a stranger gush so enthusiastically about me before, so I don’t know how to feel about it. Detective Hange doesn’t stop, they come really close to me and get on their tippy toes as they continue to speak about me, “You broke the guy’s nose and you sprained his back! Wow! Do you want to join me and Moblit at our unit! We can always-” 

“I live in Japan,” I interject, before they keep going. 

“That’s a shame,” they say genuinely saddened. 

“Mikasa here’s training to be a martial arts instructor in Tokyo,” Marco adds. 

“That explains a lot. At least you’ll be training people to defend themselves,” Detective Hange says. 

Marco waves hello to Kaya and Detective Hange grabs a chair for him and I. 

“Sit, sit, Kaya here was just telling us something very important. I think we should all hear.” 

Kaya seems a little overwhelmed with all the adults staring at her, and I reach for her hand and smile, “It’s okay, we’re here to help you.” 

Kaya relaxes and looks at all three of us as she fiddles with her fingers over the table, “Okay… umm, I was telling the detective about this girl.” 

Detective Hange nods and urges to keep going and Kaya clasps her hands together as she continues, “She told me her name was Mia, but it turned out she lied, I think her name’s Gabi, at least that’s what I heard someone call her.” 

“What did this Gabi girl do?” Marco inquired. 

“S-she was sort of friendly at first, she told me she wanted to hang out, and we agreed to meet at this bakery, but she never showed up, instead this guy showed up. If it wasn’t because of Miss Mikasa, I don’t know where I would’ve been!” Kaya begins to sob. 

I squeeze her hand and tell her that it’s okay, even if it’s not. I begin to wonder where her parents are and if they know where she is. I really hope they’ve been contacted. 

It is quiet in the room, Marco speaks softly, but he’s serious about this case and he wants to get to the bottom of it. 

“Kaya, where did you meet Gabi?” 

Kaya looks at Marco, then at me. 

“At the park, she was walking around and she just randomly struck a conversation with me. She’d ask me to see her the next day and the next. She had a cell phone, and I thought that was really cool because I’m not allowed to have a phone yet. This one time she got a phone call and she looked a bit scared, because she just left and she even forgot her sweater! I followed her, trying to catch up to her, but she was too fast. I thought she was going to take the metro, but this car picked her up and I obviously couldn’t catch up anymore.” 

Detective Hange and Marco stared at each other in consternation, but they both still managed to smile at Kaya like nothing was happening. 

**∞**

It turns out that Kaya’s mom was informed of their daughter’s whereabouts and she was quickly reunited with her.

For now, Marco and the detective gathered the evidence, and shared the leads they had, and I stood quietly as they did this. They spoke of keeping detectives and undercover cops throughout the parks surrounding the area Kaya met Gabi. 

Why would a girl help someone else kidnap a girl? What kind of person can live like this? I then remember the kid Jean spoke of… Falco, yes that was his name!

“Hey, Marco? This kid Falco… is Gabi the person he wants to protect? Is this Reiner’s cousin?” 

Marco drops his pen, he looks at me and blinks several times, “Mikasa… I never thought about this. The kid is very secretive, he gives enough information without giving away much.” 

“Where does this kid normally hang out?” Detective Hange asks, understanding where I am trying to get to. 

“That’s funny actually!” Marco exclaims, “He hangs out in a park near my building. Moppy kid, that one.” 

"A park near your building, huh?" 

“Yes,” he repeats. 

Detective Hange walks around me to get to Marco and puts their hand under their chin inquisitively, “Hmm, what do you think will get this kid to talk?” 

Marco shrugs, “I’ve tried everything. He doesn’t really trust me, but who can blame him.” 

Marco laughs as he says this, and I can’t help but think how this is an important piece of information. 

“What if I try to get close to him?” I say. 

Marco looks at me, and it looks like he’s thinking, he rubs his chin and says, “Mikasa… I think you’d be perfect! The kid doesn’t trust anyone from the police, this is what makes it hard to have information from him. Once he found out I was with the department, he stopped speaking to me.” 

“Where exactly is the park?” I ask again. 

Both Hange and Marco stare at each other and give each other a look that says that maybe this could work. 

**∞**

I follow the directions to the park Marco gave me. The park is small and there are a couple of kids playing, but none of the kids look like Falco and I remember perfectly how he looked in the picture. 

Therefore, I sit on a bench and quietly watch as the kids play and see how their doting mothers watch over their little ones. It’s such a nice sight, and it reminds me of the times my mother would watch over me on the bench. Later on this became Mrs. Yeager, who’d watch over Eren and I. And much later on, it was just him and I going on our own, or with Armin to the park. 

The last time we went to the park together was the day of the accident with Armin and Bertholdt. I don’t even want to remember that day. Because of that day we are here today, with Eren’s parents dead, me leaving for Japan, and Eren behind bars. Reiner for sure remembers that day. Bertholdt was everything for him, and I can understand his anger and frustration, still, I don’t know why that pushed him to do that to Eren and his parents. 

As I sit on the bench, a young girl sits on the other end. I don’t really pay her much attention, but when she pulls out a phone, I can’t help but think about what Kaya said about the Gabi girl having a phone, because this girl too has a phone. I pretend I am not looking at her, but there’s something about her that doesn’t sit right. I perk up when she suddenly yells out someone’s name and waves them over. 

“Falco! Over here!” the girl yells in this very commanding vivacious tone and I am instantly reminded of Eren as a kid. It’s the exact same way he’d go about his life: yelling energetically, hyping people up, and just being the light of whatever event was happening, no matter how big or small. 

This must be Gabi, then, and the boy making his way over to her is Falco. Yes, he looks just like the picture Jean showed us. The boy is the complete opposite of the girl. While the girl is a wildfire, the boy is the calm blue of a single flame. 

He smiles at Gabi and sits next to her, which is not far from me to begin with. I take my phone out and pretend to be busy with it, but I am listening to everything they say. 

“Hey, Gabi,” Falco says. 

“Hey.” 

“You didn’t go to school again. I brought your work,” the boy says as he gives her a bag, and the girl hastily takes it. 

“Thanks,” the girl says curtly. 

“Gabi?” 

“What?” 

“Uh… do you want to get some ice-cream? I asked my mom for money and she gave me enough for both of us.” 

“I don’t know, I have stuff to do, why don’t you go by yourself?” 

“What kind of stuff do you have to do that’s more important than ice-cream?” 

“I have a responsibility, okay!” 

Gabi snaps and they both fall into silence. I can feel the boy’s gaze on me, and I am quick to pretend to make a phone call. He looks away from me. 

“Don’t tell me you're still doing what your cousin tells you?! Gabi? Just go to the police, I’ll go with you, okay? My mom will let you stay with us, and we can-” 

“Can you shut up?” the girl yells. 

I startle when the girl says this, but I maintain my composure and try to make it less obvious that I'm listening in on them. Gabi stands up, and Falco does too, her phone suddenly rings and they both turn to it. 

“Don’t answer it, Gabi,” he pleads.

“Shhh, Falco. Um, hello?” Gabi sounds nervous when she says this, and she paces around the bench, at one point she stands right in front of me. She talks and I glance at Falco, who looks very upset. 

Gabi hangs up and mutters, “I have to go.” 

“Where?” Falco asks. 

“Tch. Why do you care? Bye.” 

Falco gets a hold of Gabi’s forearm and stops her, “You don’t have to do this.”

They are both silent, before Gabi pushes the poor kid away. 

“I said bye,” she shrieks and walks away. Falco just stands there, not really knowing what to do and he moves to sit down on the bench and puts his hands into his face. I watch where the girl heads to and I look at the kid again. I make my decision and decide to follow the girl. I figure that this is my only chance. I look back at the kid and he’s still face down, not even bothering to look up.

Gabi waits on the curbside as she nervously taps her fingers on the phone she carries. Suddenly, a black car approaches and stops right in front of her, she quickly gets on. I move fast, and hail a taxi. 

“Can you follow that car?” I ask, expecting for the taxi driver to tell me no, but the man could care less and actually follows the car. At one point, we almost lose the car at a traffic light, but the taxi man hits the accelerator and makes it on time. I have no idea where it is we’re heading, but if it means getting Armin, then I don’t mind getting lost in this concrete jungle. Also, I try my best to ignore the growing number on the taxi meter, and wince as those red numbers continue to change at an increasing pace. _For Armin, I remind myself. Armin._

Finally, we arrive at the Four Seasons Hotel, and the black car immediately parks in the valet area. 

“We’re here, now what?” the taxi driver asks. 

I continue to look at the black vehicle, waiting for Gabi and the driver to step out. The girl is the first to step out, and then Reiner. So, that is Reiner's cousin. He's dressed in this very nice looking suit, and he walks around cooly to hand his keys to the valet. I can’t help feeling a little anxious upon seeing him, especially with everything I’ve found out about him. 

“Miss?” 

“I’ll be getting off here, thank you,” I answer and quickly pay the man and get out the car. It was warm when I left for the park, however, right now it’s getting chilly and I can already feel the goosebumps forming on my skin. 

I braze myself for the cold wind and anxiously watch as Reiner and Gabi enter the hotel. There isn’t really anywhere I can hide, so I decide to follow them as far as I can. I go to the doors of the hotel and the door man opens the door for me. I try to remain inconspicuous as Gabi and Reiner enter the elevator, and I wait to see what level it is they get to. 

“Excuse me, Miss, do you need any help?” 

I turn to the concierge, who looks at me inquisitively and I look back to the light that stops on the 30th floor. He lives in the 30th floor, noted. I turn back to the concierge, “That man and girl, is that Reiner Braun?” 

The concierge raises his eyebrows in a condescending way and it doesn’t look like he’ll answer me, so I add, “I’m a childhood friend of his, and I want to make sure I have the right person, I haven’t seen him in a while.” 

“It is Reiner Braun, would you like me to call him, to see if he would like to meet with you?”

I shake my head and instead ask the man, “By any chance, do you know if he lives on his own?” 

The concierge raises his eyebrows, and pouts as he says, “I am not allowed to disclose any of our client’s personal information. I do apologize, but I must get to work, miss,” and before I can say anything, he leaves. 

I am left standing with only the knowledge that Reiner lives on the 30th floor, and I am about to leave, when I am startled by a short, drowsy looking woman dressed in a maid’s outfit.

“Interested in Reiner, huh?” She inquires. 

“What?” I ask her. 

“Busy man for someone who’s only 21,” she smiles lazily. 

She doesn’t strike me as someone that would work as a maid in a hotel, but she leans in and looks up at me, “What do you want to know?” 

I look at her suspiciously, but there is something about her that strikes me as friendly. 

“What can you tell me?” I add. 

She purses her lips and again gives a lazy smile, I swear she’s going to fall asleep, “I know that a swarm of new faces appeared out of nowhere… like a blonde guy I’ve never seen before.” 

_Is she talking about Armin?_ “Blonde guy?” 

“Yes, smart looking guy. Strange too, he gave me this for no reason whatsoever”

She reaches into the sleeve of her apron and hands me a small seashell. Yes, this is Armin. The day we went to the beach was the day he got taken, and it’s a habit of his to collect seashells whenever he’s anywhere near the beach. 

“Is this person still here?” I ask hopeful. 

She shakes her head, “No. He’s been in and out. ” 

We remain quiet for a bit, and she suddenly extends her hand, “Pieck.” 

“Mikasa.” 

She smiles again, and looks around, before jutting her chin towards me, “We might be able to help each other. I too hold an interest in Reiner.” 

“Hmm,” I hum with determination. 

"Here," she says and hands me a business card with her name and number, she looks over her shoulder as she mutters, "I know it's strange for a maid to have a business card, but maybe a maid is not all I am. I really hope we keep in touch." 

I put the business card inside my back pocket and she smiles slowly as she nods and walks away, "See you, must get back to work," she says, and walks away. 

Hmm, she's more than a maid for sure. I have to tell Marco about this. _Pieck? Who are you?_

As I step outside the hotel, the temperature seems to have dropped even more, I am literally shaking in my boots as I attempt to make my way through the city. I hail a cab, and quickly enter the heated vehicle and ask the driver to drop me off at the park again, it’s a long shot, but I’m hoping that Falco is still there. 

**∞**

I’ve been sleeping a lot today. I don’t want to bother with the painkillers, because I know how that could end. I mean Zeke did make a business out of this, so I just throw the pills to the side and walk out to put the ice pack for my head in the fridge. 

There’s no one in the apartment when I step out. I look to Marco’s room at the end of the hallway and the door is shut, and I realize that I want to see her and thank her for the food she made me, but, who knows, maybe this is a sign from the universe that I shouldn’t try interacting with her. 

I really do want to ask her though, about everything, really. Like if she’s used to the cold now, because she always mentioned in her letters that she’s not used to winter in Tokyo. She hates the cold, I should know. She’d get these tiny goosebumps on her skin when it’d be chilly outside, and I’d carelessly toss her my sweater and I wouldn’t have to tell her to wear it, because she’d immediately put it on and thank me. 

I peek out the window and see that it’s getting cloudy. New York weather seems to be like that. Sunny in the morning, cloudy in the afternoon, raining the next. 

I look around and grab my hoodie, and decide to head out. Zeke had a bunch of clothes ready for my release, so everything I own is brand new, and I got to hand it to Zeke, he really knows how to pick his clothes. 

I step out of the building and I am right, it is cold, and the sound of thunder can be heard from the sky. I think of going back, but thinking about being indoors is making me think otherwise. I just want to be outside. If it rains, I’ll just tough it out. 

I don’t really know where it is I’m going, but before I know it, I’m heading to the park. I look around and most kids are leaving, since it is definitely looking like it’s going to rain. Therefore, I think of walking around the park, but then I see a familiar face. Falco. 

I smile at him, and begin to head towards him. He doesn’t look at me, and instead prefers to look glumly at his feet. 

“Hey,” I say. 

He slowly looks up and gives me a saddened smile. 

“Hey,” he mutters. 

“It might rain, you should be home.” 

“You too,” he says. 

“Yeah,” I respond. 

I sit next to him and sigh, as I rub my face between my palms, “So… what’s wrong?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Why so glum? Does it have to do with that girl?” 

The face he gives me is all the answers I need. 

“I just don’t understand, I just want her to be safe, and she always, always runs towards danger.” 

“What exactly is this danger?” 

He doesn’t say anything and looks away from me instead. I sigh, slightly frustrated, because this kid can’t expect things to change unless he talks!

“Uh, you know… I can maybe help you with your friend.” 

“How?” 

“Well, you can start by telling me about the danger she runs towards.” 

He’s quiet for a bit, like he’s thinking about what to say, but he soon looks like he’s made up his mind. He sighs in melancholy and then mutters, “I’m not sure about what they make her do, but I know that she doesn’t like it, I know it hurts her, and I’ve heard stuff from people on the streets.” 

“What kind of stuff?” 

Falco looks around, and he then looks at me, “There’s a guy that hangs out with Gabi’s cousin sometimes… he’s always gloating about helping with killing a boy’s parents.” 

My blood runs hot at mention of this and a loud buzzing sound beats against my ears as I look at Falco looking at me strangely. 

“Mister? Are you okay?” 

I don’t answer him, and I can feel the droplets of rainwater hitting my face. Falco again looks at me and tugs at my sleeve, “Mister?” He suddenly looks behind me and he gulps, “It’s that lady again.” 

“Huh?” I turn around and follow Falco’s line of vision to find a familiar face walking towards the park. My mind goes blank and I stare as she walks with her hands clasped around her body and walking at a hurried pace towards the park. She’s looking down and when she looks up, her eyes meet with mine. It stays like that for a moment, but her eyes swiftly drift to Falco. She looks back at me and I can’t tell where she’s going to go, because she looks like she doesn’t even know the answer to that. 

“Do you know her?” Falco questions. 

“Huh?” 

“You’re staring.” 

“Uh- yeah, I know her.” 

“Are you going to say hi?” 

“No.” 

“Why?” he asks, but then he looks to the distance and winces, “My brother’s here.” 

I turn to see a guy around my age, with similar hair color as Falco, walking around the park and Falco immediately stands up and says, “Hey, I have to go.” 

“Yeah,” I say. 

He’s about to walk away, but then he stops and mutters under his breath, “Are you serious about helping me?” 

“I am.” 

“Okay, I’ll be seeing you,” he nods before running towards his brother. 

I watch as Falco meets with his brother, they both look at me, before Falco tugs on the guy’s arm and guides him away. 

When I look around, I see that Mikasa isn’t anywhere to be seen, and I feel a sense of disappointment at not seeing her. 

A loud crack is heard from the sky and I look up to meet the onslaught of rain falling at a stupid crazy pace. What the fuck? I look around quickly and begin to run to find shelter from the rapid pellets of rain water and I see that there’s a small passageway with a large overhang, and I don’t think twice about running towards it. 

I take a breather as I am finally away from the water, and I relax against the wall, when I suddenly hear a small hum near me. I turn to see that Mikasa is on the other side of the wall with her arms crossed to keep herself warm, and she’s looking down at her feet, away from me. 

There’s no noise between us, but the pitter patter of rain hitting the asphalt. We both avoid staring at each other, and to say the least, this is awkward. We remain like this for what seems like forever and it’s not until I hear her teeth chattering that I turn to her. She’s not wearing a sweater, and the cold is currently being ruthless against my exposed face, so I could only imagine what she’s going through. 

I’m not even thinking about my action, as I take off my sand colored hoodie and I can hear how her breath hitches when I hold it out to her. 

“Take it,” I mutter.

She doesn’t respond, and we both fail to look at each other, but then I feel as she takes the piece of clothing out of my grasp. 

I look away as I hear the rustling of the sweater being expanded and contracted to go over her body. The rain continues to fall and we don’t bother with moving. My mind, though it should be racing with a million thoughts, feels impossibly at peace. 

“Thanks,” she whispers suddenly. 

I don’t look at her, I can’t. I’m scared about what I’m about to do. So, I will just ignore her and leave her word hanging, even though I was the one who initiated this. The rain suddenly let’s up and a shallow drizzle is all that’s left behind. I’m in the process of looking up, when she suddenly takes off. I watch as her receding form takes the forefront of my attention, and I bunch my fist at my side choking back every emotion that wants to come out. I close my eyes and lean my head back as I groan at our interaction. 

Why is it that someone that I spent every moment of my childhood with, feels like such a stranger to me? She used to take my sweater so carelessly and now, this action felt like an action with so much pain and apprehension. What’s worse, is that this is how it’s going to be. She will leave back to Japan, and I will remain on the other side of the ocean like a pathetic fool. 

_But… what if-what if, I win this fight? What if I clear my name? Will she want me? Will she take my broken pieces after all I’ve put her through? Can I take her broken trust on me and mend her?_

As she becomes a speck in the distance, it all feels like an impossible dream. Us. It just feels… I just don’t know anymore. It feels like there’s a locked door in front of me, and the key is nowhere to be found. 

I inhale and shove my hands inside my pocket as I head back to Marco’s place, it’s too damn cold. 

**∞**

I walk fast through the drizzle of rain, there’s thunder overhead, and I am 100% certain that it’ll start raining hard soon. I pull at the sleeves of his hoodie over my hands and I cover my face to keep it warm. I wish I didn’t take his sweater, but I was cold. I wasn’t thinking. 

At least my teeth stopped chattering, but my ears are now painful against the bitter cold. Without a thought I pull the hoodie over my head, and his scent is etched on the material as a smell that only belongs to Eren reaches my nose. 

I wish this small insignificant thing didn’t make my stomach flutter and my heart feel like it’s ready to escape my chest. What am I to you, Eren? Who do you think I am?

Marco’s apartment is across the street, and I am so lost in thinking about Eren that I cross absentmindedly, which is something I usually don’t do. This proves to be a bad sense of judgement as I suddenly hear the screeching tires of a car at my side. 

Time moves in slow motion as I watch how a car tries to screech to a halt, but it seems it will fail, and I am the unexpected target in its path. There’s nowhere for me to move, I am frozen by a mix of so many emotions. Surprise, fear, and the expectation of me getting hit by a vehicle. All I could do is close my eyes and brace for impact. 

Nevertheless, a pair of sturdy hands are suddenly wrapped around me and I am harshly pushed to the ground. It all happens so fast and all I feel is the blow of being pushed to the ground. 

I shut my eyes, and when I slowly open them, Eren is staring at me. He is panting heavily and looks up to glance at the skeeting car past us. It stops for a second, but then it is driving off again. _Jerk!_

“Asshole,” Eren mutters under his breath. 

We don’t move as he holds me against the asphalt, and it is not until the rain really comes down that we are forced to stand up. He holds his hand out and I reluctantly take it, as I move carefully to stand up. I instantly flinch when I put pressure on my leg, and Eren notices. 

“Sorry,” he mutters. 

Wow. He’s apologizing when he literally saved me. The worst I got was a bruised knee, when I could’ve gotten hurt way worse. 

“It’s just an ache,” I say. 

The rain is coming down fast, Marco’s apartment is so close, but I already feel the hoodie growing heavy with water. I turn to move, and I release a groan as I put pressure on my leg again, I stand there for a minute, but then I feel a firm grip rounding my back and I look up to see that Eren is standing next to me. 

“Let’s go inside,” he says without staring at me. 

I want to let go, I want to tell him to keep his hands off me because I am not sure whether my head is swimming due to the scare of almost getting hit by a car or his hands on me. I don’t respond and just let him help me. 

When we enter Marco’s apartment, he helps me sit down on the couch and he quickly disappears into the kitchen. I rub my knee, it really isn’t a big deal, and I am more worried about changing out of these wet clothes, but he soon appears with an ice pack in his hand. 

He holds it out for me and I give him a quick glance before taking it. I press it against my knee, and look down at the carpeted floor, before he mumbles, "Thank you for the food... from earlier, and the cookies." 

I press the ice pack to my knee, hoping it distracts me from this situation, but it does little. 

"Hmm-mm," is all I can verbalize. 

Awkward silence falls between us as I clear my throat, "Thanks for pushing me out of the way... before the car could hit me."

"Yeah," he sniffles and adds, "I should probably change out of my clothes... you should too."

"Yeah." 

I can feel his eyes on me as I stand up and I foolishly look at him and mutter, "I'm sorry about hitting you on the head." 

The tiniest of smiles appear on his face and he shakes his head, "I heard what happened, it's fine." 

He's quiet again and I'm not sure if he's waiting for me to say something, but all I do is slowly back away and say, "I have to go change." 

"Yeah," he utters. 

As I disappear into the hallway, I hear him sigh deeply, and I too, find myself releasing a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, because after four years that's the first conversation I've held with Eren... and I really don't know what to think of the situation. I press my hand against the wall and limp into Marco's room, and I have to put a hand over my mouth to cover the foolish smile that has suddenly spread. 


	9. Two Separate Roads

It’s been three days since Mikasa almost got hit by the car. We’ve avoided each other for those three days, and those days have been filled with awkward run ins in the hallway, in the kitchen, and pretty much anywhere in the apartment that isn’t our respective rooms. 

I tried to not stare at her during this time, but there were times when she’d be in the kitchen that I’d steal a glance or two. At first, I told myself that it was to check on her leg. However, soon I realized that I’d be staring at her face rather than her knee, and when I took notice of this, I took note at how hard it was to not look at her. 

Soon, this became extremely difficult to control, and so I tried to be at home as little as possible. Instead, I’d walk around the city, I’d go to the park and wait for Falco, but he never showed up, at least not until today. 

It was a nice bright day, and as I stepped out I couldn’t think about anywhere else to go, except for the park. Falco hasn’t shown up, but for some reason I feel that today will be the day that he might. It’s just this feeling of happenance that’s stirring within me. 

I see the usual bench where I meet him, and he isn’t there, but I still decide to sit and watch the kids playing and running around. I am lost in thought when I hear the scuffing of shoes near me, and when I look up, it’s Falco. 

“Hey,” he says. 

“Hi.” 

We both sit on the bench without saying much, until he breaks the silence. 

“Were you serious about helping me?” he says abruptly. 

“Yes, I was. Why?” 

“B-because, there’s going to be an event this weekend. Gabi has to go to it… and when I asked if I could go, she said no, she normally lets me go with her. I don't know... maybe it’s because she knows that I’m scared of Marlowe and-” 

_Wait!_

“Marlowe?” I puff out. 

Falco looks at me with frightened wide eyes as he stutters, “Y-yes. D-do you know him?” 

I don’t know how to respond, my heart beat is loud against my ears, and I have to remind myself that I can’t let this kid know who I am. I shake my head hastily and clear my throat. 

“No- I just… it’s something else. Forget about it. So, uhm- how do you want me to help you?” 

Falco’s knee bounces the same way Mikasa’s knee does when she’s overthinking or she's nervous, come to think of it, he does a lot of things that remind me of her. 

“Can you help me break into the party?” he asks.

“You want to crash a party?” I ask in surprise. 

He looks at me with wide glossy eyes as he nervously says, “Those parties always have a lot of security, like guns and stuff." 

Hmm, a high security party and Marlowe will be there. I’m definitely doing this.

“Falco, I’m in,” I say with determination and he looks at me with giddy. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, I’ll come up with something, just let me know where this party is going to be at.” 

“It’s the Four Seasons Hotel, they always make their parties there.” 

“The Four Seasons?” 

“Yeah, it’s this very fancy hotel.” 

“Hmm, so we need to break into a fancy hotel. Wait, why do you want to break in?” 

Falco sighs as he nervously holds his head, “I need evidence. I know something’s going on with Gabi, I just know it, but she’s too scared to tell me what she’s afraid of.” 

“I told you, I’ll help you,” I assure Falco. 

Falco smiles then smack his forehead and laughs, “I keep forgetting to ask you what your name is!” 

“Oh, it’s Eren.” 

He makes a face of surprise at first, then one of suspicion, “Eren? Eren what?” 

“Uhm, Kruger.” 

Shit. I am using the last name of my cell mate. Coincidentally, the guy had the same first name as me, and yes, this was the first name that popped up in my head. 

Falco sighs in smiling relief, “Oh, okay, that’s good to hear.” 

“We’re getting into that party Falco, you can count on that and we will get so much evidence that we’ll be putting those bastards away for a long time.” 

He smiles and swings his legs to show that he’s happy about what I told him. For now, I have no idea how I will get him in, but I’ll figure something out. I’m sure. 

“Hey, Mr. Kruger… who was that lady, the one from the other day.” 

“Oh, she’s… she’s an old friend.” 

“You were looking at her funny,” he says as he smiles into the distance, it’s like he wants to tease me, but he’s too shy to do so. 

“How?” 

“You looked at her the same way Gabi looks at me when I surprise her with her favorite candy,” his smile grows wider, “Shiny eyes, open mouth, I don't know how to describe it.” 

He shrugs and looks away with a tiny blush beginning to form, “Do you like her?” 

Why the hell is a little twelve-year-old asking me this? What the fuck?

“We,” I sigh heavily, “We aren’t talking right now. Even if I liked her, it’s just too complicated.” 

“How?” 

“Stuff that’s too hard for a twelve-year-old to understand.” 

Falco seems to understand that I don’t want to continue talking about her and he just sighs longingly and nods, “I don't understand, but I get it.” 

He stands up from the bench and scuffs his sneaker on the ground nervously, “I have to go, my mom doesn’t want me to stay out for too long. Thanks for helping me. The party will be at 8:00 p.m. on Saturday. I’ll let you know if anything changes, bye Mister Kruger.” 

“Bye, Falco.” 

I watch him leave, and I lean my head back into my intertwined palms, as I try to think of ways to sneak into a party where men with guns will attend, but most importantly Reiner will be there and Marlowe. _What about Armin?_ _I wonder if he’ll be there too._

My phone suddenly begins to vibrate in my pants and I really need to get used to the idea of having a cell phone. You’d think I’m an old man with the way I use a cell phone and you wouldn’t think that I’ll be turning 20 in a few months.

When I look at the phone number, I see that it's Zeke. I’m actually surprised he’s taken this long to call me. 

“Zeke.” 

“Eren! Hey! Why’d you call me the other day?” 

“It was nothing.” 

“Really?" he asks incredulously, but his tone quickly changes to one of enthusiasm, "Hey, Eren, guess what I found out?” he’s silent waiting for me to ask him what, but I don’t say a single thing, “I found out that Mikasa’s here!” 

I remain silent and just sigh heavily. 

“Eren? Hey? Mikasa’s here! I know you’re in New York, but-”

“She’s here in New York, too.” 

“Bro? Really? On purpose or accident?” 

“Zeke… I don’t know." 

“Eren, what if this is one of those destiny things. You know? Meant to be… soulmates?"

I go silent at the way he whispers that last word. 

"Eren? Hello?” 

“Zeke, shut up.” 

“Is this why you called me that time? It is, isn’t it? I knew it! You always do that when it comes to her! I have to start gambling again.” 

“Zeke!” 

“Eren?” 

“What do you want?” I ask slightly annoyed. 

“Just checking in on you,” he says earnestly. 

He is a good half-brother, he really is. He always tells me he'd give his life for me, and even if I scoff when he says this, I know he means. 

“I’m okay,” I say softly. 

“You know what I advise you to do, and you know what I want you to do, but you never want to listen and do it.”

“Zeke, I’m not changing my name and moving to Japan, I have probation.” 

“Yeah, but after probation, what are you going to do regarding her?” 

“I have probation for four years! She has her life in Japan, she has her life set... there’s nowhere I could fit in. Zeke, do you understand that? My name is smeared, what the hell can I offer her?”

Zeke is silent on the other line, and I am hopeless, because I’m being honest with myself. _What can I offer her? Nothing, but scars._

“Have you spoken to her?” 

“Not really. I don’t think I can. I tried the other day, and it was just too hard. It’s too hard to hold in everything I want to say.” 

The line goes quiet, Zeke doesn’t know what to say, he slowly clears his throat. 

“I made the payment, just like you told me.” 

“Thanks.” 

“I really think you should tell him. Armin deserves to know, you know.” 

“No. Let him keep thinking that it’s a scholarship.” 

“Ah, Eren, I really try to understand you, but you make it a little too hard. Well, I’ll let you go, I have a baseball game to go to.” 

He waits for me to say something, he just knows me too well. 

“Zeke, I’m going to clear my name.” 

I can picture him smiling as he sighs with content on the other line, “I’m sure you will, and I’m rooting for you.” 

“Bye, Zeke… thanks.” 

We both hang up.

The sun’s out, even though it’s cold. I am well rested, but I still feel tired. It’s been years of being pushed down, and for the first time in forever, I feel like there might be a light in the darkness. I haven’t stopped thinking about Mikasa since our interaction. 

It was painful, but it was everything to me. 

I kept repeating her quiet words, and the rhythm of her breaths in my mind. It’s silly I know, but I did that. The worst part was that the entire time we spoke I knew that those small words held worlds of their own, and those worlds held words upon words of our history together. 

I am going to clear my name, if it’s the last thing I do. I will be a free man. _After that_ … even I would like to know what happens after that. 

For now, I need to speak to Marlowe, beat the living shit out of him, and force him to confess. He’s the only chance I have in clearing my name, or at least getting on the road to that. 

I stand up from the bench and I walk on a sidewalk, next to a line of parked cars and my eye is quick to catch a motorcycle with a ‘for sale’ sign, and the urge to call the number on the sign is impossibly strong. 

**∞**

_DING_

My eyes strain to open as I take my phone into my hand and glare at the screen. 

[ _Hi, it’s Pieck, the hotel “maid.” Quick question! Are you free this weekend, and do you have any flashy fancy get up?_ ]

“Flashy fancy get up? What?” I mutter groggily. 

I sit up from the bed and yawn lazily looking at the text again and begin to type, nevertheless, Pieck beats me to it and sends me a picture of an invitation. I do a double take when I see that the event is at the Four Season Hotel, and my mouth falls open in surprise. I grab my phone and quickly start typing. 

[ _What exactly are you planning?_ ]

I pace around the room, not really knowing how to react as I wait for Pieck’s text, and good thing I don’t wait long as my phone quickly dings. 

[ _I overheard a conversation while cleaning. Armin, the guy who gave me the seashell, that’s your friend right?]_

Armin! 

[ _Yes! But why are you doing this?]_

The text bubbles appear and disappear, when suddenly my phone starts ringing. I am surprised by the sudden intrusion of the call, however, I am quick to answer, and try my hardest to sound calm. 

“Hello, Pieck?” 

“Mikasa, so are you in or out?” 

It’s Armin, of course I am in. 

“In.” 

“I thought so. I’ll let you know where we can meet on Saturday, for now, worry about finding something fancy.” 

“Uhm, Pieck… why are you doing this?” 

“Your friend Armin isn’t with Reiner’s men by choice, is he?” 

I shake my head, forgetting that she can’t see what I’m doing and quickly speak, “No.” 

“Mikasa, if I help you with your friend… do you think he’ll give me an interview?” 

“An interview? Uh- I’m sure he will.” 

“I’ll take your word.” 

“Pieck? How am I getting into this party?” 

“Leave that to me. So, I’ll be seeing you this weekend. Goodbye.” 

“Yes, goodbye.” 

We both hang up the phone, and I look around for my suitcase and throw it over the bed to rummage through it. Hmm, I have nothing fancy to wear to this party. I bite my lip as I look at my watch and decide to go out shopping today, maybe I can find something, uh- fancy to wear. 

For now, I’m not sure if I should talk to Marco about this. I haven’t told anyone about Pieck, and now I’m not sure if I should. What if I just keep this to myself for now? Maybe this can be an easy and low key rescue without involving the police. 

I grab my purse that lies carelessly on the reclining chair next to the window, and I decide to head out, there’s only a couple of days until the weekend and I should be prepared. Who knows what could happen, really. 

**∞**

The days have passed and tonight is the day of the party. Mikasa and I haven’t interacted in the slightest. She avoids me, and I avoid her. I’ve been busy anyway, trying to come up with a way to enter that stupid party. Besides, I ended up buying the motorcycle I saw, and I've been practicing on it, because before I went to jail, I was learning how to ride one, and frankly, I like motorcycles.

Also, I told Falco to stay out of it, and that I’d get his evidence on my own, because he’s a good kid and I just don’t want him getting hurt in a problem that should be handled by adults. I’ve also debated whether I should tell Marco about this, but at the end, I didn’t. Instead, I wrote a letter in case things go horribly wrong, and I left it somewhere he could see it. He’s going out tonight, so by the time this is all over, he'd read the letter. Whether I am back or not, I don't know. 

I look towards Mikasa’s room, but I’m not sure if she’s even there. She’s been in and out these last few days and seeing her has become difficult, it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. 

“Shit,” I mutter.

I just want a glimpse of her, and I am admitting to myself that I want to see her. I look back to her room again, and then turn away as I bunch my fist on the handle of my duffle bag and head out to a night that is expected to be filled with thrill. 

**∞**

When I arrive, I see all the cars and people casually entering the hotel in their fancy get up. I scoff looking at these fucking snobs, and I can’t help but feel disgust at their association with Reiner. 

Me? I’m dressed like a maintenance worker. I went to a costume shop and found this, and well here I am. I still have my duffle bag with me. I also managed to get a gun, just in case. My goal is to find out where they have Armin, and to talk to that Marlowe guy. I am walking out with that fucker no matter what! He might be my only chance towards freedom, and I fucking hate that. 

“Mr. Kruger, here you are.”

I turn abruptly to the sound of a voice I clearly told not to come. Falco peers at me with this fierce look that is odd on his usual calm face. 

“What are you doing here? I told you I’d take care of it on my own.” 

He shakes his head and removes the hand I placed over his shoulder. 

“I’m coming! It was my idea, and it’s a promise I made to myself!” 

He looks down, embarrassed over his little outburst, and I sigh in defeat as I walk away, but soon I stop for a moment and turn back to him, “Come on then, let’s go.”

He looks up in surprise, “Really?” 

I don't answer him, and simply nod my head towards the hotel and begin to walk. Soon, I hear his shoes scuffing behind me. 

When we make it close to the hotel, we turn to an abandoned alleyway and I zip the duffle bag to pull out the gun. When Falco sees this, his eyes widen in shock. 

“A gun?” 

I tuck the gun into my waistband, and mutter, “You did say that security was tight here.” 

He thinks to himself and nods, “Right,” but he looks unsure. 

I look at him and grip his shoulder, “No one’s forcing you to come with me, this is your chance to stay back.” 

His scared face soon becomes determined as he shakes his head, “No, it’s my idea, I am going!” 

I take my hand off him, and look behind me, “Fine, we’re going inside.” 

“Why are you dressed like that Mr. Kruger?” 

I smile at the kid and nod my head towards the hotel, “I’m going in as a maintenance worker.” 

“What about me?”

I look at the kid dressed in normal civilian clothes and shrug, “I’ll say that you’re my little brother, and that I have to babysit you.” 

He frowns at me, “I’m old enough to not have a babysitter!” 

I laugh and raise my eyebrows at him, “Okay, then stay here,” I say and walk away. 

But he's still following me as he mutters, “Fine, you’re my babysitter.” 

“Mr. Kruger? “Was that your motorcycle by the way? The one parked on the street?” 

“Yeah, I just bought it.” 

**∞**

When we get to the door, the bellhop gives us a funny look. He looks around my age and he looks a little panicked upon seeing me. 

“Uh, hello, how can I help you?” 

I pretend to be annoyed and cross my arms as I look at the guy, “I got called for work at the last minute, on a fucking weekend. Where do I go?” 

The guy gives me these wide stressed eyes as he says, “I don’t know, this is barely my second week here, they never tell me anything about anything here.” 

I scoff and look at Falco annoyed, “Can you believe this?” I turn back to the bellhop, “Man, I brought my little brother, I had no one to leave him with.” 

I place my hands on my hips and continue to tsk in disappointment, “What now, man?” 

The bellhop looks around and he bites his lip as he scratches his head, “Do you know what you have to fix?” 

“I think they mentioned something about some faucet in some room for a party?” 

The bellhop’s eyes widen, “Oh _that_ party?” He looks inside the hotel and worriedly looks around, “There’s no one I can ask.” 

I sigh and run a hand through my locks as I put it up in a bun, “They told me it was going to be a quick thing, no more than an hour.” 

The bellhop finally relinquishes, “Fine,” he points down a hallway, “You take a left, on the first hallway you meet, should be where the kitchen is, there you can ask one of the workers to help you look for the leaking faucet.” 

He looks down at Falco and mutters, “Tell your brother to remain lowkey, and whatever you do, don’t tell them that I was the one who let you in. I really need this job.” 

I shrug and pat his back, “I need this job too, man.” 

The bellhop just shakes his head, and I don’t bother looking back at him as I enter the hotel. 

Both Falco and I gasp as we enter the hotel, it’s obvious that neither of us have stepped inside a place like this and we are immediately left in awe over the interior of the hotel. At one point Falco pulls on my sleeve and pushes me to start walking and I absentmindedly follow him down the correct path. 

I look at my watch, and notice that it’s close to nine, and I assume the party is in full swing as a stream of nicely dressed people walk to and fro. I see the entrance of the kitchen to the left and begin to walk forward, but then a shimmering sight of red appears from the corner of my eye. 

I don’t pay it much attention at first, but then I recognize the curve of her face, and the sway of her hips is something daunting and mesmerizing that many eyes, including mine, turn to gaze at her. 

"Mikasa..." I whisper. 

In the flash moment that I see her I see that she’s clad in this long tight red dress, and even though I barely catch a glimpse of her face, it is enough for me to see how beautiful she looks. She hasn’t been at Marco’s place today, _has she been here? Is she here with someone?_

I gulp as a mix of thoughts flood my mind, and I can’t define what it is I am feeling. I don’t want to acknowledge my feelings, actually. 

“Mr. Kruger?” Falco interrupts. 

I turn to Falco and he looks up at me inquisitively, “We have to go, Mister Kruger.” 

My feet begin to walk towards her with the thought of only getting to her, but then she disappears into the crowd and I can’t find her. I look around over the crowd, straining my neck over the hoards of people, but she’s nowhere to be seen. 

What is she doing here? I run a distressed hand over my hair and begin to walk in search of her, but Falco gets a hold of my sleeve and nods towards the kitchen. 

“Let’s go Mr. Kruger, the kitchen is right over here.” 

“Y-yeah,” I say absentmindedly as I force my feet to walk away from her direction. 

“Yeah.” 

I turn away and walk towards the direction of the kitchen. Surely, this night will be interesting.

**∞**

Pieck managed to get me an invitation to the party. I don’t know how she did it, but she did. We met outside the hotel where she smirked upon seeing me and muttered, “Hot.” 

I felt myself becoming flustered at her comment, as I chose the dress upon a recommendation from the stylist in the store. I really couldn’t decide on what to wear, and I asked for help, and let myself be guided by the store’s stylist. I felt a little uncomfortable with the way the red shimmering dress hugged at my body, because it made it feel like a second layer of skin, rather than a piece of cloth to cover my body. 

The stylist was persistent on me choosing this dress, and I frankly just wanted a dress to wear to this thing, so I relinquished, and so here I am. I try to infiltrate myself through the crowd and go unperceived, nevertheless I find many eyes turn to me, and I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd. At one point a man doesn’t make it discrete that he’s staring at my bosom and I am forced to cover my chest with my hand. 

Pieck will be in this party as the help. She assured me that if anything goes wrong, there’d be people ready to help me, which confused me because I am looking around the room, but there is no one that seems to be a part of this plan to save Armin. 

I spend the first half hour of the party standing in a corner behind a crowd of people, to cover me in case Reiner makes an appearance. I try to be inconspicuous in my staring, trying to look for any sign of Armin. But, thinking about it, will Armin really be here? 

I bite my lip hugging my arm to my side, and I feel so out of place when I suddenly feel someone standing next to me. 

“Nice seeing you again,” says an unfamiliar familiar voice. 

I turn to see a guy that’s just a couple inches shorter than me, with a slicked back undercut that seems to require lots of hair gel to style. Wait a minute, now I know why he looks familiar. He was there when we got kidnapped! He’s one of Reiner’s men!

I gasp and begin to walk away, but he takes a hold of my forearm. 

“Wait.” 

I stop because he sounds calm, cool even. He still doesn’t let go of my arm and looks away for a moment, like making sure that no one is watching us. Once he makes sure the coast is clear, he mutters, “So, you’re the one working with Pieck, huh?” 

“Pieck?” 

He sighs and I can see the temple of his jaw twitch as he looks back at me. For a moment his eyes rake my face, and I feel a little flustered when he smiles. 

“I’m Porco by the way.” 

“Mikasa.”

“I don’t know how Pieck does it.”

I notice his eyes glint when he speaks of Pieck, and I ask him, “You’re the one with Pieck, right? You’re the one that will help if anything goes wrong.” 

He let’s go of my arm and shoves his hands into his pockets and leans back casually against it as he crosses his arms over his chest and smirks. 

“My brother thinks you’re cool.” 

“Huh?” 

“He’s the one you knocked unconscious… and yeah I’m here to help Pieck,” he looks around for a moment before standing right next to me and mutters under his breath, “Your friend… he’s on the 30th floor in room 13.” 

“How is he?” 

“He’s alright. He’s with my brother, the one you knocked unconscious, and Marlowe.” 

“Marlowe?” I gasp. Marlowe is here. Marlowe, who can be an important person to clearing Eren’s name, is here.

Porco frowns, “What? You know him?” 

“Sort of. Hey, can you take me to Armin?” 

Porco looks into the distance and I see how he eyes Reiner from across the room. I didn't even know he was here already. Reiner is wearing a white suit lined in black around the edges, and he's looking sharp as he smiles and walks around greeting people left and right. 

“Can you make it quick?” 

“All I want is to save my friend, and I’m out. There’s nothing else here that I want.” 

Suddenly, he nods his head signaling me to follow him and utters, “Follow me.” 

I do. I try to remain close to him, but at one point I almost lose him and he notices, and he’s quick to get a hold of my hand. 

I don't have time to process that I’m holding hands with a stranger that helped kidnap me not so long ago, and so there is little time to think about this action. Nevertheless, to onlookers, this might seem like a handsome guy taking a girl to his hotel room to be intimate, rather than to save her kidnapped friend. I ignore this thought, because there is no one in this hotel that knows me, so I shouldn't worry.

We make it to the elevator and we ride in awkward silence until he mutters, “How’d you learn those moves?” 

“I’m training to be a martial arts teacher.” 

“That explains it. That’s really cool.” 

“Thanks. So, you and your brother are with Pieck?” 

He scratches his head and scoffs a smirk, “Pieck… she’s very persistent when she wants to get the truth out.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“She’s a reporter. Me? I’m her measly cameraman, who she managed to convince to infiltrate into one of the most notorious sex ring gangs in New York.” 

“Wow,” I gasp. 

“Yeah, it wasn’t hard though, Marcel and I had connections, maybe that’s why she chose me as her cameraman.” 

He looks a little upset about this. I’m starting to think that he might have a crush on her, but I of course won’t be privy about his love life. We get out of the elevator on the 30th floor, and as we’re walking we hear a rustle nearby. Porco looks at me and he’s quick to hide me from view with his body, which required him to push me against a wall. 

“Someone’s out there," he mutters close to my face. 

We both avoid making eye contact due to the proximity of our faces, and we soon hear a familiar voice. _Reiner._

“Shit,” Porco curses. He looks around the hallway and takes my hand for me to follow him. We make it to a door and he quickly pulls out his hotel key, and opens it, in order for us to enter the room. 

“He’s coming to look for me, fuck,” he gasps as he looks around the room, “You have to hide.” 

I panic and look around the room and think that the bathroom is the easiest place to hide, nevertheless a loud knock is soon heard. 

“Galliard! Where the fuck are you? Open the door you fuck.” Reiner roars as he jangles the door handle, but soon he says, “I’ve got the fucking key here.” 

I panic and I do the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the door handle click open, and so I hide under the sheets of the bed. 

My chest is rising at a fervent pace as I hear Reiner’s footsteps entering the room. 

I close my eyes and clutch the blanket securely over my head praying that he doesn’t pull it down. _Please, Reiner, think about, what I want you to think about._

He chuckles, “Ha, no wonder you’re here.” 

I can hear Porco’s nervousness when he speaks, “Y-yeah, can I have some privacy?” 

I hear Reiner walk around the room and then he laughs, “Damn, that urgent, huh?” He tsks under his breath in a mocking tone and sighs heavily, “Hurry the fuck up then, I need you downstairs for security. I need Annie for something else.” 

“Okay,” Porco sighs. 

It is quiet for sometime until I hear Reiner walking away. The door opens, but I know he’s still there, “Bring whoever you have under the sheets to the party, I want to meet her.” 

“Yes, Reiner,” Porco says. 

The door closes. It’s quiet for some time until he breaths out heavily, “He’s out.” 

I pull the sheets away and I can hear my heart beating loudly against my chest. 

"That was close," I sigh. 

Porco nods and walks to look out the door to make sure Reiner is gone. He comes back and runs a frustrated hand through his hair. 

"Sorry about that." 

"It's fine." 

"Let me call my brother, maybe he can help us." 

He takes his phone out and begins to make a call and I sit on the touseled bed trying to think of something myself. 

"Marcel," Porco speaks calmly at first, nevertheless his face is quick to change from one of confusion to one of worry as he remains on the call. "Marcel? Hey! What's that sound?"

Porco looks concerned and I am at the edge of my seat as I have no clue what is going, yet I know it must be something of importance. 

"What! Eren's here?" Porco shouts as he begins to walk towards the door. 

I stand up when Porco shouts Eren's name, "Eren?" 

Eren's here? What is he doing here? I barely have enought ime to collect my thoughts when all of a sudden the loud blaring sirens of the fire alarm go off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, thank you for keeping up with the series and for being patient with my recent writer's block.


	10. I Want To Hold Your Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Important change*  
> I am changing Jean's fiance to Hitch, as I accidentally included Pieck twice. I apologize for my mistake and for any confusion this caused.

Who the fuck is that guy, and why is he holding her hand? 

“Mr. Kruger?” 

I hear Falco’s faint voice, but I don’t acknowledge it. 

“Mr. Kruger?” 

My fists bunch at my sides as I see Mikasa leaving with the guy and before I know it, I am going after them without giving a damn if Reiner is around to see. 

“Mr. Kruger, where are you going?” Falco gasps behind me. 

I don’t answer him and I quicken my step to catch up to them. I push against the crowd of people, nevertheless, I lose sight of them as they enter the elevator. My shoulders immediately tense up, thinking about where he is taking her… and why? 

“Mr. Kruger, what are you doing? We need to gather evidence and I want to look for Gabi.” 

I look back at Falco and I just can’t think clearly right now. What the hell is this feeling that’s clouding my thinking? 

“Falco, I-” I begin, but an adamant voice quickly interrupts us. 

“Falco!” 

We both turn to look at this young girl that looks around Falco’s age, and even though she’s little, she looks mad. 

“Gabi!” Falco beams with a smile. 

Ah, so this is Gabi. I don’t really pay the young girl much attention, because my attention is on the numbers on top of the elevator, trying to find out where it is he’s taking her. 

“What are you doing here?” the girl asks. 

“Um, I’m here with-” 

“Who’s that?” 

“That’s Mr. Kruger,” Falco answers. 

She scowls at me and crosses her arms as she turns to Falco, “You should leave!” 

“No!” Falco snaps back. 

I roll my eyes, I don’t have time for this, and so I grab Falco’s sleeve as the elevator’s door opens. I pull him with me inside and the doors are about to close when Gabi jumps in just as I press the button for the 30th floor. 

“What the heck? Where do you think you’re going?” she asks. 

I look at this girl and then at Falco, my eyebrows shoot up in a “really, this is the girl you like?” type of way, and Falco frowns at me. 

I shake my head and ignore the string of questions from Gabi, and I just wait for the doors to open. Once they do I hold my hand out to stop the doors from closing and very slowly do I look out the elevator, and I see Mikasa and this bastard walking together. _Fuck._

“Mr. K-” 

I put my hand over Falco’s mouth as I stealthily move us out the elevator and behind a wall away from their view. I forget about Gabi, and she’s already loud, so what do I really expect when I try to pull her behind the wall? She fights me. 

Falco gets a hold of her and looks at her with pleading eyes as he puts his finger over his mouth to tell her to be quiet. At first she scowls, but soon her face softens and mouths “fine.” 

We made noise, that’s obvious. I wait for a bit and when I sneakily look over the wall, I see possibly the worst thing in my life! This porcupine haired bastard has her pinned against the wall and he quickly opens his hotel room to pull her in! What the hell am I seeing? Did I really just come here to watch Mikasa go into a room with a guy? What if she knows him? _What about me… what am I?_

I am about to walk towards the room, and the only thought on my mind is pushing the door open and getting her out of there. _What are they doing in the room?_

Before I can make my decision, I see a familiar despicable sight before me. _Reiner_ . I have the gun on my waistband, I can just finish him off right here, _right now_. However, I hold on for a second when I see him jiggling the door handle of the room Mikasa just entered. 

Good. _He’s interrupting them,_ I wrongly think. 

_No, wait, this is Reiner we’re talking about, this isn’t good. This is very bad actually._

Gabi sees him and her eyes immediately go wide with admiration, which confuses me beyond belief. She’s about to walk towards him, but Falco takes a hold of her hand. 

“Let me go!” she snaps at him, and she’s about to walk towards him, but he’s already gone inside the same room Mikasa just entered. 

“Mikasa…” I breath out and begin to move towards the room, but then this guy with slicked black hair steps out of the room across from us, and a head full of blonde hair is right behind him. 

“Armin,” I marvel. 

They see me and stop dead on their tracks. 

“Eren?” Armin gasps. 

The black haired guy’s eyes widen and he doesn’t move at all, and Armin too remains frozen. 

Slowly, the black haired man holds his hands out towards me, as if he’s trying to calm down a wild animal before it attacks, and he then puts one finger to his mouth in a shushing manner. I frown not understanding what he is doing and I cock my head to the side. 

“Marcel?” Gabi interrupts from behind me, “What are you doing? Reiner says he’s not allowed outside.” 

She looks at Armin, and I notice how Marcel’s eyes widen upon seeing her. 

“Gabi? Shouldn’t you be at the party?” 

Now, Gabi’s eyes widen and she fails to give him an answer. 

“Eren? What are you doing here?” Armin ponders. 

“Armin...” 

My voice trails off as I see a face that I remember seeing long ago, speaking against me at a courtroom, claiming that they saw me killing my parents. 

“Marlowe…” I utter. 

Anger is blinding when it’s fueled by old wounds, and right now the wounds that were meant to be scarred bleed fresh with what I feel. 

“Hey, Mr. Kruger?” says the barely audible voice of Falco, as I begin to charge towards fucking Marlowe. I throw a punch at him, and he seems confused by what I’m doing as my fist connects to his face. 

“Eren!” Armin shrieks. 

“You fucker!” I grit as I grab a hold of his shirt. 

Marlowe looks at me with wide terror-filled eyes as he tries to connect my anger towards him. Armin and the guy, who Gabi called Marcel try to pull me off, but they are no match.

“Eren!” Armin struggles to say as he tries to pull me off the fucking bowl-cut liar. He’s trying to be quiet, and I wonder if it’s because he knows Reiner is nearby. 

My hand reaches for my gun and I pull it out at the same time he pulls his own gun out. We point it at each other as I stare at him with anger filled eyes, and he points it at me with confused eyes. 

“Eren?” Marlowe gasps, connecting the dots, “Yeager?” 

He continues to look at me, and it’s safe to say he recognizes me, and that’s when he clicks his gun. 

“Woah, hey Marlowe!” Marcel intercedes, “There are kids here.” 

_Fuck. Falco’s here. I can’t forget that._

“Like I give a shit,” he mutters. 

He continues to hold the gun and we stare at each other as I too, click my gun. Suddenly, he surprises me by kicking my gun off my hand and it clatters to the ground as he makes a run for it. 

I take a hold of my gun and I am about to chase him, when Armin suddenly gets a hold of my hand and shakes his head. Slowly, my grip on the handle of the gun loosens as I look away from Marlowe. He’s getting away. My chance at freedom is running away from me. 

My chance of being free to go wherever I want, with _who_ I want… is leaving. _No._

“No,” I utter as I tighten my fist on the gun handle, and my determination towards freedom pushes me to chase that bastard Marlowe, who has now entered the staircase building. 

“Eren, no,” Armin gasps behind me as he chases me. 

I yank the staircase door open, where I am able to catch a glimpse of Marlowe a few levels above me, and I am about to begin my trek upstairs, but a pair of hands are soon on me. I turn to see that Marcel is trying to stop me, but I fight him on it. I also see that both Gabi and Falco stand at the bottom of the stairs watching the struggle, and Falco’s eyes are trained on me, unmoving. 

_What the hell?_ Why is he looking at me like that? Why is he looking at me the same way she looked at me when I got arrested? 

Those saddened, pleading gray eyes that ate at a piece of my heart. I couldn’t bear looking at those eyes, and that pang inside my chest twists it's awful knife at my heart all over again. 

“Hey! Listen, here!” Marcel shouts as he slams me against the wall. “Can you fucking calm down?” 

“Who the fuck are you, telling me to calm down?” I spit. 

He gives me this stern look as he holds me against the wall, but he loosens his grip slightly. 

“Can we talk?” he asks, and I can feel the earnesty in his voice when he says this, which I’m finding very weird, because he is one of Reiner’s men. Right? 

_What is up with this guy?_

“Eren!” Armin says sternly as he gets closer, but the sound of Marlowe’s feet hitting the ground as he goes upstairs is too distracting… too infuriating. 

“I just need to...” I mutter, and I relax my body in order to trick Marcel into putting his guard down even just a little… and it works! As I shove Marcel out of the way, and before he can grab a hold of me, I move quickly upstairs, jumping over steps, giving my feet a little bounce, and using all the stamina I hold to move closer to my target. 

“Fuck!” Marcel yells, and I can hear several feet chasing after me. I make my gateway to the beat of a ringtone, and I can hear Marcel answering his phone, but there’s not much talking as he’s yelling my name alongside Armin. 

Marlowe’s a good set of stairs above me and I feel like shooting randomly at him, but I must remember that I need him alive, therefore I quicken my pace up the steps. There’s a small number on the wall letting me know that I am approaching the 40th floor, and when I look up I see that he glances down at me and pulls out his gun. He doesn’t shoot, maybe he’s doing this to stop me from chasing him, but I still hide away from any possible fire.

“Out of the way!” I yell to Armin and Marcel. Suddenly, Marlowe flings the door open and enters the hotel floor. Once I make it to the door, I rush out to see that he’s impatiently waiting for the elevator. And yes, he panics upon seeing me rushing towards him, and so he moves for the fire extinguisher attached to the wall and yanks it off. He points the nozzle towards me and sprays me with its contents. 

At first, I am bewildered by the action, but then I begin to charge forward, towards his body and begin to throw random punches, until I begin to land them on his pathetic body. Soon, my hands are wrapped around his neck as I slam him against the wall, and he pulls on the fire alarm’s lever as he grips at anything that could get me off him. 

The sound is loud and drowns out all the noise around me. Frankly, it’s disorienting, and he knows this, as he swings the fire extinguisher at me, and hits me on my shoulder hard enough to push me back. My feet take a tumble and I focus on the pain on my shoulder as I grit my teeth and yell, “You fucker!” However, it is then that I notice that he’s in the elevator and the doors are about to close. 

“Shit!” I rush towards the doors and try to stop them from fully closing, nevertheless, it is too late, and they shut. I slam my palms against the hardened doors and I ignore the people peering out their rooms as I press the button for the next elevator. Damn! I have no choice, but to watch the numbers on the elevator to find out what level Marlowe is getting off on. 

“Hey!” Marcel shouts as he makes it out of the stairs and rushes towards me. 

Good thing that it is then that the elevator door opens and I walk backwards into the elevator, before Marcel catches up to me. I hurry inside and I am about to press the button to the top floor, but to my surprise the button is already lit. Marcel is about to enter the elevator, but I kick him out before he can get it, and he’s not looking at me, but at someone behind me. 

“Porco! Stop him!” he yells. 

“Porco? What kind of name is that?” I mutter, and that’s when I hear someone behind me clear their throat. 

“I’m Porco.” 

I freeze at the sound of a male voice, and I slowly turn around to find a slicked haired bastard staring smugly at me… and right behind him is Mikasa. 

**∞**

Eren is here at the hotel. I really can’t believe what Porco just said. He’s here, and the fire alarm doesn’t stop blaring! 

“Mikasa, I’ll be right back, you can stay in here if you want,” Porco shouts over the noise. 

“I’m going with you,” I say equally as loud, as I head towards the door. 

“You can do what you want,” he answers as he holds the door open for me, and as I step out I give him a quiet thanks. 

“Hmm, Reiner might’ve missed them,” he says behind me.

The hallway is empty, which is surprising, because you’d expect people to be curious about the fire alarms going off. 

Porco speaks behind me and says, “This floor is all Reiner’s, everyone’s at the party, so don’t worry about someone seeing us.” 

“Oh, okay. Where is-” 

“Eren? They’re headed upstairs, my guess is that Marlowe is headed to the roof. He knows Annie hangs out there a lot, he’s probably gonna go to her to have her defend him, like the fucking coward he is.” 

“Marlowe?” 

“Oh- yeah... Eren’s chasing him.” 

“What?” 

“I only had a glance at the guy,” Porco says as we enter the elevator, his voice sounds calm even as the fire alarm is blaring loudly against us, “He seems intense. I saw what he did when he rescued you.” 

The elevator doors close and Porco presses a button as I look down remembering the moment he’s referring to, because I can still feel the way Eren’s hands pressed against my body. And suddenly the phantom of his hands roam the body parts he grazed that day as I struggled against the effects of the flash bomb. I can feel my face heating, and I look away from Porco as he leans against the elevator wall, when he asks, “Are you guys a thing?” 

“Uh- no,” I say with a quick shake of my head. 

“Hmm, I thought you were,” he says as he closes his eyes, shoves his hands into his pockets, and leans his head back. 

The elevator makes a whirring sound as it moves, and it prepares to make a stop, and as it does we can hear evident commotion on the other side. 

“What’s going on?” Porco mutters as we wait for the doors to open. 

When they do, Porco pushes himself away from the wall as we both watch in surprise how Eren kicks away the guy who tried to kidnap me… and who I knocked unconscious. Oh- this must be Marcel. 

“Porco! Stop him!” Marcel yells. 

Porco brings two fingers to his forehead in salutation and smirks as we both hear Eren mutter something about Porco’s name and Porco is quick to introduce himself. I have no idea what Eren is wearing, it looks like a costume, and I can’t imagine why he’s wearing that outfit here. 

Eren gives us both a look of bewilderment, as he gawks at both of us, and we all go silent except for Porco. 

“You kicked my brother,” he says bluntly as he crosses his hands over his chest. 

Eren scowls at him and utters, “And what about it?” 

“I didn’t like that,” Porco bites. 

Eren immediately makes the face he’s always made when someone confronts him and I already know that he’s not liking what Porco is telling him. My mind races with the many fights I’ve witnessed Eren partake in, but Eren surprises me this time by not jumping head first into a fight, because usually he’d be throwing punches at Porco by now. 

“Oh,” Eren says calmly as he looks away from us. 

I watch as Porco’s frown digs deeper in between his eyebrows and his fists bunch up at his sides. 

“I’m supposed to stop you,” he mutters. 

“Porco,” I whisper, “Let it go.” 

Eren immediately turns around, and he looks mad. He looks at me for a millisecond, but it’s enough for me to know that he’s going to act on his anger. 

Porco is more than ready to respond to his change in behavior as he puffs out his chest and moves slightly forward. 

“I’m not scared of you bastard,” Eren says as he gets closer to Porco. 

“And you think I am?” Porco snaps. 

They stand in front of each other as they both eye one another with menacing, intimidating eyes. _How did I end up here?_ A part of me wants to turn around and let them have a go at it, but I really don’t want either of them to fight. 

The elevator room seems to get smaller and the air can be cut with a knife with the tension these two are exuding. I don’t mean to do this, but my eyes and Eren’s, meet for a second, and I witness how he slowly scans my face. I don’t know what to do with the way his throat bops as he does this, and I am sure my face is flushed. We both look away from each other, and Porco suddenly chuckles. 

“Hey, Mikasa… I forgot to tell you that you look very, very, lovely tonight,” Porco says smugly. 

“Huh?” I ask, not understanding what he’s trying to do. Nevertheless, this sets something off with Eren because his nostrils flare and he’s about to make the first move to fight, but I quickly put my hand out and hold him in place by pressing on his chest with my palm. 

He doesn’t look at me, but I’m looking at him and I can see the blazing anger behind his green eyes. The elevator doors open to the hallway that leads to the roof of the door, and Eren puts his hand over mine and carefully removes it without looking at me. Slowly, very slowly does he put my hand down and he turns to walk away and let’s my fingers linger for a moment, before he leaves. 

I remain standing in the elevator as Porco walks out behind him. It takes me several long seconds to remember where I am and the lingering burn on my hand from having his hand on mine overtakes my thoughts. _Move Mikasa, move, walk and go stop him from doing something stupid._

I move quickly, and the only thing I see is the way the door leading to the roof slams to a close. _Faster Mikasa, faster!_

It’s the same feeling of that day, when he made this scar on my face, and the same premonition as the night his parents got killed. This same damned feeling, the feeling of foreboding for something awful waiting in the horizon. 

I shut my eyes as I step outside, and I can feel the cold harsh air hit my poorly dressed body when I fully step out. When I open my eyes, I hear the clicking of a gun and it’s Annie extending her hand, pointing it at Eren. 

“Shoot him, Annie!” Marlowe shouts behind her. 

“No…” I mutter and I move to get closer, but Porco holds his hand out to stop me, and shakes his head. 

No one moves, Eren is staring at Marlowe, and it seems that he doesn’t care that Annie is pointing a gun at him. 

“Marlowe, you’re such a fucking wimp,” Annie says in her usual non-expressive voice. 

“Marlowe,” Eren speaks coldly, “You know what you fucking did, you know why I’m here.” 

Marlowe doesn’t speak, he’s frozen under Eren’s stare, and he turns to Annie, “Do it Annie!” 

Annie laughs, “Let me guess, Eren? You chased this idiot all the way here. What do you want from him? Do you want to kill him?” 

She waits for Eren to answer, but when he doesn’t, Annie smirks and sweeps her hair behind her ear, “No… I think I get it now, you probably want to beat him up a little, and what? Tell him to confess?” she laughs, “You want him to go to the police… or before the judge and what? Huh, Eren? You think we’ll allow that? Do you think… I’ll allow that?” 

Marlowe walks behind Annie and desperately mutters, “This is your chance, shoot him, Annie. Isn’t this what you guys want?” 

“Hey, Annie,” Porco says cooly, “Put the gun down.” 

Annie turns to him and then to me, and she doesn’t seem surprised to see me, “Oh look who we have here. Of course you wouldn’t be far. Don’t you have anything better to do?” 

I don’t answer. I can’t bother to care for what Annie thinks. 

“Galliard, you couldn’t handle this on your own?” 

“He runs fast,” Porco responds boredly. 

Annie shrugs and puts her gun inside her sweater’s pocket. Even if the event on the first floor is filled with people dressed in their finest clothes, she still chooses to wear a hooded sweater with jeans. 

She then walks next to Marlowe and waves an inviting hand towards Eren, “Come, come on, take him. Do what you want to do.” 

“Shut the fuck up Annie,” Eren bites. 

Annie snorts, “Hmm, so what the fuck are going to do then?” 

Eren’s stare is daunting as he moves towards Annie, and he doesn’t stop until he’s standing right in front of her. The difference in size and height is clear between them as Annie has to look up to meet his eye, but even then, strength wise, Annie and Eren are equals. 

“Do it then, Annie. Take out your gun and shoot me down right here, right now.” 

Annie smirks, and I can feel my blood run cold when he says this, “Eren…” I whisper. _Why would he say this?_

“Hmm, he’s testing her,” Porco whispers under his breath. 

I bring a hand to my chest as I watch how Annie reaches inside her pocket and I hear the rapping accompanied by the tapping of her fingernails against the gun she carries. 

Eren looks down at the pockets of her sweater and smiles, “If you’re going to do it, just do it, Annie, you think I’m scared?” 

Annie suddenly turns around to look at Marlowe and nods towards Eren, “If you want to live, beat his ass.” 

“Annie, what?” Marlowe asks in shock. 

“Did I fucking stutter?” she says as she walks away, and yawns, “I’m fucking bored anyway, entertain me.” 

Marlowe looks terrified as Eren smiles at him and cracks his knuckles as he approaches him. 

“Shit,” Porco mutters as he walks towards Annie, “Hey, Annie, stop fucking toying with them.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Pock.” 

Porco clicks his tongue and shakes his head, “You’re responsible for this then, you’ll be the one to answer to Reiner.” 

“Yeah, yeah, like I’m scared of that moron,” she says boredly and crosses her arms as she scoffs when she looks at me, “You look ridiculous.” 

“Thanks,” I say. 

Porco suddenly runs in between Eren and Marlowe as he holds his hand out, “Hey, hey, give me your guns, yeah?” 

Eren scoffs and ignores him, but when he sees that Marlowe hands his gun to Porco, he reluctantly follows suit. Porco grabs the guns and walks back to stand next to me, and I can see how Eren looks at us, before he turns to Marlowe. 

“Marlowe, I do want to beat the living shit out you. I really do, but listen, what if you just come with me nicely and we can leave all this behind?” 

It’s the way Eren says this... he doesn’t mean it, he wants to fight Marlowe, but he’s trying to be civil, but at the same time I know he wants to let loose and fight him. 

Marlowe backs away and puts a hand out as he speaks with a fear ladened voice, “E-Eren, please… I-I can’t do that, okay? E-ven if I wanted to.” 

“Oh really?” Eren asks sarcastically. 

Marlowe doesn’t answer and tries to back away from Eren, but suddenly he swings at him and lands a punch straight at Eren’s face. Eren stands there in surprise as a slow trail of blood trickles down his nose. He sniffs as he brings the sleeve of his shirt to wipe the blood off and takes his time looking at it. I know what’s coming, because Eren will never allow something like that to slide, and it is not long before he swings an angry fist at Marlowe’s face. 

“Is this what you want then? Then fuck you!” he grits as he brings Marlowe to the ground with a powerful blow to his stomach.

We watch in horror as Eren throws punch after punch on Marlowe’s face until his knuckles are bloody, and I am about to walk forward, but Porco again stops me. He glances at Annie, and I take notice that Annie’s been watching me the entire time. 

I hear Eren hiss as Marlowe suddenly takes the upper hand and pushes Eren off him by kicking him on his stomach. Eren then doubles over with his hands over his stomach as he tries to throw a punch at Marlowe, but Marlowe blocks it and brings a knee to the same spot he kicked him. 

Eren stands on his knees as he grips the ground with his hands and coughs. He then tries his best to take control of his breathing, but Marlowe is quick to deliver a kick to his gut again and Eren falls to his back. 

“Argh!” he groans painfully. 

I take a hold of Porco’s sleeve and tug at it, “Stop them, or I will.” 

Porco looks at me and I’m sure he sees the conviction in my eyes, as he hisses under his breath.

“Fucking hell,” and he turns to Annie and says, “For fucks sake, Annie, stop this shit.” 

Annie shrugs, “I’m being entertained.” 

Porco lets a palm fall over his face and moves them to cup his mouth as he yells out, “You fucking morons! You look so fucking stupid right now. Especially you, Eren.” 

“Fuck off,” Eren yells out as he head butts Marlowe to the ground. 

Porco runs a hand over his nicely styled hair and it becomes disheveled, but even so, it looks good. 

Annie then scoffs, “Pock, you might be right. This should end already.”

She digs into her pocket and takes out a gun and yells, “There’s a gun, now finish the job!” 

She slides the gun across the ground and both Marlowe and Eren see it and run to it. Eren is the first to get it, but he soon shouts, “Fuck!” as Marlowe suddenly manages to headbutt him on the chest. Eren topples to his back as Marlowe gets a hold of the gun and points it at Eren. 

“I-I will fucking shoot you, I swear!” he stammers as he holds a shaky grip on the hand gun. 

Eren remains on the ground, as he just stares up, unmoving, then suddenly he emotionally mutters, “I... just want my freedom.” 

Marlowe’s lip quivers when his grip on the gun shakes, “Listen, man… I’m sorry, they made me do it.”

Eren’s eyes become glossy as he takes a deep breath and with a pained sigh asks, “Who killed my parents… tell me?” 

Marlowe looks up and he then brings the back of his hand to cover his face, and Eren looks at him incredulously as he sees the tears falling from Marlowe’s face. 

“Hey, Eren… don’t trust-” 

_BANG!_

My heart stops upon hearing a gunshot ring out. On instinct I close my eyes. My heartbeat is beating out of my frigid chest, and I mumble a small prayer before opening my eyes, and when I do open them, I see how Marlowe’s shocked face is trained on Annie, who holds a small hand gun on her hand. She blows on it and calmly puts it away. 

Eren is shocked as he watches the pool of blood spread on Marlowe’s chest and we all turn into frozen statues as we watch as Marlowe topples to the ground. 

“Good luck trying to have a dead corpse confess,” Annie utters under her breath. 

Eren stands up quickly and rushes to Marlowe’s dying body, and even Porco moves to kneel by his side, but not before angrily sniding at Annie, “There was no need for that!” 

“Fuck off,” Annie bites. 

Marlowe chokes and gasps for air as a trail of blood comes out his mouth, and Eren desperately looks at him as he angrily shouts, “You fucker! What the fuck!” 

Marlowe is crying as he clutches to his dying breath, as he whispers his dying words solely to Eren, “I’m sorry, fuck… I really am.” 

“Fuck you,” Eren mutters with a low broken voice, “Fuck you…” and suddenly Marlowe goes still. 

Everyone stands there not knowing what to do as Marlowe’s body remains unmoving and it’s not until Porco moves that he checks Marlowe’s pulse and utters a renounced, “He’s dead.” 

Eren falls back and holds his knees to his chest, and he looks distraught over what just happened. He looks at nothing in particular, but suddenly his eyes snap to Annie and he grits, as he jumps to his feet and rushes towards her. 

“You bitch!” he seethes through his teeth and he’s about to approach her, but she’s quick to pull out her gun and point it at him. 

“Woah, there, not so fast,” she says casually. 

“I fucking told you to shoot, didn’t I? Why don’t you?” Eren shouts. 

Annie sighs and leisurely points the gun at me, “I don’t know… I think I like watching you suffer.” 

“Annie,” Eren mutters, “This has to do with me… stop.” 

Mine and Eren’s eyes meet for a moment, as Annie’s intention to shoot me is clear, but then Porco walks in front of me and calmly says, “Annie, you’ve had enough shooting, don’t you think? Here, give me the gun.” 

He extends his hand and reaches for the gun, but Annie puts the gun in the air and shoots a warning shot to the air. 

“Pock? I think I’m serious here, so you better stay in place if you don’t want to join Marlowe.” 

Porco puts his hands up in the air defensively as he backs away, but the entire time, he’s right in front of me, blocking Annie from possibly shooting at me with his body. 

Eren watches this intently, as he stands up and yells, “Annie! You more than anyone knows that this wasn’t supposed to end like this!” 

Annie clicks the gun and doesn’t bother to look at Eren, “Pock, what the fuck are you doing? Move, yeah?” 

Porco remains in place and yawns, “I’m fucking cold out here, Annie, wanna go inside and get wasted?” 

Annie smirks and uses the gun to point him elsewhere, “Yeah, after you move and let me shoot her.” 

I’ve had enough. I put my hand over Porco’s shoulder and say, “It’s okay, I can handle her.” 

“Oh- she can handle me?” Annie mocks and walks towards me. 

I don’t even bother to answer her, as I swiftly kick my heeled leg upwards in a powerful high kick and hit the hand that holds the gun. Annie doesn’t expect this as she scrambles to get the gun that has skidded away from her. 

I pull down my dress that has now hitched up to my thigh and ignore the gawking stares of Porco and Eren when I turn around. Porco suddenly mutters to me, “Run.” 

It doesn’t take me long to figure why he wants this because Annie soon has the gun in her hand, and she is mad! 

“Shit,” Porco mutters, “That sound…” 

I try to control my loud breathing and try my best to hear what he’s talking about, when suddenly, I hear it. It’s faint, but it’s there. The wails of sirens at the bottom of the building. The police are here. 

“The fucking fire alarm,” Porco grunts. 

Annie’s nostrils flare as her hand bleeds down her wrist. My heel must’ve broken through her skin. Of course, she is angry! 

She points it towards me and shouts, “I’ve always wanted to do this!” 

She points the firearm at me, and I don’t move, but soon there is a warm touch grabbing my hand. And despite the cold air freezing my limbs the warmth that flourishes from the pit of my stomach can’t be ignored as Eren pulls me away. 

I don’t say a word and just let him take me, when I glance back I see a small smile spread on Porco’s face as he watches us off into the door. Nevertheless, I also see Annie moving to follow us, and Eren is suddenly pulling me harder in order to move faster. 

In no time, Eren pushes the heavy door open and it bangs against the wall with a loud thud! He doesn’t look at me and looks straight forward as he grips my hand and enters the staircase room. 

No words are crossed, but the sound of our feet tapping on the endless steps. I don’t know how I’m doing it, but I am succeeding in going down the steps in these awfully uncomfortable heels. 

A couple of flights of stairs later, he is pushing the door open and he is soon pressing the buttons of an elevator. Still, no words are crossed, but our hands are still interlocked. We wait with panting breaths for the elevator doors to open, ignoring the way our sweaty palms press against the other. 

When the elevator doors open we move to enter, and we are both surprised to be met with Armin and Marcel. 

“Eren! Mikasa?” he gasps. 

Immediately, I let go of Eren’s hand and wrap my arms around Armin, bringing him in for a tight hug. 

“Armin! How are you? Are you okay?” I smile at him and look at his face to make sure he’s okay, and he smiles back and whispers, “I’m okay, really.”

I keep looking into his eyes, and he seems earnest about being fine. I then turn to Marcel. I want to thank him for taking care of him, I just know he did! However, Marcel is beat red as he stares at me, and looks away when I smile at him. 

“Your brother told me what you’re doing, I know you guys are with Pieck,” I say. 

Marcel scratches the back of his head and nervously presses the buttons of the elevator.

“Porco told you?” he asks. 

“Yes,” I respond, but then I nervously add, “I’m sorry… for hitting you that day.” 

Marcel chuckles, his nerves seem to have dissipated as he says, “Please, don’t be sorry. I deserved it, I was trying to kidnap you, besides it was just a bump.” 

He seems to relax a little and Armin is quick to add, “Told you she’s not intimidating.” 

_Intimidating?_

“Eren?” Armin asks softly looking behind me, “What are you doing here?” 

Eren is silent, he looks away, and I can feel that he is sad. I don’t think he’s going to talk, but he surprises me by mumbling very quietly, “Where’s Falco?”

Marcel answers him, “I called his brother to pick him up. Why was he here?” 

“I brought him,” Eren whispers.

His voice sounds like it's going to break, and I’m sure that everyone in the room hears it too. 

Armin immediately speaks up, “Eren… Marcel is helping me… us.” 

Eren doesn’t speak, but he looks at Marcel and he almost looks hopeful, his face seems to ask, _How?_ But he still doesn’t speak. This is how he gets when a storm of emotions is brewing inside of him. He’s holding everything in, and he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s hurting. 

I’m so close to ask him if he’s alright, but Marcel speaks before me, “I’m undercover here.” 

“What?” Eren asks genuinely surprised, seemingly being shaken away from his saddened stupor. 

Marcel scratches his head again, “It’s a long story, but the short story is that my brother has a crush.” 

“Pieck,” I whisper. 

Marcel chuckles, “Was he that obvious? I keep telling him, but he doesn’t see it.” He then shakes his head and scratches his temple as he remembers what we’re doing, “Ah, I need to get to the important stuff here. Eren... Armin told me everything, and I think we can help you.” 

Eren is silent as Marcel begins to animatedly talk and he seems genuine as he says, “I have started to record my conversations with Marlowe. I think I am close to having him confess, he did once, but I didn’t know what a big deal that was until Armin came along.” 

Armin quickly adds, “We’re hoping he lets his guard down and confesses, I think we can reopen the case if we present the voice recording. That’s all we need to at least do that, yes we need more evidence, but this is why we wanted you to calm down and not fight him, but you chased him around-”

“Marlowe’s dead,” Eren interrupts. 

The room goes silent, and the air is heavy with shock and surprise at Eren’s statement. They were obviously not expecting this. 

“W-what?” Armin gasps, “How?” He looks at Eren with concern as he asks, “Eren… did you kill him?” 

Eren doesn’t answer and looks away. 

“No…” I answer instead, “It was Annie.” 

Out of nowhere the elevator stops with a jolt. It doesn’t move and we all look around in surprise, when Marcel laughs nervously, “Annie is probably mad.” 

My face probably says it all, because Marcel stares at me and says, “Don’t tell me you gave her a taste of her own medicine?” 

I don’t answer, and that’s basically me saying yes. 

“We should be expecting her then…” Marcel mutters, “She’s probably stopping the elevator just so she can wait for you at the next floor.” 

Armin looks concerned, he frowns and I just know he’s thinking about a plan already. 

“What are you thinking?” Eren mutters. 

Armin looks at the top of the elevator and murmurs, “We get off at a different floor.” 

We all look up to where Armin is looking and no one has to ask about what Armin has in mind. 

**∞**

I’m pulling Armin to the top of the elevator through the opening vent. He smiles at me, but I don’t know how to answer him and just grasp his forearms tighter as I pull him up. 

“Thanks, Eren.” 

“Yeah,” I respond. 

Armin looks around the dark enclosed area and he’s muttering something to himself. When I look down, Mikasa is in the process of pulling herself out of the opening, and I glare at Marcel, who is looking away rather taking advantage of the situation by glancing below her dress. Good, maybe he’s not that bad. 

This is easy for Mikasa, she has no trouble getting out of the vent, but when she tries to step up, I watch how the bottom of her dress catches with those painful looking shoes she’s wearing, and she yelps as she almost falls back inside. 

But, I won’t let that happen, _I won’t let her fall._

My arms stretch and get a firm grasp as I pull her body towards mine. She looks up at me with wide eyes, but she quickly looks away. It takes me several moments to realize that I am holding her, and there’s so much going on in my head, but with her body pressed with mine, it all seems to disappear. 

I force my hands to let her go and the empty feeling of her leaving me leaves a hole in my chest. I’m about to ask her if she’s okay, but Marcel interrupts me. 

“Hey, can I get a lift here?” 

“Uh- yeah,” I stutter and bend down to reach for Marcel and with one swift lift I pull him to us. 

We all look up around the area we’re in, when suddenly we hear someone trying to force open the elevator. 

“Quick!” Armin whispers, put the vent back. 

Marcel and I are quick to take the vent and put it quickly back on. 

Armin puts his finger to his mouth and looks at us as he points down. 

“No one move,” he says quietly. 

We stand frozen as we hear someone inside the elevator; a murmur of voices is heard beneath us, and the distinct blasé tone of Annie’s voice stands out. 

“Where the fuck are they?” she asks annoyed. 

“Why are you asking me?” Porco asks. 

“Fuck, I need ice for this hand.” 

“That’s what you get for pointing guns at people.” 

“Galliard? Shut up.” 

It sounds like they are about to leave, but then Annie says, “Wait, let me make sure of something,” and suddenly a shot is fired through the roof of the elevator. 

Shit. The bullet was close to my foot, a few more inches and I would’ve been shot. 

I look up and everyone is wide-eyed with surprise and fear as the hole where the bullet rang through smokes.

I put my finger to my mouth and make a movement with my hands to let them know that I’m alright.

Armin holds his hands over his mouth, Marcel can’t stop gawking at the hole, but Mikasa… she looks calm, serene even, and that alone is enough for me to know that everything is alright. 

“What do we do, Armin?” I ask.

“I was thinking we would wait for the elevator to move and we could get off at the next floor.” 

“We can do that,” I say. 

Armin gives one quick nod and smiles at me when I say this, and just this once I allow myself to smile back at him. 

The elevator moves, and as it does, I can’t stop thinking about Marlowe’s lifeless body at the roof of the hotel, and how everything died when he did. _He was my only chance to open my case… my last chance at freedom._

Everyone plants a firm grip on the elevator top to avoid falling, but it’s still a little disorienting as the box jolts to a start. We then go through many floors on the elevator, people go in and out, and therefore, I use the hole of the bullet to see when the elevator is empty. 

When it is, I signal them and say, “Now.” 

Marcel quickly moves to remove the vent and Armin is the first to jump, then him. I hold my hand out for Mikasa to help her climb down, and I wait like a marble statue as she hesitates to take my hand because I know she doesn’t need it. Yet, my heart stumbles on itself as I wait for her to take it, and when she does, I breathe. 

Once she’s safely on the ground, I stall for a bit on top of the elevator trying to collect myself before joining them again. _It’s so easy_ , I think. I held her hand just like old times. It was Mikasa and me again. 

_But… is it really like old times? Does she want to hold my hand? Does she want to bother with me? She had a gun pointed at her because she followed me here! What life can I offer her… especially now? Fuck._

Soon, I join them and I don’t look at anyone and just stare at the blurry reflection on the metal doors of the elevator. 

_I can’t have her. I can never be half of the man she deserves._

Besides, I ruined whatever Armin and Marcel had planned. If only I didn’t act so hastily, Marlowe would still be alive. I would have my ticket to the life I want, and I would have a reason to tell Mikasa that she looks beautiful tonight. 

“Eren?” Armin asks. 

I don’t look at him and remain in place. 

“Eren…” he repeats, “We’ll find another way.” 

_Another way?_ There’s no other way, no other fucking way! Why do they not see that? The only thing I can do is destroy those who harmed me and took my freedom away from me! 

“Reiner’s at the party, isn’t he?” I say flatly. 

“What?” Armin asks, surprised.

“The police and firefighters are here, I don’t know if you knew that,” Marcel adds. 

I don’t answer and continue to stare at my distorted reflection on the elevator’s metal doors. Without looking at them I press the button to the floor where the party is being held because I know that bastard must be there. 

I feel Armin tug at my sleeve, and he says, “Eren? We can figure this out together, we’re right here.” 

“There is only one way out of this,” I grit, meaning every word of it. 

Marcel moves closer to me and I can feel his presence become intimidating, which is strange coming from someone like him. 

“I won’t let you do what you want to do, Eren. We have been working on this case for far too long, just for you to come in and ruin it,” he says. 

“Don’t you think Reiner dying will fix everything?” I spit. 

My hopelessness has turned to anger, and there’s a tremble beneath my skin as I feel the anger surge. 

“Eren,” Marcel says sternly, “There is an entire web across the country, if Reiner falls, then someone else takes over. We need this to be a case so every single corner they operate in is investigated and falls! My brother and I have been risking our lives here, and so has Pieck!” 

He moves to stand before me and I don’t know what to say, he carries this authority I didn’t catch on before, and he might be right, but right now… I don’t care. 

Suddenly, the doors open, having stopped to let someone in and I take this as my chance to run out, and as I do, I hear someone call my name, but I ignore it. No one is going to stop me. I am killing Reiner, that’s what I really want right now. That’s what my mind keeps repeating, at least.

I step out of the elevator and run down the hallway when I hear an unwelcome voice shout at me.

“There you are fucker!”

I turn around and see Annie on the other side of the hallway. The elevator door remains open and Annie gets closer to the opening, and a rising panic takes over me as I fear the worst. 

Out of nowhere, Marcel is thrown out the elevator just as Annie is about to reach the opening, and he crashes into her. This has Armin written all over it. 

“Annie!” Marcel shouts, as he turns back, “They’re getting away!” 

He stands up and he pretends to reach for the elevator doors before they close, but he is too late. I then see the number attached to the hallway, and I’m not far from reaching the bottom floor, as I’m only on the third floor. 

I run to the now familiar stairs again, and it’s only a few floors until I can reach the bottom. Annie is not far from me though as I hear her angry shouts at my tail. 

“Come here you fucker!” she shouts. 

“Fuck you!” I shout back and continue my escape. I am almost at the first floor. Marcel did a good job at keeping her away from Armin and Mikasa. I owe him one. 

When I finally make it out of the staircase there’s a lot of people in the hallway. I can see the lights of the firetruck outside the hotel, and there are many people telling those who wanted to evacuate to go back to their rooms. 

It’s really hard for me to walk around and I am shoving my way through the crowds of people as they all make their way back to the elevators. 

I then stand on my tippy toes to look over the hoards of people. I need to figure out where to go, and where to find him. I’m killing Reiner tonight, someone is getting a bullet shot through them for sure. 

“Excuse me,” I say gruffly against the many blurry faces that are in my way. Someone then bumps into me roughly and shouts, “Look, where you’re fucking going!” 

The crowd is so loud around me, but that doesn’t stop me from catching the superiority in the tone of voice addressing me. 

“Fuck off!” I yell as we both turn around, my intention is to tell them off, but to my pleasant surprise I see the person I am looking for right in front of me. 

“Eren,” Reiner says smiling. 

“Just the piece of trash I was looking for,” I say, returning his mocking smile. 

The noise of the crowd becomes a distant roar in the background. I meet with Reiner’s cold eyes once again and I can feel my handgun resting against my hip, heavily. 

“If you’re going to shoot me, do it right now,” he says casually. 

“Just watch me,” I respond. 

Reiner continues to smile and walks towards me, “Yes, please, Eren. Do it right here, right now, in front of all these people. After that you will be stuck in the coldest, dampest jail cell, while remembering me for the rest of your pitiful days.” 

“I don’t care,” I say, “I have two bullets.” 

Reiner chuckles, “Yeah, I get it… you don’t care what happens to you, but will you live with yourself when Mikasa and Armin get hurt? You know… I told Annie to not do anything to Mikasa, because the only wrong she’s done is be your friend, but I might just change that.” 

“Those two are nothing to me,” I say. 

“Hm, well you do pay for Armin’s school.” 

“What?” I mutter. 

Reiner smiles and shrugs his lips, “Don’t act stupider than you are, I know you’ve been paying for his education. Oh, and look at that!”He nods his head forward and grins brightly, “Mikasa is right over there!” 

I turn to where he’s looking and in fact Mikasa is making her way through the crowd. She’s not hard to miss, she’s a vision in red. _She’s unmissable._

Reiner swiftly takes out his phone and holds it against his ear. He continues to look at Mikasa and not once does he stare at me. 

“Annie, Mikasa’s heading towards the exit, you can do what you want with her. I don’t care anymore.” 

He stares at me as he puts his phone away, but he then stares back at Mikasa. **_Shit!_ **

My chest becomes constricted, my breathing becomes shallow, and I draw my eyes to a deadly stare and say, “Mikasa, has nothing to do with me.”

Reiner laughs, _really laughs._

“You expect me to believe that?” he mocks. 

“Like I give a damn what you believe!” I grit. 

“It looks like you do. And you know what I’m going to do, Eren?” 

He waits for me to answer and drums his fingertips against his chin, and when he sees that I don’t speak, he smugly raises his eyebrows and calmly says, “I’m going to stand here and wait for Annie to call me to confirm that she’s killed Mikasa, and I will watch you stand here, since you don’t care so much. Right?” 

I don’t answer and he crosses his arms and again laughs. What the hell is wrong with him? 

I try to remain idle and try my best to not break eye contact with him, but the knowledge of Annie prowling for Mikasa, doesn’t allow me to continue this, and soon my eyes betray me. It’s quick, but Reiner notices and immediately pulls me forward. 

“You’ll stay right here with me, Eren.” 

I pull back and try to shove him away, but he takes a hold of my face and brings his lips close to my ears to whisper, “Now, you will know the pain of losing someone you love.” 

“No, I won’t.” 

I feel him pull me forward and I catch the glint of a knife coming out of his sleeve. I move myself back, but he pulls me forward, and this is getting me pissed off at him. 

“Fuck off, Reiner!” I hiss.

I am about to leave, when I feel the edge of the knife graze my side. I groan at the dull sting puncturing above my hip, and when I look down, there’s blood beginning to appear on my shirt. However, I don’t think it’s bad, I’ll probably need stitches, but it was just a surface level wound. 

“You should have better aim,” I bite. 

Reiner is about to jab his knife at me again, but we are shoved to the side by a cart filled with cleaning supplies. 

“Oh no!” a small, droopy eyed woman shrieks. 

She stops the cart and runs to Reiner and holds her hands over her mouth as she continues to apologize, “I am so sorry! The crowds of people just make it hard to walk!” 

I smile at Reiner, and take this distraction to leave, and he’s about to follow, but this woman is pushy!

“Mr. Braun, please, please don’t tell my manager. I need this job!” 

“Yes,” Reiner hisses, and tries to push her away, but not before the lady says, “Mr. Braun, thank you. Thank you!” 

And by the time she lets Reiner leave, I am out of his reach. 

I must be imagining this, but did that lady just wink at me? Nevermind that, where is Mikasa? I need to find her before Annie gets a hold of her. 

I walk ahead, and I look everywhere, good thing there are less people walking around and so it can be easier to find her. 

“Where is she?” I mutter. 

“Eren!” 

I turn around to find Marco pushing his way through the crowd, as he continues to call my name. 

Marco? What’s he doing here?

He quickly catches up to me, and he looks mad. 

“Eren! What are you doing?” 

“What are you doing here?” I ask. 

He takes out the letter I had left him and holds it to my face. 

“This! I’ve told you over and over again that there is an investigation, we are getting to the bottom of this, and you can’t be running-” 

“I can’t hear this right now, I have to look for Mikasa.” 

“Mikasa?” Marco asks, “She’s here?” 

“Yes, and Annie is trying to kill her!” 

“What?” he asks, shocked. 

“I’m sorry Marco, but I have to go.” 

Marco holds my arm to stop me and he looks down at my shirt, “You’re bleeding.” 

“It’s just a graze.” 

He continues to look at my wound and he then looks me in the eye. 

“Jean’s here.” 

“Jean? Why?” 

Marco doesn’t answer me and says, “Come on, let’s go look for Mikasa. Let’s split up, I’ll look this way, and you look that way.” 

I turn back and see that Reiner is nowhere to be seen. Where the fuck did he go? 

I give Marco a shaky nod and we move. 

“Reiner… I don’t see him,” I tell Marco. 

Marco sighs, and takes his walkie out, “Jean, keep an eye out for Reiner, he knows they’re here.” 

It is quiet for a few moments, and all that’s heard is a long sigh as he says, “Fine, I’ll be on alert.” 

Marco sighs, and tells me, “Come on, let’s go.” 

“Yeah,” I say. 

And the two of us hurry in search for Mikasa. 

**∞**

“Eren,” I say absentmindedly, but he’s gone… like always. 

“He’s gone,” Marcel says, “Does he always do that?”

“Yes,” Armin and I answer simultaneously. 

Marcel looks at us with wide eyes and shrugs his lips, “Ah, okay.” 

Nevertheless, his eyes and ours, go wide when we hear Annie’s voice shouting through the hallway. 

Armin doesn’t hesitate, and he tells me, “Mikasa, throw Marcel out!” 

“What?” Marcel and I stammer. 

Armin looks at us with determination, “Do it, now.” 

Marcel closes his eyes and nods, for a moment, I see a tiny smile cross his face as I grab him by his clothes and throw him out as gently as I can, which in the end is not gentle at all. 

We watch as he topples over Annie and how he makes a poor attempt at getting through the closing doors of the elevator. 

I get a hold of Armin’s shoulder and smile at him, “We’re getting out of here, Armin.” 

Nevertheless, Armin looks at me and his eyes tell of something brewing within his thoughts. 

“Armin?” I ask. 

“I’m not leaving,” he says. 

‘What? Why?” 

“I want to help bring down Reiner too, I know I can do it Mikasa… I’m sorry, but I have to be caught again.” 

“Armin? I can’t… I can’t let you run such a huge risk.” 

“Mikasa, this is the reason I am becoming a lawyer, I want to bring justice to those whose freedom is taken, I want to help-” 

“Eren,” I finish his sentence. 

“Yes,” Armin says, “But I also want to end the way Reiner exploits all those minors, Mikasa… he uses his own cousin to lure those poor girls into his web. She can be a powerful witness, but she admires Reiner so much. She looks at him as if he were a hero, and I just don’t know how to convince her! But I will, somehow, someway, I will, and for that I must remain here.” 

“Armin…” I hesitate, “I…” I close my eyes, and immediately regret what I am about to say, “If… if you think it’ll help those victims… fine.” 

“I’ll be fine, I promise… but we must do something about Eren, we have to stop him. If he kills Reiner, then he will be a murderer, he can be locked up for life!” 

“Armin, I know that, don’t you think I know,” I look at him in earnest and my voice wavers as I speak, “He pushed me away all those years ago... and every time we’re in the same room, something in me breaks. I’m not even able to look him in the eyes! How... do I save someone that’s been my torturer after being my savior?” 

Armin casts his eyes down and he wears a sad smile, as he says, “He’s still our friend, isn’t he? He acts like he doesn’t need our help, but I know he does. You don’t have to be there as his savior, but you can be there as Mikasa… his friend.” 

The elevator doors open and we both stare at the moving crowds of people as he says, “Let’s split up right here, when they take me, I don’t want them taking you, too.” 

I narrow my eyes at Armin, and give him a quick nod. I think this is enough, but soon, I am pulling him in for a tight hug and whispering into his ear, “Please, be careful, and take care.” 

Armin suddenly stops and says, “Mikasa… we’ll get through this together, all three of us.”

“Hmm!” I agree. 

He gives me an easy going smile, assuring me that everything will be okay, and he goes on his way, until I can’t see his blonde hair anymore. 

Quickly, I make my way through the crowd trying to get out of here. “Armin will be fine,” I assure myself over and over again, in a string of mutters under my breath.

I heave a heavy sigh, and I am almost out of here, but I suddenly feel the now familiar feeling of a gun pressing to my back. “Keep walking,” Annie mutters. 

“Aren’t you tired?” I ask her. 

“Doesn’t matter how I feel. Now, just shut up and keep walking,” she hisses. 

“I heard you,” I mutter. 

“Into the hallway,” Annie instructs. 

I really have no choice, I’m tangled up here, there’s so many people here, and if she shoots me here, what other innocent bystander could she shoot in a moment of rage? 

We twist and turn through several people in the crowd until we make it to a scattered hallway that’s slowly becoming empty. There’s just a group of girls hanging around and laughing at their own inside jokes, and you can tell Annie is annoyed and wants them out. 

“Stupid girls,” she mutters underneath her breath. 

Annie still holds the gun to my back and I hear her pulling the safety of the gun. _This is it_ , I think. She’s going to shoot me. 

“I guess we’re traumatizing those girls tonight.” 

I don’t have to look at her to know she’s wearing a smirk, she’s going to do this, isn’t she? 

“Annie,” I say, “You get nothing by killing me.” 

“There’s nothing in this world that I want anyway.” 

Suddenly, we are interrupted. 

“Annie, stop!” 

I can’t turn around to see who it is, but there’s no need. I can recognize him everywhere and anywhere I go.

“I was wondering where you were,” she says, “You’re here right on time.” 

I want to turn around, but I feel the tip of the gun press harder on my back, I can already feel the bruise that is forming on my skin and I groan as she continues her assault. 

“Annie,” Eren says, and I can hear the way his voice cracks when he addresses her, “Let Mikasa go. It’s me you want, for fuck’s sake, you can even torture me, but please let her go.” 

Annie begins to cackle, “You fuck, still the same, aren’t you? I fucking new it.” 

Annie suddenly hits me on my side with the gun and I flinch and hunch to my side at the feel of the pain. 

“Drop the weapon!” I hear another familiar voice speak. Marco's. 

Marco? He’s here? 

“Don’t tell me what to do?” Annie snaps. 

“Police. And I am asking you to drop your weapon now!” Marco shouts. 

“What?” Annie says, “No.” 

I feel her tug me forward and though she’s small, she wraps her forearm around my neck and puts the gun to my head. 

“Stay back!” Annie says. 

Finally, I can see Eren, and the look he has is one of utter panic. His eyes are wide and there’s a sheen of sweat forming at his forehead, it looks like his words are caught at his throat, and I force myself to look calm, because I don’t want him to blame himself, in case something happens to me. 

It is then that Annie tugs me down again and grabs a fistful of my hair, forcing my head back. 

“Argh,” I involuntarily say as the side of my head becomes riddled with the sharp pain of the cold metal gun pressing against it. Eren’s about to step forward, but from my side vision I can see how Annie’s finger lingers on the gun’s trigger. He suddenly freezes. 

His eyes become glossy as he meets my eyes and I swear he’s about to cry. But, suddenly… his eyes fleet behind Annie, and I feel the gun fall to the ground as Annie yells. 

“I’ve got her!” Jean yells. 

Marco moves forward and helps Jean, but he is immediately kicked in the stomach, and he topples to the ground. Marco then groans as he looks up at Eren and I, “Get her out of here Eren!” 

We don’t move, but then Annie jumps up and hits Jean on his chin and he manages to hold her with one hand, but who knows how long he can hold her for!

“Come on!” Eren says, and he takes my hand and leads me out of the hallway and towards the now sparse crowd of people. I grip his hand and squeeze as I see how Annie breaks free of Jean’s grip and she scrambles to the ground to get her gun. 

“Eren!” I yell, and I am now the one taking the lead and rushing to the exit of the hotel. Something’s wrong with him. He looks winded and like he needs to rest. But, we are so close to getting out of here, so, so close, and I can already feel the cold air cooing us towards it. I just can't stop running. 

The cold air punches me in my face, as I try to get myself used to this cold. Nevertheless, the warmth that the grip of his hand exudes, keeps me warm on its own. Where we’re headed, who knows? And I don’t have the head to ask. I’m about to stop walking, but he soon says, “Come on, this way.” 

“Ahh!” 

We both turn to look at Annie who is out of the hotel and she’s looking everywhere for us, until she finally sees us. 

“Where do we go?” I ask Eren. 

He doesn’t answer me, and instead continues to lead me across the street. There’s nothing here, but a motorcycle carelessly parked on the curve. I don’t think much about it, but then I hear keys jingling from Eren’s hand, and my hand slides out of his as I watch him swing his leg over the seat. 

“A motorcycle?” I say in surprise. 

“Annie!” Jean shouts. 

Both Eren and I turn to look at Annie who is making her way towards us, and Eren starts the motorcycle and looks at me while holding his hand out, “Come on, let’s go,” he yells over the engine noise. 

My head is swimming, as I stare at his awaiting open palm. I look back at a charging Annie, then back at Eren’s palm, and the choice is clear, because soon I am wrapping my hand around his hand and, I swing my leg over the seat. 

“Hold on,” he says. 

I stare at his back and he revs the engine. On instinct, I jump at the sound, never have I been on a motorcycle and this night has already been so disorienting that I can’t control how my body reacts. 

“You have to hold on to me,” he says quietly, despite the loud noise. 

“Okay…” I whisper, and I wrap my arms around his torso. My arms are loose around him, but when the motorcycle begins to move, I squeeze his torso tight. Maybe, it's just me, but he groans... in pain. I can't dwell for too long on what I think is going on with him, because the cold air against my face is so freezing that I must hide my face in the expanse of his back. 

It's overwhelming to say the least. His body heat, his scent, him. Eren. 

It's like he's overtaking all my senses and making me his own just by letting me press against his back. _I can't do this. I can't let myself be overtaken by him._

Therefore, I force myself to look behind me, and I see how the hotel begins to get smaller and soon, Eren turns a corner and I can’t see it anymore. I’m so tired, so tired… _so alive._

I don't know what it is. _The night? The air? Him?_ But I hang my head back and stare at the tall buildings surrounding us, and the sky is so dark that when I close my eyes it looks like I’m still staring at the sky.

Where are we going? Who knows? I don’t care… as long as it’s with him... _I don't care._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I finally updated! I've gotten busier this month, and chapter releases will be slower :(  
> I will try my best to update, but please don't think I am done with the story. I will update, just be patient. 
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading, thank you for your comments, and as always ship EM!


	11. Safe and Sound

The only sound that can be heard is the motorcycle’s rumbling engine. The streets are empty, except for a few scattered cars driving this late into the night. It’s past midnight, at least I think it is. It might be 2 a.m. 3 a.m. who knows…  _ who knows.  _

Does it matter what time it is? Does anything else matter? 

Right now, I can be cold, I could be the coldest person in the world, but her arms are around me. I don’t feel cold at all, it’s not that I don’t, but I can’t… not even on this cold night, I’m simply unable to. 

Still, there is a voice so quietly murmuring to me that I screwed up. 

_ Screw up. Screw up. Screw up! _

This same voice tells me to let Mikasa go, to quit her and to go crashing into a burning fire all on my own.

The voice is right, but there’s something in me that can’t let her go. I should be stronger and not have the need to have her by my side, but here I am. She’s here, but she’s not here. She’ll be gone, and I will remain behind. This is a losing game, for me at least... it will be. 

_ Where do I go?  _ I can go back to Marco’s apartment. She can go inside her room, close the door, and I’ll go into my room wondering what she’s doing and what she’s thinking. I can do that and keep things just how they are, but the feeling of this night air makes me not want to end this day.

Can’t I just have her like this for a little while longer? Just this night, can’t I remain by her side? Can’t I let these roads take me, with her holding on to me, to somewhere only the moon will know? 

I grip the handlebars and rev the engine once more, and the way she tightens her arms around my torso, makes it all worthwhile. What is this? Where… where will this end? Whatever it is this is, wherever it is we left off. What are we? 

I keep going straight, moving past the repeating faces of tall buildings and endless asphalt. And she holds on. She grips at my torso as I make turns every now and then, and involuntarily presses herself against me as I stop for the many red lights that come across us. I am grateful. 

I have no idea where I am going and all I’m doing is begging the road to never end. 

I want to be on cloud nine right now, with her being so close to me, but I am tied to the ground, held down by the weight of Marlowe’s dead body, which rests heavy on my mind.

There’s no escape, is there? There’s nothing I can do, except sink lower and lower until I am touching the bottom of the seabed of the ocean I am chained to. What the hell am I going to do? What can I do? Walking on empty with nowhere to go? Everything… everything is gone. 

“It’s all gone…” I involuntarily whisper under my breath. 

I don’t think she hears me, especially with the motorcycle noise surrounding us, but then she suddenly says, “Look, there’s a park over there.” 

She extends her arm and points at an angle and I look at her, and then follow to where her finger aims. 

“Huh?” I utter, and see how there is in fact a park. 

“It’s Battery Park,” she whispers. 

She doesn’t say anything after that, but she wants to go, I’m certain. And all I want is to spend more time with her, so it’s not difficult to make up my mind as I turn my motorcycle towards an empty spot near the park. 

It’s then that I can feel the way her body goes rigid as I stop the bike and turn off the engine. When I do, there is a silence that overtakes the night and we just sit there, not knowing what to do with it, when suddenly I say, “Come on.” 

I get off the bike, and hold my hand out for her and she stares up at me with these wide, shocked eyes. I don’t think she’s going to take it, but then she clears her throat and gives me a downcast look as she takes my hand into her’s. 

I continue to look at her and she continues to look at her feet as she steps out of the motorcycle’s seat, nevertheless, once she’s off, she let’s go of my hand. The disappointment in my eyes must be clear, but she ignores it, and makes her way to a bench overlooking the Hudson River. 

I stand idle for a moment, until I turn and follow her with the scraping of my feet close behind her. 

She stands in front of a bench and looks back at me as she sits down. The night is quiet, and the sound of her dress shimmying upon contact with the bench is the only sound cutting through this silence. Even so, I take her glance as an invitation to keep her company. That’s all I’ll be doing right now, keeping her company. 

I sit on the other end of the bench, away from her, trying hard to look at the rhythmic waves of the river water ahead of me, but when she makes a sound to speak, I freeze. 

“Look,” she says, “The Statue of Liberty.” 

Like a fool, I look at her first, and then follow her gaze to the monument she’s looking at. 

“Yeah,” I whisper in awe of the famous statue. Freedom that’s what it symbolizes, and how ironic that I am seeing this and don’t have the slightest ounce of freedom within me. 

I sigh and move, but I let out a groan as the light jabbing pain where Reiner cut me, stings. 

Mikasa is quick to notice, and she stares directly at the wound, glaring at the blood that sticks to my shirt. 

She’s about to open her mouth, but immediately I say, “It doesn’t hurt.” 

“Oh,” she whispers, and suddenly she’s fighting what seems to be one of her rare smiles as she says, “You should still get it looked at.” 

“Y-yeah,” I stutter, “I will.” 

“Good,” she says softly. 

The water hitting the shore continues to fill the space between her and I, but it’s not weird or awkward… it’s comfortable… a comfortable silence that’s always been shared between her and I. 

In the moments of this happening, she releases a deep sigh and continues to stare at the water, or is it at the statue, or the sky? I’m not sure.  _ What is she thinking?  _

_ What are those dark eyes hiding?  _

The curiosity that’s always existed within me when it comes to her, takes over, and before I can stop myself from speaking, I murmur her name in a gentle breath that rivals the rustling of the leaves that blow in the breeze. 

“Mikasa…” 

_ Silence.  _

But then… everything settles and the low soft timber of her voice emerges. 

“Yes,” she murmurs. 

_ Silence. Heart beating loud against my chest, silence.  _

Marlowe’s dead, I remind myself. He’s dead and gone, and there is nothing in this world that helps me clear my name.  _ Nothing that can make a future with her possible.  _

She doesn’t look at me and continues to look straight forward. There’s so much I want to tell her, so many words held at the tip of my tongue, but when I open my mouth, nothing comes out. There’s nothing for me to hold on to, nevertheless, I continue to speak. 

“Mikasa…” I repeat, and I gulp, because it’s so hard to keep what I’m holding deep within me any longer. 

_ I can’t do this. _ I can’t! I stand up quickly, but the pain is sharp at my side, and I wince a muttering curse, as I hold on to my side. 

“Eren…” she says gently, “Sit down.” 

The pain I feel isn’t enough to distract the ache in my heart when she says this, damn…  _ this isn’t fair.  _

“You’re bleeding,” she says. 

“It’s nothing, I’m fine,” I lie. 

She doesn’t say anything after that, however, I still sit down, lean against the bench, and look straight ahead. I don’t even have the courage to look at her, especially the way she looks tonight. 

This is how it’s going to be with us, isn’t it? Silence, silence, and more silence. Nothing more and nothing less. 

“Eren…” 

My body goes rigid, she’s calling me by my name.  _ Mikasa… I don’t know what to say, or what to talk about. Please, don’t Mikasa… don’t say something that’s going to make the sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach pull me down any further.  _

“Close your eyes,” she whispers. 

I look to the stars for a brief glance, almost in prayer, something I never dare do, and I hold a breath in as I close my eyes. 

_ I then wait. I anticipate. I yearn. I breathe.  _

Seconds, hours, days, years pass, as I wait. 

Suddenly, my eyes twitch when the touch of skin on skin is nothing but a gentle kiss, as her hand slides on top of mine. I let it sit there for a moment. I let myself savor the feel of her skin on mine and I turn my hand over, so my palm can rest on top, and intertwine my fingers with hers. My eyes remain closed. Her hand is on mine, underneath all of this. 

Why does it feel like someone has stuck a dagger into my heart in a field of flowers? _ Is this what my love for her is? A field of flowers marred by blood?  _ No… it isn’t. My love for her is pure, clean, the only thing that has kept me from going insane. My love for her shouldn’t be. Someone like me, loving someone like her… it shouldn’t make sense. So… why do I hold her hand like I’m holding on to more? 

_ I love her. _ Damn it! I fucking love her. 

When was the last time she held my hand? 

When I flutter my eyes open, and I look down at my hand, I can’t help but wonder... What have my hands been doing all this time before they were holding her hand? 

I don’t have an answer.

It’s dark out here, except for the dimly lit lamp posts surrounding the park, and that alone makes me feel like a ray of sun has hit me and illuminated me. 

_ I’m not alone,  _ I think. She’s right here, but she shouldn’t…  _ she shouldn’t.  _ Still, I hold on. 

I hold on to that string that ties me to her, but for how long,  _ for how long? _ If I didn’t chase Marlowe, if I didn’t act on impulse, this moment right here, underneath the city lights would have an entirely different meaning. 

“It’s all my fault,” I rasp. 

My hand is frozen, immobile over the frenzied emotion that’s rooted inside me.  __

All I can do is melt as a shudder rips through me and I want to talk, but all I can do is close my mouth as I try to stop myself from crying. 

I won’t cry, I won’t let this feeling take over me. Nevertheless, there’s not much more that I can take and suddenly it’s like a glass of water that’s been overfilled and tipped over. All I can do is let my tears fall down my miserable face, because my hands…  they haven’t forgotten about that day at the beach. 

That day our hands interlocked underneath the sand before the setting sun, and after all those years, here we are again, this time in front of the Statue of Liberty on some uncomfortable bench, holding hands. 

Holding her hand, reaching for her touch, I just want to stay right here. 

Why do I feel like this? Why does it feel like everything is going to be okay with her hand inside mine. 

At this moment, I am not a broken boy, but a man who feels whole. I know her, she knows me. The touch of home is at the tip of her fingertips, and the cold, hard, chip of ice finally melts. 

“It’s all my fault,” I shudder, “All my fucking fault.” 

She squeezes my hand as I weep and just her being here with me, is enough for me to think that things can one day be okay, even if the feeling will only last for this night. 

I look at her with a broken heart and a pocket filled with shattered dreams and the tears don’t stop streaming down my face. 

“Mikasa… I don’t want to be alone,” I whimper as my voice trails off into a gravel filled sigh. 

“Eren,” she says, “I’m right here.” 

**∞**

I want everything back. His wild spirit, his endless laughter, the eyes that held a constellation of stars. Where did he go? Where has time taken him and left me? I want him to tell me so I can go get him. Let me plead my case to have Eren back… but I don’t ask him these questions. I don’t rain questions down on him, because he doesn’t need them. Not now. 

Instead, I just let him cry on this cold bench overlooking the Statue of Liberty. 

“I’m right here,” I tell him. 

I squeeze his hand and the quiver of his shoulders send a tremble straight to my aching soul. 

“I can’t do this any longer…” he tearfully confesses, “I just want to disappear.” 

There’s a tear that fights to remain in its place. Also, why do I find myself smiling at him? Why do I want to tell him that I don’t want him to disappear? And if he does disappear, why do I want to disappear with him? 

_ You will follow wherever he goes because you love him,  _ a voice echoes in my head.

“I’ll always be here,” I suddenly whisper in promise to both of us. 

He looks at me with riddled red veined eyes and blinks, “No… you won’t.” 

I look to his eyes and they are wide and candid with a heartbreaking rawness that causes me to hiccup when I say, “I’m here, right now.” 

I squeeze his hand once more, and when he grips my hand into his and moves it to rest on his lap, I let him. 

“If I didn’t chase him, Armin and Marcel could’ve-”

“Armin is smart…” I interrupt, “There’s going to be a way, he’ll think of one, I’m sure.” 

He doesn’t respond, but the grip of his hand remains the same. He shakes his head and looks down, nevertheless I tug his arm lightly and whisper, “It’s cold.” 

Slowly, he looks up and turns to me as he mutters, “You don’t like to be cold.” 

“I don’t.” 

His mouth curls into a sideways smile and he scoffs, “I know you don’t... you never have.” 

My heart pounding against my ears overtakes the sound of the ebb and flow of the water. 

“Are you cold?” He asks. 

I shake my head, “I’m fine.” 

“We can leave if you’re cold,” he insists. 

Leave? Why would I want to leave? 

“No,” I say determined. 

His eyes widen for a moment and the tiny sigh of relief that escapes him trips the beat of my heart for a brief second. 

His hand and my hand are still intertwined… fine, just for this night I’ll let it be, just for tonight,  _ we _ can be. 

I don’t want to have the need to be here, but here I am feeling like the puzzle piece that’s been missing has found its way. 

_ If he loves you… he will come back to you.  _

If he loves me, he will come back to me. He will come back to me and stay. 

I want to ask him so much… Like, why didn’t he answer a single one of my letters. Did he even read them? Most importantly… why did he let me go, why didn’t he stop me when I wanted to stay? 

“Eren?” I ask. 

“Yeah?” 

Ask him! Mikasa, do it! Ask him what you’ve always wanted to ask him! I open my mouth, but the words won’t come out, stuck in my throat by the fear of what could possibly be said. 

My palm has begun to sweat, I know he feels it. He senses it. My nerves, my hesitance and fear over what I’m about to say. 

“I-” 

I speak, but there is a noise, and we both turn. In the tree there is a shudder of trembling branches as a crow caws and flaps it’s dark black wings into the night sky. We are tantalized by the interruption, thanking it for giving me time to think about what I’m going to say. 

Soon, the noise of the bird leaves us, and we are left again with the ebbing water and the wind rustling fallen leaves against the pavement. I slip my hand away from his and cover my face in exasperation, it’s been a long night. There’s a light dull beginning in the front of my head, or maybe it’s the night finally settling in on me and signaling to me that it's been a rough few hours. 

I don’t want to move. I want to continue to cover my face, as if that alone will take me away from this moment, but then Eren quietly clears his throat and I know he’s going to say something. I have no choice, but to wait and listen. 

“Mikasa…” he rasps, “There’s something I have to say…” he falters. He thinks it over, and he looks to the dim body of stars under the city sky, as if he’s asking them for guidance. 

I turn to him, and I can’t help but be enamored by the way he looks. It’s still Eren underneath it all. He’s still the boy with wild eyes and a spirit that can light an entire town whole. It’s still him right? He hasn’t left. I just need to find him. Wake him up and bring him to me. 

_ How? How can I bring my light into his darkness.  _

“Say it,” I utter. 

Eren inhales, and when he breathes out, it comes out in jagged exhales as he mutters, “Are you happy in Tokyo?” 

He’s not looking at me, instead he closes his eyes and his head is angled up, as the bob of his Adam’s apple runs my throat dry. He shouldn’t have this affect on me, but he does and always has. 

Was I happy in Tokyo? I… wasn’t unhappy, I felt like a walking zombie the first year. Always wondering how he was, how he felt, whether he was eating right. It was all Eren, Eren, Eren. I left myself in the back burner, until I learned that that wasn’t okay. 

However, I was also cold… very cold and lonely. 

Right now… it’s different. I don’t want it to be all about Eren again, but instead about Mikasa. Mikasa Ackerman. I learned so much about myself in those years. I found myself, but have I been found? 

“Tokyo… is beautiful. My aunt took care of me. I found myself…” I trail off… because  _ am I happy in Tokyo, right now?  _

I don’t say anything, and from the corner of my eye, I can see how Eren bores his illuminating eyes on me. He leans forward with a light groan, and mutters, “I hope you're happy…” 

_ Silence. _

I stare down at my hands and focus on the way the nail polish has begun to chip at the tip of my nails.  _ Thump. Thump. Thump.  _

_ Breathe, Mikasa… breathe.  _

I blink my eyes to a close, only to feel the wet, cold, stream of a tear run down my cheeks as he suddenly whispers, “I want you to be happy...” 

Has silence ever been so loud? Has a weak gasp of breath ever been so strong? Has the wild beating of a heart ever been so quiet? 

My vision is blurred by the tears that don’t fail to fall, and he looks like a fuzzy daydream as I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. 

The line of his mouth is sad…  _ hopeful _ . I open my mouth to speak, but I am afraid that the only thing that will come out is a weak string of words held together by a faint sense of hope. 

I don’t realize his hand is on mine, as I feel the fleeting light squeeze of his skin on mine. He’s staring at me.  _ Why does he look heartbroken as he stares at me? _

“Eren… I-” 

Upon the sound of tires screeching to a halt, does our moment cease to exist, as the sound of car doors opening in an angry motion is heard. 

I don’t need to know who it is. When someone is looking for you, they are bound to find you. 

Eren looks tired as he turns to look back. 

The familiar silhouette of Annie soon meets our gaze and she prowls towards us like a jaguar walking towards its prey. 

Eren then sighs in defeat, but slowly his gaze turns to one of business as he glances and tells me, “Here. Take the motorcycle, you shouldn’t be here.” 

I can hear the jingling of the keys in his pocket again, but before he can continue, I speak. 

“Eren…” 

He shakes his head as he stands up, and huffs as he again holds his side. 

“Leave,” he says, more determined. 

I don’t want to leave. Why does he want me to leave? He always wants me to leave. 

“No,” I whisper, I look up at him and my voice becomes stronger as I again say, “No!” 

He looks at me and his eyes look saddened and he once again says, “Leave,” but there is no mistaking the quiver of his voice when he says this. 

I shake my head as I look at Annie who walks slowly towards us, with the glint of her gun shining under the moonlight in full display. The sound of a car door opening is heard, and the idiosyncratic sound of heavy feet upon pavement pulls my attention towards Reiner, who leisurely walks towards us with his hands in his pockets as he looks up at the sky. 

Eren’s jaw immediately tenses when he sees this and he mutters underneath his, “How’d they find us?” 

Suddenly, the cold, hard, feeling of keys against my palm is felt as Eren slips the keys into my hand. 

“Go,” he whispers urgently under his breath, “Now.” 

No, I won’t leave! Why does he think I will leave him here alone with them? I grip the keys in my hand and look determined as I plant myself firmly to stand my ground. 

“No, I won’t leave,” I say out loud. 

Eren looks at me, and then glares with a miserable anguish as Annie makes herself known. 

“You’re not hard to find, are you, Yeager?” Annie yells. 

He blinks once, twice, and he looks away from me and towards her… “I am not leaving,” I say one last time. I am not leaving again. I’ve made up my mind. 

What will I do for Eren? I will swim through a sea of monsters with a sword, shear strength, and my heart as my only ally. That’s what I would do for him. Does he not know this? 

**∞**

No matter how badly I want to go home, I just can’t. I can’t go back to where I came from. Where is home anyway? I have nowhere to go to, no one to come home to. 

Besides, right now it is not the time to think about that. Reiner and Annie are right here. How? How did they know I was here?

Mikasa… I need to get her out of here. If something happens to her, I… I don’t know what I’ll do. 

“Eren, Eren, Eren,” Annie mocks, “You can run, but you can’t hide and even if you hide, I will always find you.” 

I scoff, this is so ridiculous, so stupid. 

“I told you both, do what you want with me. I don’t give a fuck… but Mikasa, let her leave.” 

Reiner clicks his tongue and takes his hands out of his pocket as he chuckles derisively, as he addresses her, “Mikasa, always so faithful. I have nothing against you actually, so don’t take anything personally-” 

“Shut up,” I murmur. Why is he doing this? Why is he prolonging his attack on me? Why does he insist on this torturous ordeal? 

“Let her leave… please,” I plead. 

Reiner cranes his head back and he releases a guttural sound as he says, “Why do you say that? You brought her with you! Or what? You’re going to tell me she’s here on her own accord?” 

He’s right… Mikasa is here because of me. I could’ve taken her to Marco’s apartment, but I brought her here.

I look into the distance, not knowing what to say. I always bring her into my problems and she always comes out hurt someway or another. No, I won’t let it happen this time, I have to keep her safe, and for that she must be away from me. I still have my handgun strapped on my waist, if I play my cards right, I can at least buy Mikasa some time for her to get out of here. I can go charging forward and- 

“I am here because I want to be here,” she cuts through. 

My thoughts halt to a stop as I see how Mikasa steps forward with the bravery she easily carries when she stands her ground. 

“Reiner,” she speaks, “What happened with Bertholdt that day... things could’ve been different. I’m sorry for not being able to do anything to save him-”

The shadows under Reiner’s eyes become grim as he glares at me and mutters, “This fucker right here is at fault for all the shit that happens to him. He’s the one that should be on his knees… not you.” 

He walks towards us, flapping his coat behind him and with his hands on his waist he reveals his own gun strapped to his waist. 

“Yes, I think that day could’ve been different, but it wasn’t. Right, Eren?” 

“You’re a fucking joke,” I spit. 

Reiner falls back in surprise as he points a feigned innocent hand to his chest, “I’m the joke? So, what are you?” 

What am I? I take a slight step forward as it becomes increasingly hard to keep the rage inside me at bay, because who is he to ask what I am!? 

“You’re a sex trafficker. You fucking pig!” 

He laughs, “Ha! And what are you going to do about it?” 

He continues to make his way towards me, and my eyes rest on the handgun his finger purposely land on, he’s going to pull it out, I’m sure, but I won’t let him! 

I charge forward before he can do anything, but he’s ready for me and swings a fist at me. Damn! I let him punch me as I yell at Mikasa to leave, but then I feel a hard kick to my already aching wound, as Annie kicks me. Fucking Annie, I forgot she was here. 

“Argh!” 

I can hear Annie laugh as she sees the blood stick on to my skin, however, I can’t spend much time listening to her when Reiner is quick to shoving his knee, in one swift swing to my stomach.

I choke and fall to my back, only to see how Mikasa holds Annie back. Even as I writhe in pain when Reiner punches my face, I smile watching her. 

“Stop fucking smiling,” he grits. 

“Fuck you,” I snap back. 

I manage to bend my leg and kick him in the gut to get him off me and when he steps back coughing, I feel around my waist to get a hold of my gun, but it’s not there. 

“Looking for this,” Reiner smirks. 

I look at him in surprise as he holds my gun in his hand, leaving me completely defenseless. He then wipes bloody spit out of his mouth to reveal a trickle of blood escaping and he grimaces for a moment before looking at me with calm rage. 

I have no idea what I’m about to do, but all I know is that there is no time for thinking, nevertheless, before I can move, the wail of a police siren is heard nearby. Normally, in a city like this, this sound is something to not be alarmed by. However, I feel that this siren is headed here, and so does Reiner as he rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue in annoyance. 

“Now what?” 

In an instant, the tire screeches of a vehicle making a complete stop is heard, and within moments the car door is open. Jean steps out with his gun in hand and points it at Reiner with determination. 

“Jean,” I gasp. 

“Put the weapon down, Reiner!” he shouts. 

Reiner chuckles and flicks his chin at him, “Or what?” 

I’ve known Jean my entire life, and to this day watching him switch from silly in one moment to serious and deadly the other, will always surprise me. 

“Reiner, I won’t hesitate to put you behind bars!” 

“Argh!” 

We all turn when we hear Annie groan behind us, to find Mikasa pinning her to the ground with a hand behind her back.    
  


“Fucking bitch!” Annie strains, and Mikasa answers with a very tiny smirk on her face. Is Mikasa enjoying this? Yeah, she probably is. 

“Annie quit playing,” Reiner rasps. 

“Fuck you!” Annie snaps. 

Jean takes advantage of the distraction and moves closer to us, with his gun stretched out. Nevertheless, Reiner suddenly begins to fire at him, and Jean is forced to run behind his car and takes cover as Reiner continues to shoot at him. 

Annie grunts loudly as she pushes herself up and brings Mikasa down. Annie then holds her wrists down and doesn’t allow her to move. A part of me wants to run towards Mikasa, but when I see the gun fly out of Reiner’s hand and skid through the pavement, I stop. Jean was close to shooting his hand, but missed. Therefore, I race to get it, not caring that Reiner is right there and that Jean is also shooting at him with me in the way. 

I’m so close to getting a hold of the hand gun, but a small hand beats me to it. 

“Reiner! Let’s go!” Annie yells as she grabs the hand gun and points it to Jean. She has a clear shot at him, but her hand is held back by Mikasa, who now sports a bruise on her cheek. 

“Mikasa!” I shout as I see how Annie elbows her in her ribcage, pushing her back. 

She points the gun at Mikasa for a second, putting my heart to a stop when she does so, but she quickly moves to reach Reiner. 

“Reiner, let’s get the fuck out.” 

Again, she points the gun towards Jean and begins to shoot at the car as her and Reiner move towards their car. 

“Jean,” Mikasa gasps as a bullet gets dangerously close to Jean. We wait with our hearts at our throats as we see how Jean manages to move out of the way. 

Damn it! Reiner is getting away. Once he enters his car, he will be gone. No, not on my watch. I run towards his vehicle, but Jean is quick to shout a warning. 

“Mikasa! Eren! Get down!” 

Everything is a blur. I can only watch as Reiner and Annie run into their car as Jean yells with his hand gun pointing towards them. He fires a round at them and misses, and once he sees they are going to get away, Jean radios someone and makes his way into his vehicle.  _ Good,  _ I think, _ they’re leaving.  _

“Stay here!” Jean yells at us again. 

He gets into his car and blares his siren on as he gets ready to chase them. 

Mikasa grabs my arm as we watch how Reiner and Annie are about to pull away, and we are safe from them. At least I think we are, because it is then that the black tinted passenger window rolls down swiftly, as the barrel of a gun peaks through to point at us. Actually, it’s pointing at me. Reiner smirks as he looks me dead in the eye and his finger is on the trigger.  _ No. Please.  _

“Reiner!” I strain. 

He’s going to shoot. He’s going to do it!

My first thought is Mikasa. My goal is protecting her and keeping her out of harm’s way, nevertheless, the gun fires as I’m about to move, but she does the same and jumps in front of me before I can do anything. What is she doing? Why? Why?  _ No!  _

**_BANG!_ **

_ Everything stops.  _

The noise around me escapes. The air from my lungs abandons me. My heartbeat has ceased to exist alongside the world around me. Am I speaking? Shouting? When did my voice leave me? There’s a dead line beeping in my ear as I try to bring myself to reach my body again. I need to react. I need to move. Move! 

All that comes out is a pathetic choke as I push out a weak, “No.” 

Her mouth is open in shock as a single tear rolls down her smooth face. She looks down and blinks lethargically at her abdomen. 

“E-Eren…” she gasps quietly. 

“M-Mikasa, no, no, no, no.” 

_ No.  _

_ No, please no.  _

Her shoulders droop as the balance on her legs become unsteady, but I hold on to her. The tears falling from my eyes are a hindrance as I try to find the part where her blood is gushing out from. 

I have to stop the blood. No, not this… anything but this. 

“Gah!” I yelp as I press my hand to the spot below her ribcage where she’s been shot. 

“Mhmm,” she winces as I let her weight fall to me and I scoop her fading body into my arms. 

“Argh,” I groan as I try my damned hardest to not jostle her around and I blink hard to wipe the tears that continue to fall. The motorcycle keys, where are they? 

“Fuck! The keys! Where the fuck are they?” 

There’s a part in my heart that I’ve kept protected and locked away for safekeeping and right now that part is bleeding out in my arms. She’s fading away. 

I’m losing it, there’s not a single rational thought going through my mind. The bridge of rationality and thought have broken, and it’s been connected by despair. Pure utter despair. 

“Where are the fucking keys!” I yell. 

I frantically look around for someone, anyone! Jean is gone, with only the fading sirens signaling his departure in order to chase Reiner. Fuck. 

“Help! Anyone!” I wail to someone, to anyone. 

No answer, and I am all alone here with her. Damn it… this is all my fault. If she- if the worst happens, _ no! _

“Mmrgh,” I whine as I hold her. She won’t! She can’t!

It’s not until I feel the gentle nudge of hard keys pressing inside my palm and she looks up at me tearfully. 

“M-Mikasa…” I mutter and wipe the tears that fall freely down her face.

“Eren, it’s okay.” 

“N-no,” I say as I take the keys firmly into my hands, “The hospital! We’re going to a hospital!” 

She looks up at me and she’s fighting her tears, and I can’t believe that even with a bullet piercing her insides, she still manages to look serene. I hold her close to me, feeling her blood soak through my shirt, as I carry her over to the motorcycle. 

I don’t know how I do it, but I sit down with her cradled in my arms. I look at her and she has grown paler and limper. 

“Mikasa… hold on, please,” I cry. 

God, I’ve asked nothing of you, but please, please, don’t take her away from me. I’ll do anything, what do you want me to do? 

“Please, don’t leave me. Not you,” I whimper. 

She feels so limp and cold, and her eyes are closed. I shake her lightly and she groans very faintly, but she’s breathing. Thank god, she’s breathing. I hold her face and my tears continue to fall out. 

“Mikasa, hold on. You must live, you must live. You have to go home to Tokyo! M-Mikasa...” 

I ball my fist to keep the shaking at bay as I turn on the motorcycle and I kiss her cheek as I whisper, “You’re going to live a long happy life.”

And I hurry to make my way to the hospital we drove by on our way here. She’s not dying, not on my watch. Mikasa, I really need you to be happy. It’s not a want, but a need at this point. I won't let you die in my arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your continued reading. If it gets confusing, I am so sorry, it's been a long month and the details of the story have gotten hazy in my mind. Either way, thank you. What's funny about making Reiner into the bad guy is that I really like his character in the manga. For the previous chapter there's a lot of Porco and Marcel. I really, really like Porco's character and I've loved including him and Marcel in this fic because we didn't get enough of them. Once again, thank you for your comments and support, I really enjoy reading them.


	12. Wicked Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! For those who have been waiting for an update, here it is, and thank you so much for those who have been patient and have been waiting. THANKS THANKS THANKS!!!!

_ There was always a hope that he was the perfect person for me, but there were times in which I chased, and Eren is a fast runner. He’ll never like me like that… never. He just took pity on me on that day. And the way he acts with me… he can be like that with anyone else, not just me. Right? _

_ Uhh, why am I thinking this outside this shop?  _

I feel the wallet in my backpack as I continue to look inside the shop window. 

It’s Eren’s birthday today. He’s turning 15 and I have no idea what to give him. Zeke already spoils him enough and I really want this to be personal. 

Mrs. Yeager is throwing him a surprise party and I’m not supposed to tell him, but I’m sure he knows. He acts aloof at times, but I’m sure he knows how much his parents love him. 

Now, what should I get him? I just can’t make my mind up. Whatever I give him he’ll gladly accept, but I need him to understand that what I get for him is because I care. Because I really... really care about him. 

“Mmrgh,” I groan as the butterflies in my stomach go wild at just the thought of him. How? How does he make me feel like this? It feels so wrong, so right, and I don’t know what to say or do. 

I think I love Eren. No, I do love him. I love him. 

This is love… right? Yes. I’m sure it is. 

_ How do you know?  _ A voice echoes in mind. 

I can feel it every time he’s near me. It feels like I’m whole, like I can do anything and no one can stop me. But how does he feel about me? Am I just a girl he saved and offered a home to? I don’t know what I am to him and the thought has been running circles on my mind. 

I bump my forehead gently on the glass and mutter, “Eren…” 

“Yeah?” 

“Huh?!” 

I turn to look at him and he’s standing there with a single ice cream cone in hand, and he hands it to me. 

“What about you? I ask as I take the cone. _ Ignore the graze of his hand on your hand, Mikasa, ignore it.  _

I only had enough for one. 

“Oh?” I say surprised, as I take a lick of the ice-cream. I look down at it almost in shame, knowing that he probably wanted some and without thinking I hold the ice cream to his mouth giving him no escape from the incoming ice-cream attack I’m giving him. 

“M-Mikasa,” he stammers before holding the ice cream cone in his hand. He takes a breath as he lets the shock of my action pass, and he looks at the ice-cream before giving it a lick and smiles, “It’s really good.” 

He hands it back to me and I can feel the rush of blood reaching my cheeks as I consciously lick the ice-cream knowing he has just licked the same spot. 

“I-it is,” I stamer, trying to hide my burning face behind the ice cream cone. 

“Hey, Mikasa? What were you looking at inside the shop?” 

“Huh?” I say nervously, “Oh, nothing, I was… there was something in there that I thought I’d like, but nevermind.” 

Eren stays quiet until he looks to the sky and mutters, “I don’t want anything for my birthday.”

“Oh,” I say, a little disappointed. 

He sighs and then looks at his feet and says, “Although... I do need socks.” 

“Okay,” I mutter remembering that there’s a melting ice-cream cone in my hand and I wipe the strand of melting dessert running down my hand on the napkin he gives me. 

“Can you make sure mom gets me chocolate cake,” he says more in a sigh than question. 

“I already did,” I say. 

“Thanks.” 

“Yeah.” 

We walk in silence as we allow the sun to embrace us in its warm rays. It’s a warm spring day and the weather is perfect enough for this lovely walk, but when isn’t it? 

I look at him as he continues to look forward and there is no denying Eren’s beauty… not just physically, but internally. It’s the way he only allows himself to be truly seen by those he cares about, and the way he strongly loves and protects those he loves that’s made me fall for him over the years. 

“Armin’s at the park, let’s go,” he interrupts my train of thought, “I just came to get you.”

“Why is he at the park?” 

“He wants to feed the ducks.” 

I smile at the thought of Armin doing such a thing. Of course he would. Small things that might seem boring to some will never be so for Armin. 

Eren and I walk side by side talking here and there about nothing in particular, just random little pieces of information, and every once in a while I look at him and he looks at me. Small tiny glances that might not mean much to him, but mean the world to me. 

At one point he clears his throat and says, “Mikasa… thanks.” 

“Huh? For what?” 

Eren shrugs as he singsongs a carefree hum and scratches the back of his head as he goes quiet. 

“Eren?” I whisper. 

For a moment Eren looks away and then in a quiet murmur says, “For being there for me.” 

I look at him not knowing how to answer, because he’s never told me anything like this and he’s never looked this… bashful.  _ Eren Yeager bashful. Why?  _

“Uh…” I falter. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you that…” he says in a low shy murmur.

I shake my head and hum a quick no, and I have no idea why I find myself smiling at this prospect because he’s acting so vulnerable… so unnaturally Eren, and I don’t know what to do with this version of him. It’s like there are so many versions of himself within one person and they all come out in different moments and stages, but in the end each and every one of them is him. All him. 

“Eren, I-” I begin, but soon we hear a yell from a distance. 

We both stop walking when we see Jean running towards us in a panicked pace. 

“You guys! Mikasa! Eren!” 

Eren’s temple immediately tenses up and he doesn’t even think twice when he begins to run towards Jean. I stand idle for a moment, looking at my now melted ice-cream and run after Eren, but not before throwing the ice-cream at a nearby trash can. 

Once Eren reaches Jean, Jean stops and grips his knees as he struggles to catch his breath. 

“Jean!” I yell as I reach them and Jean looks up at me and normally he smiles, but not this time. 

“What’s going on?” Eren presses, growing more concerned as the seconds pass. 

“Jean shakes his head and he looks up at Eren as he grimaces and says, “It’s Armin… he- Bertholdt-” 

“What?! He what?” Eren demands. 

“Bertholdt took Armin,” Jean says exasperated. 

“Where?” Eren asks flatly. 

“The parking building next to the park-”

Before Jean finishes his sentence, Eren is running towards the location Jean mentioned and Jean immediately covers his face in exasperation as he yells after him. 

“Eren! Wait!” 

I’m about to start running after Eren, but I stop and ask Jean, “What’s wrong?”

“Armin was the one who punched Bertholdt, he initiated the fight.” 

“What?” I muse, “Armin?” 

I turn to look at Eren’s receding form and even as I call to him, not once does he turn around to listen. 

“Oh no…” is all I can muster as I watch the angry version of Eren, run head first into trouble. 

**∞**

Why the fuck is that jerk picking on Armin again! This must end today. I’m tired of seeing my friend bullied and messed around with by Bertholdt. He does it every chance he has and I can’t understand why. 

Unless… no, it couldn’t be. I thought it was a joke, when I overheard that rumor. Annie can’t like Armin, can she? 

It was rumored that a year ago Bertholdt asked Annie out, but she flat out rejected him, and the reason she gave was liking Armin. 

So, is this why Bertholdt has a grudge against him? 

It doesn’t matter. He can’t get away with this type of behavior, and my friend can’t be hurt like this anymore. 

I continue to run, and soon I see the parking structure Jean mentioned and race to it. There are four levels on this parking structure and I start the tedious journey of looking for Armin. I run around trying to find any sign that they are here, but it is not until I reach the third floor that I hear a pained grunt echoing loudly on the floor above. 

Without a thought, I take to the stairs panting heavily and tiredly, until I reach the last floor. 

It’s not long before I make it there, and what I see sends my heart racing, because Bertholdt has Armin pinned against the ground and he is furiously punching his face. 

I automatically flinch when I hear Bertholdt’s fist smack Armin’s cheek and the way Armin’s head jerks to hit the pavement below him gets my stomach churning and my blood boiling. 

I can barely recognize who Armin is because there is blood everywhere and I can’t decipher where his features are. His blonde hair has become matted with the blood he is spilling and the scene itself is enough to make me cry. 

“Armin…” I utter as the start of my tears break away from my face. I sniffle and my eyebrows furrow in an angry glare as I shout, “Fucking leave him alone!” 

Bertholdt doesn’t even bother to look at me and he throws one more blow to Armin’s already battered face when I push him out of the way. 

I step back for a moment when I see Bertholdt’s bloody nose and I wonder how he got that. It looks bad; it might be broken. And Bertholdt looks mad, real mad. 

“Eren, stay out of this,” he says clashing his teeth furiously. 

“Fuck you,” I bite back, but Bertholdt doesn’t want to deal with me, as he’s quick to kick me in the stomach pushing all the air out of me and throwing me to the ground. 

“F-fucker,” I hiss and try to get up, but Bertholdt’s knee is quick to push me to the ground. Damn him and his height! 

Yet, I manage to crane my neck and bite his uncovered calf, digging my teeth deep into his skin, but Bertholdt is strong and he easily swings his leg to get me off. Nevertheless, I hold on. 

I can feel the trickle of blood slide down my mouth as my teeth refuse to let go of his skin, and I hear him yell. Soon, his fingers are digging into the locks of my hair as he tries to force me off him. 

“This isn’t about you Eren, stay the fuck out of it.” 

“No,” I muffle. 

“E-Eren… stay-y back-” Armin chokes. 

There are tears that streak his blood covered face as he says this and all I see is white as I pick up my foot and manage to kick Bertholdt until he loses his balance, and falls. I don’t waste any time and soon I am on top of him and I am swinging my bare fist over his face. 

Even though I know I won’t last long, I keep punching at his face, and Bertholdt cries out when I aim at his nose, and soon I hear a nasty crackle. Suddenly, I feel as he heaves in pain and the sight makes me gasp, but I don’t stop. 

At least not until he suddenly grabs me and pushes me to the ground as his bleeding nose drips on my face and shirt. 

“Eren, this isn’t about you, stop interfering!” he yells. 

I look around for Armin and he is by the ledge of the parking lot overlooking the scenery and he is grabbing his stomach and trying to catch his breath. 

Suddenly, Bertholdt pulls me by the neck of my collar and drags me to my toes as he drags me closer to Armin and throws me to the ground. 

“There! I’m out of here, I didn’t want any problems today, I just wanted to enjoy my day in peace,” Bertholdt says as he’s about to walk away, but I grab him by his ankle and pull until he is stumbling on his own feet. 

I cradle my head and lay to the side to prevent him from falling on me and I just feel as his body rolls over mine. I remain idle and only look up when I hear Armin yell. 

I look from side to side as neither Armin or Bertholdt are to be seen and my heart sinks as I realize the worst possible outcome has happened. 

“E-Eren…” I hear Armin’s weak voice coming from over the broken barrier surrounding the parking lot and I gulp nervously as I lean forward to see the unwelcomed sight below me. 

“Armin!” I yell, as I get to my knees and see how he is barely holding on as one hand hangs to his side and worst yet, Bertholdt holds on to him with his arms wrapped around Armin’s ankles. 

“Help me, I can’t hold on much longer,” Armin strains. 

“Fuck,” I gasp as I scramble to get a hold of Armin’s forearm, but no matter how much I pull, Armin won’t let go. 

“Eren! Stop! I don’t think you’ll be able to pull me up,” he yells. 

“I can do it, Armin! I can pull both you and Bertholdt up, I know I can, dammit!” 

Armin looks up at me and his eyes tell me he wants to believe me, but when Bertholdt yells for us to hurry we both know that this is an impossible feat. I can’t pull someone as heavy as Bertholdt up, especially when I’m trying to pull Armin too. 

“Eren! Get Bertholdt, I can hold on for a little longer. I promise.” 

“Armin…” I mutter. He looks at me with those blue pairs of eyes I’ve come to trust after all these years and counting, and I nod as I grip part of the broken railing and lean forward as I yell, “Bertholdt! Grab my hand!” 

Bertholdt looks down for a moment and he shakily nods as he reaches for my hand and I’m so close to getting a hold of it. Nevertheless, from the corner of my eye I see how Armin loses his grip, and just as Bertholdt is about to take my hand and let go of Armin’s legs, do I maneuver my hands to grab a hold of Armin instead. 

My heart is beating out of my chest and through my ears because my hands have a hold on Armin, but not Bertholdt… 

Armin and I stare into each other’s eyes with a fear stricken look. Afraid to look elsewhere as we pant as the deafening ring in my ears doesn’t allow me to comprehend what is going on. 

“Eren!” Mikasa yells from behind. She’s here… she’s always here sooner or later. 

I still can’t move, but the grip I have on Armin’s forearms is strong. 

“Oh god, what happened?” she utters, as she helps me pull Armin up, nevertheless, she suddenly gasps and stands erect as Armin and I catch our breaths on the cold ground. 

She covers her mouth as tears prickle on the side of her eyes and she mutters, “Oh no… Oh no.” 

She looks back at us and then back to the scene below her. 

“I think he’s dead,” she finally whispers. 

There is a deafening blare ringing inside my ears, however, I hear her loud and clear as she repeats what I thought she said. 

Bertholdt is dead. 

**∞**

Eren? “Eren…” I mutter, but when I turn to him, he isn’t there. “Eren!” I say and follow as he and a bruised Armin run towards the scene. 

I watch as he pushes away the crowding people and shoves them out of his way. It took us some time to get down from the top of the parking lot, and by the time we got to Bertholdt, a police car was already there. 

_ So many lights… all red, I don’t want to see these many red lights ever again.  _

I follow and soon the three of us are standing surrounding the mangled body of Bertholdt. We all look away and we don’t know how much time has passed, because soon more police cars arrive and soon after an ambulance. 

_ How long has it been since we were atop the parking structure?  _

I look to Eren who stands stoically, and to Armin who chokes back tears as they lift Bertholdt’s body into the body bag.  _ This doesn’t seem real, this can’t be happening _ . 

We don’t move and we are slowly pushed back by the cops as we suddenly turn around when we hear Reiner’s yell as he sees the scene before him. 

“B-Bertholdt…” he stammers, and right behind him is Annie, who glances at Armin and scowls at me. 

“You kids have to get out of here!” an officer instructs us. 

Nevertheless, Reiner pushes the man out of the way, and despite the difference of age, Reiner is much bigger and easily moves the officer. 

“Out of my way,” he growls and soon he is in front of Bertholdt’s dead body and he just gawks at the damage that’s been done as he gets to his knees and sobs into his hands. 

Eren walks up to him and places his hand on his shoulder as he whispers, “Reiner…”

“Who did this?” Reiner grits through his teeth. 

My skin jumps as he says this and I have no idea what is going on inside Reiner’s head as he looks around for someone to give him an answer. 

“Who did this?” he repeats. 

From the corner of my eye I can see how Armin steps forward, but Eren holds a hand out to stop him, and shakes his head as Reiner notices they are withholding something from him. 

“What? You have something to say?” 

“R-Reiner…” Armin stammers in a fright. 

He’s about to speak when another officer appears and interrupts Armin from explaining to Reiner what happened, “You boys… get out of here before we take you in with us for interfering with an investigation.” 

“Reiner, let’s get out of here, we don’t need this shit,” Annie interrupts, as she pulls on Reiner’s sleeve, who continues to watch with distraught as they carry Bertholdt’s body into the vehicle to take him away. 

“Eren, Armin, let’s go,” I hurry and pull on both of their sleeves, as they absentmindedly follow along, probably too taken aback by the scene before them. 

I believe they have now let the reality of what happened to Bertholdt settle on them. We walk until we stop at the corner of a random building and I feel like I can finally breathe being so far away from the sound of sirens and crowding people. Armin is the first to stop walking as he looks between both Eren and I, but his eyes ultimately land on Eren. 

“I have to tell Reiner… I have to.” He moves to walk back, but Eren gets a hold of him. 

“Armin, look at you! Your face, your body, he did this to you, and yes he’s dead, but he’s the one that kept picking at you. He started it!” 

Eren’s nose flares as he says this, and he takes a hold of Armin as he makes him look at him. Armin isn’t able to hold Eren’s gaze, and I know why… because Bertholdt wasn’t the one who started this, and the matter isn’t who started it, but the fact that Bertholdt ended up dead. 

“Eren, it was me who initiated this, I got fed up. I was filled with anger and rage and I just cracked. When I swung my fist and broke his nose, I knew that something bad would come… I never thought this would happen, Eren… it’s all my fault.” 

Armin covers his face and releases a shriek as he repeats that it’s all his fault, “I killed Bertholdt! I did it, Eren! None of this would be happening if I didn’t start this, I caused you to make the choice you made.”

Eren is left with his mouth open in surprise as Armin continues to sob and tremble as he sniffles and tries to put on a brave face, but fails. 

Everything around us seems to go quiet as both of my friends struggle to wrap their minds over what happened. It was all an accident, they didn’t mean for this to happen. Yet, this doesn’t take away that Bertholdt is dead. 

“Armi-” I begin, but Eren quickly interrupts as he grits his teeth and grabs Armin’s shoulders as he yells, “It was me who didn’t grab him! Don’t forget that! It was me who made that choice!” 

“It was because of me that you made that choice… that much is clear,” Armin mutters with a downcast look as he wipes his nose, “You wouldn’t make that decision if it weren’t for me.” 

“Armin,” I say, “We can’t turn back time, what’s done is done, the only thing we can do is keep moving.” 

“What about Reiner… I have to tell him, he’s not going to leave this alone, and when he finds out what happened- I don’t want to think about what he’ll do. I have to tell him right now!” 

Armin moves to walk back repeating that he has to tell Reiner, but Eren grabs a hold of his shoulder and says, “Armin, don’t. I’ll talk to Reiner, let’s just let him grieve for now, when things calm down… I’ll explain what happened.” 

Eren holds Armin’s gaze for what feels like hours, until Armin looks away and mutters a quiet, “Okay.” 

Armin suddenly shuts his eyes and bumps his fist on his forehead as he groans, “Eren, I’m so sorry, I forgot it’s your birthday.” 

Eren gives a sideways smile as he shakes his head and says, “Come on, Armin, Mikasa told mom to get chocolate cake.” 

Eren looks to me and nods his head telling me to follow him. I hum and both Armin and I follow him, unsure about what’s going to happen, even as Eren pretends that everything will be okay. 

Eren… it’s his birthday and his day has already gone wrong. I have to make this day better for him, I need to do something that will bring a smile to his face, I can’t let his day end with what happened ruin his day. 

**∞**

“Eren! You’re late!” 

Mrs. Yeager paces towards Eren and pinches his ear, and I know she’s not pinching it hard, but Eren is the type to pretend it hurts him even if it doesn’t. Therefore, he grimaces and rubs his ear as he prepares his apology. 

“Sorry, Mom.” 

Mrs. Yeager studies Eren and out of nowhere turns to me and asks. 

“What trouble did he get himself into today, Mikasa?” 

A slight panic enters me as Mrs. Yeager asks me this. Can she sense that something happened? Because it is then that she looks me in the eye and asks, “Mikasa? Is everything alright? Did something happen?” 

Eren side eyes me and I remain calm as I take a small breath and confidently say, “Eren is upset I didn’t get him a good birthday present.” 

“Eren?!” Mrs. Yeager shrieks as Mr. Yeager shakes his head behind his wife and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose sighing in disappointment. 

“Mikasa…” Eren groans. 

I smile as I say, “Mrs. Yeager… Eren knows about the cake. Sorry for telling him.” 

Mrs. Yeager is quick to put her hands over her hips and shakes her head, “It’s fine, Mikasa, I know how stubborn Eren can be. Well, now since the cat is out of the bag and I know how impatient you are Eren. Let’s eat and then we’ll cut the cake before it gets late.” 

She starts into the kitchen but she stops as she looks around and frowns, “Where’s Armin? I thought you went to get him?” 

“Uh,” Eren begins, “He fell down and bruised his face, so he went home to clean himself up, and he’ll be here in a bit. At least that’s what he said.” 

“Oh, poor boy,” Mrs .Yeager sighs, “I guess you can walk over to his home later and take him and his grandfather a slice of cake. 

“I will, mom,” Eren says as we all follow Mrs. Yeager into the kitchen to bring everything out. 

**∞**

“Something that will make his day better,” I mutter as I grip the cheap plastic fork that stabs the large spongy part of the chocolate cake, and slowly bring a sizable piece of the sweet concoction into my mouth. 

“Hmm,” I hum at the taste of the sweet dessert upon my tongue, and sigh as I realize that this day can end badly. 

Why? Well, because Eren left with the excuse to take Armin his cake, but he actually left to look for Reiner. He wants to explain things before things get out of hand, at least that’s what he said. 

I know that we should’ve told an adult, we should’ve told Reiner, we should’ve told the investigators. But what if the adults didn’t understand and Eren and Armin instead ended up being arrested. 

It wasn’t their fault, besides Armin could’ve died too. All Eren did was save who he wanted to save. What I understand is that he couldn’t save both of them… he had to make a choice, and his choice was Armin. 

“Argh,” I sigh as I stand up. 

I need to go for a walk, clear my mind, if I think too much about this, I’ll just go in circles and go nowhere. 

Eren went to the park to look for Reiner, maybe I can go find him to make sure things go smoothly. I know he said he wanted to do this alone, but I’m not even able to eat this silly piece of cake without worrying about his safety. I mean, we all know what Reiner is capable of, I’ve even heard stories about the people he interacts with, and it’s unsettling to say the least. 

I look down at the half eaten piece of cake and sigh as I put it inside a nearby trashcan and stand up to make my way. 

My fingertips absentmindedly caress the red fabric surrounding my neck and I gently squeeze, as it gives me the comfort of inner warmth and it serves as a reminder that I am safe. 

“Okay,” I sigh and decide to go on my way. 

**∞**

Where could Reiner possibly be? 

I need to find him and yeah, I might have to go to the police station to explain what happened. Things happened too fast and I feel like I am stuck in a bad dream, and things are finally connecting in my mind and I realize that maybe I acted out on impulse. 

I’m not stupid, there’s cameras everywhere, they are eventually going to know Armin and I were with him, might as well go to them before they come to us. And this is exactly why I’m looking for Reiner. 

I’ve heard rumors recently. His family is involved in some shady business that even Zeke warns me to keep far from Reiner. 

“People like him, they know no limit, and they stop at nothing. Stay away from people like that,” Zeke says whenever I mention Reiner. 

Zeke can be really dramatic at times, I don’t know how we’re related, if I’m being honest. I mean what’s the worst Reiner could do to me? Beat me up? As if I’d let him win that easily. 

“Fuck.” 

As I walk through the park, I look down at my shoe and realize the shoelaces are undone. Such a minor inconvenience, but very… very annoying. 

“Tsk,” I grunt. 

I sit on a nearby bench and begin to tie my shoe. While I do this, I keep thinking about the ways I could tell Reiner how everything unfolded, and nothing comes up. Do I just tell him straight up that I saved Armin instead of Bertholdt? Ah, I really don’t know how to confront this, and besides… he’s not here. 

I’ve been looking everywhere for him and I can’t find him. They said he was going to be here, but I don’t see him. 

Damn, I should’ve worn a sweater, I am beginning to shiver out here. Maybe I should head home, and actually take Armin his cake. 

Nevertheless, it is in that moment that the familiar sound of her voice breaks my concentration. 

“Eren,” she says. 

“Hmm?” 

I look up and she’s looking at me with those eyes… those eyes that are everything pure in the world, no judgement, no other motive, just her. 

“Mikasa…” I sigh. 

“Did you talk to Reiner?” she asks cautiously. 

I shake my head and move to make room for her on the bench. Come to think of it, how’d she find me? This bench is obscured by tall trees and bushes, hiding me away from onlookers. 

“It’s going to be dark soon, we should head back home then,” she suggests. 

“Yeah, I’m getting cold. I’ll just look for him tomorrow.” 

Even as we both agree that we should head back home, I remain seated and so does she. I don’t want to go home just yet. I don’t want to go into my room and force myself to sleep. 

When I’m with Mikasa, it’s weird… I feel good, better about myself. Tsk. What in the hell am I saying? This doesn’t mean anything. 

_ You held her hand underneath the sand, Eren… and you realized something you never thought you’d feel.  _

“Can we just sit here?” I ask her. 

She nods as she gets more comfortable on the bench. No words between us, only comfort. At least that’s what I’ve always felt with her. 

There’s no reason for us to say anything, but there’s a lot I want to say to her, to ask her, and just talk. I don’t know what’s stopping me, really. Is it that I’m afraid that something between us will change, or am I afraid she might flat out reject me. 

I’m a year older today and I think it’s time for me to finally have the courage to- I don’t know… tell her I like her. 

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I will myself to speak, but before I do she’s staring at me, and I can’t speak, because the way she is staring at me… it pierces through my soul. 

Those gray eyes… They have so much to tell me, so much to say, and for the first time I want to ask her. 

“Eren…” she begins, “I’m sorry your birthday wasn’t what you wanted.” 

“Huh?” I stutter. 

“I didn’t get you the socks,” she says softly, almost embarrassed. 

“You don’t have to get me anything, you know.” 

“Yeah, I know, but still… I wanted to get you something nice. 

“This is enough,” I smile. 

“What is?” she ponders. 

“This,” I say waving a hand between us. 

“We’re just sitting on a park bench.” 

“Yeah,” I assure. 

“And this is enough?” she wonders. 

“Yeah,” I repeat. 

I look up to the swaying trees and wonder how this is not as hard as I thought. Me talking to her. 

“Uhm, Mikasa?” 

“Yes, Eren?” 

“Uh, there’s this really cool art exhibit next week… Do you want to go?” 

“Does Armin want to see it?” 

“No… Armin doesn’t know.” 

“Oh… just you and me then…” she trails off. 

“Yes, just you and me- I mean you don’t have to go if you think it’ll be boring, I just thought that maybe-” 

“I’d like to go,” she interrupts. 

The rustle of the leaves scrapping the sidewalk fills my ears as I force myself to move and do something… anything. 

“Uhm, Eren?” she asks. 

“Yeah?” 

“Happy Birthday…” she purses her lips for a split second, catching the plump flesh of her bottom lip between her teeth as she moves her hand to cover her forehead and then it moves to her lap in rapid succession, as she brings it back up to her forehead again. 

“Is something wrong?” I ask. 

“Uhm, no… hmm, it’s just… I really wanted to give you something special for your birthday.” 

“Mikasa, I told you that this is enough.”

She shakes her head and again purses her lips as she says, “I wanted today to be special.” 

“How?” 

I look down at her hands and she clasps and unclasps them as she flutters her eyes to a close and she whispers, “I’m sorry.” 

“What? Why?” I sputter in utter confusion. 

_ What is she going on about? What could she be sorry for?  _

“If you hadn’t gone to look for me, maybe you could’ve been there for Armin and-” 

I sigh as I close my eyes and mutter, “We need to move forward, I will talk to Reiner and he will understand, he has to.” 

“Yeah…” 

“Let’s just sit here for now.” 

“Hmm.” 

The sun is almost done setting, the moon is making itself known and the cool breeze makes the goosebumps on my skin rise. It’s the complete opposite of that day on the beach. 

Daylight is wasting… and all I want to do is kiss her. It’s weird, why do I want to do this? Because all I see is her, there’s no other thought in my head, she’s all I want. 

An impulse, a push, something in me pulls my hand to rest next to hers, and I think that’s all that’s going to happen, but suddenly… she puts her hand into mine. 

I’ve always wanted superpowers, ever since I was a kid, and right now with her hand in mine, it feels like I’ve got a superpower. I am superhuman. 

_ Why does she make me feel like this? _ Like I can fight a giant flesh eating monster with one punch. If that were to happen in an impossible world, I wouldn’t be scared as long as she’s by my side. I’d punch a shark, a titan, anyone, because nothing can stop me from protecting her. 

Time slows down when I’m with her, nothing matters, but her, and my lips ache to be near her lips. It is then that a gentle squeeze is felt as she continues to hold onto me and I stare into those gray eyes that have captivated me since the day I met her. 

Her lips… that curve in her mouth that lines that soft pink skin, I need to know how they feel. Something pulls me and I can’t be stopped and when she does the same thing and moves forward to meet me in the middle, there’s no hesitation as I take her lips into mine. 

She squeezes my hand as I reach to wrap my arm around her back and I pull her closer as I can feel the tickle of her short exhales against my upper lip as I dissolve against her. She takes my lips into hers and I move my face to the side as I take in the taste of her mouth and vanish. 

I’m kissing her… I’m kissing Mikasa Ackerman and it feels great. It’s like a light has entered me and she is telling me she feels the same way I feel for her, because why would she be kissing me if she didn’t? 

She’s the light in a shadow, a breath after coming up from the bottom of the ocean, and I love her, I love her so much. 

I don’t even remember when my hand moved to the back of her head and became entangled in her hair, but here I am pulling her closer. I’m too young for this feeling, I don’t think my body can take it. 

I break from the kiss for a moment just to stare at her, and she is red in the face as I smile like a fool. This feeling is drowning me and pulling me apart and I don’t know what to do with myself. What the  _ fuck…  _

It hurts. 

Mikasa frowns as she looks at me and asks, “Is something wrong?” 

My mouth falls open and I shake my head as I force myself to smile, because I am suddenly scared. 

“Eren?” 

“I’m good, Mikasa,” I say. 

I’m good and very scared… because, how can she love me back? Is she just being nice to me just because? 

I am about to spiral into a swirl of doubt when she slowly takes my chin into her palm and she makes me look at her. 

“Eren…” she mutters as she glances down on my lips and she takes them into mine. I almost gasp as I look her into the eye and flutter my eyes to a close and I feel it. I feel how her lips react to mine and how she wants me to kiss her back, and I do. 

She can love someone like me, can she? I’m not special enough for her to even like someone like me, I’ve never been special enough for someone to feel strongly for me. What could possibly-

“Eren..” she mutters in between the kiss, “I… love you.” 

My stomach fills with a glowing feeling that I possibly can’t explain.  _ She loves me. _

This kiss feels like a promise, like an always and forever, and I don’t want to let her go, ever. I don’t want this feeling to ever become erased, because I love how I feel, but what is this gnawing feeling inside me, it feels like this can’t be. It’s almost a premonition. 

I break the kiss and hold her face in between my hands and stare into her as if I’m staring into her soul. It’s almost like I’m staring into myself…  _ a mirror.  _

“I love you so much, you don’t even know. Mikasa… you don’t even know how I feel about you.” 

There are tears in her eyes and she smiles, “Eren…” 

It’s not until she wipes my cheek that I realize that I am crying as well. 

“Why are you crying?” she asks softly. 

“Why are you?” I respond with a question. 

We both suddenly smile and we laugh lightly. I pull her close to me and kiss the side of her head taking in the familiar smell of her hair. I move to kiss her forehead and she smiles again. 

How did I get so lucky to have someone like her walk into my life. “Eren… kiss me,” she says in a barely whispered voice, and I smile at her because that’s all I want to do. 

I sniffle in surprise as I take her lips in a slow peck and move to take her mouth into mine. She then wraps her hands gently on my cheeks and pushes my hair gently away from my forehead. Meanwhile, all I try to do is remember this feeling. 

_ Remember it Eren, remember this moment.  _

Why is this the only thing that’s crossing my mind. 

_ Remember her touch, her lips, her scent, lock it safely in your heart and hold on to it.  _

She buries her face into my chest and a giggle escapes her. I sigh and chuckle as I wrap my arms around her and we sit on the bench for what feels like forever, with her head on my shoulder. This feels right, so right, but still… it feels like a fleeting dream. 

We remain on the bench for what feels like hours. The sun rays are at their last blossom, there is not much time until every street becomes overtaken by darkness, still, I smile. It can turn pitch black, but Mikasa is holding my hand, and that’s all that matters. 

I then feel the gentle touch of her hands, as she gently wraps part of her scarf around my neck. 

_ Oh- and it smells just like her.  _

This scarf carries her scent, and it is in the depths of the red thread, where her unique fragrance is encapsulated. 

“Hey… Mikasa?” 

I wait for her to speak, but there’s no answer. I turn to her and she is fast asleep on my shoulder and I smile softly as I watch her. 

She looks so at peace, she always does, she is simply serene. I stare for what could be forever, and then I blink twice very slowly… then once, then no more, as I slowly relax my head next to hers. 

It’s not until I hear the quiet whisper of Armin’s voice, followed by the nudge of my shoulder that I realize that Mikasa and I have fallen asleep. 

“Huh?” I mutter as I turn to Armin, who smiles as he glances at Mikasa and I’s interlocked hands. 

“Eren…” he says, but this time his smile turns glum as he looks away and bites his lip in anguish. 

“Armin? What’s wrong?” I ask groggily. 

“I did it.”

“Did what?” I ask as I carefully move Mikasa’s head to not wake her. 

Armin’s smile appears again when he sees this and even I smile at him, because I know what he’s thinking.  _ Finally.  _

Nevertheless, again, his smile disappears and he becomes concerned.

“I went to tell Reiner,” he says matter of fact. 

“You what?” I gasp. 

“I thought it’d be better to explain things in a calm manner,” Armin continues, but he pauses. 

“And what?” I press trying so hard to not move and wake Mikasa. 

“Apparently someone beat me to it,” he says grimly. 

“What do you mean?” I ask with confusion. 

“When I went to look for him… he wasn’t there, Annie told me that he’s looking for you.”

“Me?” 

“She said he was out of it, left with someone, but she wasn’t sure who.”

“Out of it?” 

“Yeah… Reiner thinks you pushed Bertholdt trying to defend me.” 

“What?” I ask in surprise, “You know I didn’t!”

“I’ve been looking everywhere for him to explain what actually happened and so far it’s as if he vanished.” 

I am concerned over what Armin just told me, but to tell you the truth I am still flying high on this feeling stemming from the root of my heart. 

Mikasa shakes her head lightly as she yawns and both Armin and I stare at her as she blinks her eyes open. She looks at me first and smiles, however, when she turns to Armin, her eyes widen and she sits up straight in  a flash. 

“Armin…” she muses. 

Armin just waves a hand over and grins, “It’s okay, Mikasa, no need to be shy.” 

“Oh,” she breathes as a scarlet tint crosses the bridge of her nose and spreads to her cheeks.  _ Cute _ . 

“Let’s go home, Mikasa, it’s late,” I smile. 

She nods her head and takes a hold of my hand as we both stand up not caring that Armin is watching this exchange. 

My steps feel light as we walk hand in hand and I can’t help thinking that this day, though it started grim, seems to be ending on a good note. 

**∞**

We walk through the neighborhood and the familiar shops we’ve come accustomed to. Eren and I continue to hold hands, and yes, we glance at each other and smile like two idiots every thirty seconds that I almost feel bad for Armin. 

“Darn it! I have to return a book to the library and with everything going on today, I almost forgot,” Armin suddenly interrupts. 

“I have the book with me, so I’ll just go on my own,” he says.

However, I notice the way Armin’s hand shakes as he says this, and I flinch when I take a good look at his bruised face. He did a good job curing his wound, but they are still very fresh and swollen. 

I look at Armin and offer to go with him, because I just know he doesn’t want to be alone right now. 

“Armin, I can go with you,” I offer. 

Armin looks hesitant as he looks at mine and Eren’s intertwined hands and he’s about to shake his head, but Eren interrupts. 

“Why don’t you guys go? I left in such a hurry earlier that I didn’t get to eat any of my cake.” 

Eren let’s go of my hand and points to the direction where his home is. 

It is then that Armin and I stare at each other with a knowing smirk over Eren’s true reason for not wanting to go to the library. 

It is not uncommon for Eren to get in trouble there for being too loud, and to put it lightly… he and the librarian don’t get along. 

“I get it, Eren,” Armin teases, “You don’t want to get yelled at again.” 

“What? Armin! It’s not that… the library is boring that’s all.” 

The way Eren shoves his hands in his pockets and looks away in embarrassment, has me smiling at how cute he looks when he is flustered. 

“It’ll be quick,” I assure Eren, “But go on, I’ll see you at home…” I say as I brush a strand of hair behind my ear. 

Eren’s face changes and freezes for a moment as a small smile tugs at the side of his lip, he then scuffs the tip of his shoe on the gravel as he digs his gaze into mine and mutters, “I do want to tell my parents.” 

“Huh?” 

“About… us,” he clarifies. 

“Oh…” 

“There’s nothing wrong with that… right?” he assures. 

I shake my head and utter a quiet, “No,” accompanied by a smile as my face heats up at the thought of his parents knowing that Eren and I… I can’t even finish the thought. It’s truly unbelievable. 

“I’ll see you later then.” 

“It’ll be quick,” I repeat. 

We stand awkwardly for a moment not knowing what to do with this parting, it’s weird actually. 

“Bye,” he finally says and before he opens his arms I am walking towards him and let him wrap his arms around me. 

We don’t say anything and just relax into each other’s arms as he whispers into my ear, “See you later.” 

We part ways and he turns around with a cheerful smile as he waves both Armin and I goodbye. I smile offering him a slow wave goodbye. 

There’s a sudden pang in my chest as I see him leave because it somehow feels like a farewell. 

“Let’s go, Mikasa,” Armin says as he nudges my shoulder. 

“Hm-mm.” 

I turn to follow him and Eren turns away too. As we walk the street lights turn on, casting shadows of my and Armin’s silhouettes dancing carelessly on the sidewalk. 

I don’t mean to, but I then find myself looking behind my shoulder to take one look at Eren’s retreating form. 

“Eren…” I whisper under my breath. 

“What’d you say?” Armin ponders. 

“Oh, nothing.” 

“Yeah… nothing,” Armin smiles as he looks back to Eren. “You know Mikasa, I sort of always knew.” 

“Knew what?” I say as I look forward.

“Your feelings- both of you actually, it was becoming obvious.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Hey… Armin… do you think Eren and I can actually stay together?” 

“Forever?” 

“Um- that’s a long time, hmm... but yes.” 

Armin looks at me and grins as he says, “Forevers don’t exist... however, I do believe that Eren and you… well I can’t picture you two apart for too long.” 

I grin, “Thanks Armin.” 

“No problem,” he says returning the smile, as we turn the corner to get to our destination. 

**∞**

After almost an hour we are headed back to Eren’s home and an ambulance passes us and at first we think nothing of it, however, suddenly, a cop car, and then another cop car follow. Armin and I watch like any person who gets startled by the blaring sounds of sirens and see how it turns the corner where Eren’s home is. 

At first, disbelief hits me, because what if- 

“Eren,” I mutter as I take off running after the commotion. 

“Mikasa!” Armin shouts behind me, but it’s useless. My feet are moving with the sole purpose to get to Eren. 

“No, no, no,” I mutter as I watch how the flashing vehicles head right where Eren lives. 

No, please.. No… those cops and ambulances are headed somewhere else!  _ Right?  _

To the neighbor’s home, or maybe they got the wrong address, but they shouldn’t be heading to the Yeager household. He’s okay, Eren is okay. They are all okay, I repeat as I hold on to the warm scarf wrapped around my neck. 

_ They will be okay.  _

I am expecting the same scene I’ve always seen upon turning the corner. Nevertheless… this isn’t the case, because all I see are two lifeless bodies on the asphalt. 

“No,” I gasp, “Not again.” 

I walk towards the scene despite the warnings, despite the yellow tape, and despite the visible pools of blood underneath the two bodies I’ve come to love. 

I don’t know if I speak, I don’t know if I’m crying because right now… everything feels fake, like a cruel joke someone with bad humor came up with. 

Everything suddenly feels cold. I touch the scarf around my neck and tug to make sure it’s actually there. It is. 

“Eren?” I mutter. 

_ Where is he? _ Eren.

I look everywhere, but my head is spinning around in circles and I feel like I might fall at any moment if I don’t sit down. Yet, I remain standing. 

I hear shouting near me, the angry voice calls to me and I turn to the source because the owner of the voice is one I know deep within the jungle of a loud crowd. 

_ Why? What’s going on? Why is he in handcuffs? Where are they taking him? My head spins, my side hurts, everything hurts. I look down to my side and it hurts, why is there blood? What’s going on? Where are they taking Eren?  _

_ “Eren don’t go!” I shout, but my voice has left me and I am mute.  _

_ Eren.  _

_ Eren.  _

_ Eren.  _

_ Eren.  _

_ Oh- I see, it’s this nightmare again.  _

“Eren… don’t go, don’t go… Eren.” 

“I’m right here, Mikasa,” he speaks again, but it’s the voice of a man. 

The hand that holds my hand is big and strong, and I squeeze. It squeezes back. 

Everything hurts. 

I open my eyes slowly and even that hurts. I am so tired. 

Eren, a grown, mature Eren looks at me and smiles, but his eyes are swollen and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. 

“Rest, Mikasa… I’m right here, I’ll always be here.” 

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep again. 


	13. Too Young To Hold Good Love, Still I Hold On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa is in the hospital with Eren by her side. An expected confrontation involving their feelings for each other occurs between them here. 
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day <3

I am a fool for letting her back into my life. I am an idiot for remaining by her side. 

It’s been two days since she’s been shot and she’s drifted in and out of consciousness in that time. We made it to the hospital in time before the worst could happen and I haven’t had a good hour of sleep since then. 

Marco and Jean have been working tirelessly since the incident happened, and Marco hasn’t even been to the apartment, opting to sleep in his office. 

Reiner has disappeared and he is nowhere to be seen. To make matters worse, everyone at the hotel he was staying in, seemed to vanish, including Armin. 

He’s my last hope right now. I know he’ll come up with something.

Still, Mikasa almost died because of me. She was willing to give her life for some low life like me, and I just can’t accept that. I truly don’t know what I would’ve done if she had lost her life. 

I would’ve gone mad and burned the world whole. 

“Tsk,” I groan at the crinkle of paper accompanying the monotone beeps of the machines that she’s hooked onto. 

_ Stupid letter... Why do I even have it with me? _

_ It’s been the only thing that’s kept me busy these last few days. I’ve read it over and over again, and it hurts me every single time those black etched letters reach the darkened crevice of my soul.  _

I take out the piece of paper for the tenth time today and hold it out as I glance at Mikasa. 

_ I wonder if she can hear me in this state?  _

She’s been muttering my name here and there, opening her eyes and closing them right back. The doctors say she’s out of danger, but that didn’t stop me from pushing a doctor against a wall when he stated the opposite. They warned me that I wouldn’t be allowed in the hospital if my behavior didn't change, so I forced myself to calm down. 

It’s been painful watching her life teeter like this, it’s been the worst knowing I was at fault. 

Why would she jump in front of a bullet for someone like me? Argh… I don’t know. 

“Eren…” she mutters again. 

I give her hand a gentle squeeze and sigh as I run my hand over her forehead.  _ Good. _ No more fever. I’m glad. The fevers that will hit her during this state will always make me think that her life was at the edge of death, making every fiber in my being scream in anguish, muttering during those times for me to not leave her alone in this world. 

“Why’d you do it?” I ask her unconscious state. 

_ Why can someone like me deserve to be okay while she battles on a hospital bed for her life?  _

Still, the possibility exists. Was the reason she jumped for that bullet because she still cares for me? Can this really be a reason she almost lost her life trying to save mine? 

Can she really still hold feelings for me? 

Lost in thought, I run my free hand over the black ink on the piece of white paper. This was the last letter she sent me while I was in prison. The one that broke every fiber of my being. Despite this letter filling me with angst and pain, it manages to fill me with a sliver of hope. And this sliver of hope is the one guiding my hand to take a hold of the paper inside the folds of my pocket. 

I read it every night. Never did I understand why I put myself through the words she wrote to me, but deep down it kept me going, does she know about the seed she planted inside of me? She made me not lose myself in the despair of being locked up, even if she was far away from me, holding her memory close to me kept me moving forward. 

“Eren…” she suddenly mumbles. 

My hand reaches for her, wrapping my thumb over hers and rubbing in it in a soothing manner. My other hand holds the open letter, and my eyes gloss over her words once more as I clear my throat: 

“Eren,” I begin. 

_ Eren, Eren, Eren, I say your name hoping that you could hear it even if the Pacific Ocean stands between us. Even the stars know your name, did you know that? I whisper it to them every night. They know about you, and I tell them to shine a little brighter when night reaches you on your side. If you actually read my letters, then you should know that I finally listened to my aunt and went to therapy. If you don’t, then I will be letting the trash can know that your name was the first thing that slipped out of my mouth when she asked me to open up.  _

_ I told her everything about us. About how thankful I am to have you be a part of my life. She smiled, and laughed at the things that you’ve done, because frankly Eren, you are a crazy, fun guy. She says that you sound like a very VERY energetic boy and I laughed because she doesn’t know half of it!  _

_ I told her how every time I see a kid with a streak of melted ice cream running down their hands, I think of you. She says that’s the piece of you that lives in me. This made me wonder, do you also carry a piece of me inside of you?  _

_ But, I also told her about the things you did that to this day make me cry, and she held my hand as I balled my eyes out. She says I have a right to feel how I do. But I cried even more when she told me something about you that I didn’t want to hear. She told me that I have to let you go.  _

_ It’s hard for me to say this, but she’s right. I must let you go, because that’s something that comes so easy for you to do with me. You let me go without a second thought, and I hate how easy it was for you to let me leave that day.  _

_ This is the last letter I write to you, because my therapist is right, I must move on. It’ll take time, but I will do it. I will be Mikasa Ackerman, who waits for no one. I will be a woman who will receive what she gives.  _

_ Why am I writing these things to you? I don’t even know anymore. Maybe because this is the last letter I will be writing to you. If you want to answer this letter, please just answer me this: How do you keep moving forward without me, when I can barely breath not knowing about how you are?  _

_ Sincerely,  _

_ Mikasa  _

_ P.S. Eren, she told me one last thing about you… she told me that if you really loved me, you’d come back to me. The thing is that I don’t know how long I’ll be waiting for, and if I can still love the person you’ve become.  _

I sigh, and in a quivering whisper I ask, “Can I still be the person she can love?” 

Can someone who hasn’t lived with society in years be the right person to a woman like Mikasa… the reality is that she deserves the world. 

_ A sigh. A breath of fresh air, a light shuffle of hospital sheets. Gray stoic eyes, calm like the tepid waters of a pond staring back at me.  _

She’s awake. 

Immediately, embarrassment rains down on me because I know she heard me reading her letter. 

“M-Mikasa…” I almost gasp. 

“Where am I?” she asks as she stealthily slips her hand out of mine. 

“Hospital,” I answer as I put the letter away pretending that I did not just read it. 

“Oh,” she responds as she looks at the spot on my pocket my letter has disappeared into. 

She looks down at the spot where she was shot and she grimaces as she tries to sit up. 

I quickly move to help her up and at first she flinches upon feeling my touch, “Please, let me help,” I say. 

She doesn’t say anything but within seconds she relaxes her grip on me as I firmly take a hold of her and help her sit up. 

The room becomes filled with awkward silence and all I can do is stand idly, until I clear my throat to speak.

“I’m going to tell the doctor that you’re awake.” 

“Hmm.” 

She nods and I swallow hard as I turn to leave the room, trying to get out of here, because I don’t know how much she heard just now. I want to run. 

**∞**

After hours of examinations and making sure Mikasa is okay, does the doctor give us the clear to take her home. Nurses and doctors were impressed by her quick recovery and congratulated her on her healthy physique, and Mikasa calmly accepted their praise. 

I wait outside as she gets ready in her room, and there’s a wheelchair at the ready to have her avoid walking for too long. I grip the handles with my sweaty palms and squeeze as I hear the door handle move and prepare to see her, ignoring the excitement I feel upon my eyes landing on her. 

“I’m ready,” she says. 

She wears simple joggers and a t-shirt I randomly got from her room. I really hope she likes the clothes I picked for her. 

I know that I am staring a little too long as she moves a strand of hair behind her ear, and tries to look away from me, embarrassed maybe. _ Why am I an idiot?  _

I break the weird tension between us and wave an awkward hand over the wheelchair for her to sit. Nevertheless, her face turns to one of confusion as she says, “I can walk.” 

_ So stubborn, like always.  _

“The doctor didn’t give a choice, so get on the wheelchair.” 

I cringe to myself as I realize that I am coming off as if I’m ordering her and I hope she’s not getting annoyed by me. I stare, waiting for her to walk away and leave me with the wheelchair at hand, but instead she holds my gaze and simply sighs, as she carefully takes her seat. 

She holds my gaze for a moment and my palms become pools of water as I watch her settle on the seat. When she’s ready, I push her through the hallways of the hospital until we reach the exit. 

I don’t know what to do. I came on the subway here, but I don’t want to make Mikasa walk, and shockingly enough, there is not a single taxi around. I should probably call Marco, maybe he can come and pick us up and that should-. 

“There’s an Uber nearby,” she interrupts. 

“Uber?” I ask. 

For a second Mikasa smiles at my confusion, but she’s quick to remove the smile from her face as she says, “It’s here.” 

“But we don’t know them?” 

“Just get on,” she says calmly, yet sternly. 

“Yeah.” 

I don’t fight it, I simply do as I’m told and move to open the car door and swiftly help her inside. I grip my sweaty palms and tell myself that she didn’t hear me reading her letter. I’m sure she didn’t, because if she did… what could she be thinking about me right now. 

**∞**

It is night by the time we make it back to Marco’s apartment. Before we enter, Mikasa stands up from the wheelchair and says, “I can walk, I don’t need the wheelchair.” 

I nod in understanding as I stop to let her off. She stands up, opens the door and walks slowly inside. 

She looks around the quiet apartment, probably expecting a welcome from Marco, but when she doesn’t, she asks, “Where’s Marco?” 

“He’s sleeping at his office tonight,” I respond as I struggle to close the chair properly, “He’s been doing that for the last couple of days.” 

Damn this chair, it’s so hard to-

It is then that her letter slips from my pocket.  _ Fuck.  _

I can feel her gaze on me as I scramble to get the letter with a little more desperation than I would like to show. I don’t dare look up as I shove the paper back into my pocket and it is so quiet that not even a knife can cut the tension building up in the room. 

It is not until I hear Mikasa’s footsteps against the wooden floor that I look up to see she’s walking away. Nevertheless, her steps falter and she comes to a stop as she whispers with her back to me, “Why do you have the letter?” 

I stay quiet. 

She turns around as her tear filled eyes beg me to answer her. I look away from her and I can’t move for the life of me, and the words I want to tell her don’t come out. 

“Answer me,” she whispers. 

I stay quiet and a path with two roads appears in front of me: I can stay quiet and run away leaving her in pain, or I can be honest with her. 

Still, I stay quiet. 

“Please… Eren, answer  _ me _ .” 

“You have to rest,” I tell her, digging my gaze into the black boots adorning my feet, not daring to look into her eyes. __

_How do I answer her?_ _Her love is too good for someone like me, I can’t keep her close._

Nonetheless, when I hear her hiss in pain I jolt to look up at her as she tries to get close to me. 

“Why… do you have the letter?” she asks as she holds onto her side. 

“Tell me…” 

She looks at me disappointed, and she turns to walk away, but I don’t want her to. I want her to know that-

“I… I kept all those letters you sent me,” I mutter. 

Silence. Absolute silence. 

But then, a thin frail voice asks, “Why didn’t you write me back? Why didn’t you come out to stop me from leaving that day?” 

I just stare at her and don’t answer, and she stares back at me in disappointment seeming to understand that I won’t tell her what she wants to hear. 

Slowly, she backs away and turns around. __

_ Good,  _ I think,  _ I have to let her turn around, I have to let her go.  _

But then she suddenly mutters, “I’m going to see Levi, then I will leave. I’m never coming back, I want you to know that.” She stays quiet for a moment but then she adds, “I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I came to see you… to make sure that you’d be okay with never seeing me again... and I got my answer.” 

_ Let her go, Eren.  _

She turns around as she holds her side again, and she leans against the couch for support. I’m about to go help her, but I stop myself... I have to let her walk away like this- but…  _ I’ve missed her so much. Fuck, I’ve missed her so much. I can’t let her go.  _

I don’t think, I don’t stop myself, and I move forward to ask the question that’s been bothering me the entire time she’s been unconscious. 

“Why did you save me?” 

She stops moving, and I can see the way her fingers curl around the material at the edge of the couch. Immediately, the sound of the never ending honking horns of the city washes inside and fills the empty room. 

_ Why did I ask? Why do I care so much?  _

Silence. 

“Isn’t… isn’t it obvious, Eren?” 

I don’t answer and watch in awe as she turns to walk towards me, with tears welled up in her eyes. 

“After all this time you still wonder why?” 

“You can’t love someone like me... no one can,” my pathetic voice answers. 

She continues to look at me and my voice trembles as I say, “I want you to leave back to Tokyo… I never want to see you again.” 

I continue to watch as she moves until she is standing right in front of me, and she shakes her head as she softly asks, “You don’t really want me to leave… do you?” 

Her warm soft hand caresses the tears on my cheeks that have inevitably begun to fall, and I place my hand over her hand and remove it. 

“I... am not the man you deserve.” 

“Why do you pull away from me, Eren?” she says as she places her forehead against my temple, “Why can’t you understand the way I feel?” 

_ What’s this feeling inside of me? Why do I want her to get closer to me. Her skin… her scent, it fills my senses to the brim, and I want to hold her, I want to tell her I don’t want her away from me, ever. Yet, my words say the opposite of what I’m feeling.  _

“Mikasa… you can’t be with someone like me, there’s better people for you in this world.” 

“Eren? Why do you keep running from me? If I leave and you never see me again will you be okay with that? Please… just answer me that honestly.” 

_ No. I would never be okay with never seeing her again.  _

I shut my eyes and struggle to swallow. I need to tell her to go away. That I never want to see her again, and so I lie when I tell her, “I don’t want you to leave.” 

She removes her forehead away from my skin, and she looks me deep in my eyes. I see it in the way she looks at me, she loves me. There’s never been a lie that the eyes have told, and I am sure my eyes are telling her my truth, because when I look… I look at her with the same certainty that death comes for all... _ that I love her.  _

_ I love her more than anything in the world, more than a man can love, and this love burns me. It pains me to feel so much for her. It always has.  _

“Eren…” she says as she moves my face closer to hers until I can feel her breath above my lips.  _ I’ve stopped breathing. _ Because I’ve replayed our first kiss over and over again, countless times, and to have her this close to me again, after so many years, I just can’t ignore the burn that has overtaken all over my body. I kiss her. 

It feels like an impossible dream the way her plush lips press against mine. So soft, so firm,  _ so mine. _ Her arms fall around my shoulders like a cloak shielding me from the dark cold world, and the warmth that blooms within me pours out of me like an urn holding a thousand suns destroying every shadow placed between us. 

Her hands gently grip my shoulder blades and she breaks the kiss. 

“I don’t want to go,” she says. 

“Mikasa…” 

The armor I shielded myself with for years is no match for her. She breaks it down with a simple touch and her deep gaze bores into mine refusing to look away. The ember I tried to blow out, bursts into a wildfire from the ashes. A fire bright and glorious refusing to be extinguished even if every drop of water in the Pacific Ocean were to be poured over it. 

“Mikasa...”

“Eren...”

My fingers land on her cheek and lightly rub over her scar as the ends of her hair gently brush against my hand. Her hand cups over mine and she cradles her face in my hand.

“I missed you,” I whisper. 

I bring my other hand to meet her other cheek and tilt her head up. 

_ My Mikasa, she never left. _

I give up, I throw my hands to the air and give in to this feeling that’s fought tirelessly in it’s cage.  _ I am free.  _

I slowly bring my lips to meet hers and wrap my arms around her waist, lifting her up to bring her closer to me. 

“You can’t imagine how much I’ve missed you,” I whimper against her mouth. 

Mikasa wipes her hands over the tears that can’t stop falling down from my face and she brings a loose strand of hair away from my face. 

A warmth has spread all through my body. A warmth I want to share with her. More than ever, I want to show her how much I love her. 

Her lips hover over mine and I can feel her gentle breath as she whispers, “Eren… I want to be yours.” My body freezes and I break the kiss to gulp. I desperately search into her eyes to make sure she means it, and there is no indication she doesn’t want this any less than I do. 

I don’t speak as I lift her up, and she wraps her legs around my waist. For a second, she strains a little because of her wound, reminding me to be gentle with her. I break the kiss to make sure I didn’t hurt her and I ask concerned, “Are you okay?” 

However, she doesn’t answer me and simply takes my mouth into hers. 

When she hums into my mouth, I become lightheaded and I try my damned best to carefully walk us back to the couch. 

I guide her to settle on top of me, and she pins me in between her thighs, as she straddles me. My craving for her has never felt stronger, so needy, wanting more from her, more now than ever. Slowly, her clothed hips grind against mine as a muffled moan slips into my mouth. 

My eyes inadvertently flutter to a close as she darts her slick tongue over mine and I feel like a puppet at her mercy. Her hands then hover over mine as she guides them to settle on the buttons of her shirt. 

My heart beats loud as I gulp nervously and take my time unbuttoning her shirt, nevertheless when the bandages around her torso are revealed I freeze. I’m about to tell her that we should stop, I really don’t want to hurt her, but that’s when I feel her fingers settle underneath my chin, and she makes me look at her. 

She smiles at me and I smile back, becoming lost inside her gray eyes. I almost wince when her fingertips abandon my skin, however when she moves to take off her shirt, my eyes almost bulge out, as I gawk at her bra covered breasts. 

My fingers tremble a little as she moves my hands to the strap behind her back. She’s blushing and looks at me timidly... because she wants me to take it off. 

I gulp. 

_ I can’t believe it. Ex-convict, Eren Yeager, afraid to take off Mikasa Ackerman’s bra.  _

Many nights I thought about her in the dampness of my cell, when my body couldn’t control the yearning and want of having someone beside me. There were dirty magazines available of course, but that never did it for me, because everytime I closed my eyes it was her who I wanted. It was her curves, her face, her heat that I wanted on me, and I imagined and painted pictures in my mind. However now, it isn’t a figment of my imagination that stands before me, but Mikasa in the flesh asking me to make her mine. 

My breath hitches as I feel the clasp come undone under my fingers, and I lick my lips in anticipation as the flimsy material slides off her.  **_Fuck._ **

I feel all the blood in my body rush south to a very, very needy part of me. Her eyes are screwed shut and I run my hands down her bare back, feeling every goosebump that rises from her pores. She slowly opens her eyes, and I’m looking at her with my heart at my throat. I need to make her mine, I need to be hers. 

Mikasa then brings her fingers to the back of my head and pushes me close to her chest. I revel in the feeling of her bare breasts cradled against my face and I whisper to her with every beat of my heart. 

“Mikasa… please don’t leave me.” 

Her beating heart is the only one that answers for now, but nevertheless, she answers. 

“Never.” 

I move my head to look up at her and she dips her head to reach me. Our lips come together as she moves her hands under my shirt, lightly grazing her nails against my chest. We break our kiss so I can remove my shirt and we quickly connect our lips together again. 

I kiss her neck, moving my thirsty lips lower to her collarbone, until I am met with the pink perky bud of her nipple. She hums as my tongue swirls around her perky point. I stare at my work and my heavy breath fans over her bud, as she runs her nails gently through my hair, smoothing it away from my face and I quickly get to work on her other breast. 

My hand moves to squeeze her other breast, while my fingers bring her nipple between them and I rub it at a lazy pace. Why? Because time has stopped, and I want to take advantage of this by engraving every part of her at the edge of my finger tips. When I gaze up at her, her eyes are closed in bliss, her mouth is slightly open, and her lips have never called to me how they do in this moment. 

“Eren… Eren… Eren.” 

I detach my lips from her cleavage and she opens her eyes into mine. I don’t have to tell her that I want to kiss her, because she holds my face and brings her face to meet mine. There, right there in her eyes, I can see a fire, and it’s waiting to explode, meanwhile I am the one holding the match, and I am ready to light it. 

Quickly, I slip my tongue into hers and move my hands to the button of her pants. She places her hands on top of mine and guides me to unbutton her jeans. I guide her to lie on her back as our mouths continue to ravish each other. I then move to stand on my knees before her, and grasp the waistband of her pants and pull down. 

She lifts her hips up to make it easier for me to take off her pants, and soon all that’s left is her black underwear. Her hand is over her mouth and the other is draped over her eyes as her blush intensifies. Meanwhile, my eyes rake over her body, and I bring the hairs that have escaped my bun behind my ear, as I bite my lip and take in every inch of her body.

“You’re beautiful,” I whisper. 

She moves her hand away from her eyes and looks at me as I hook my fingers on the waistband of her underwear. I pull down and my breath hitches as I take in Mikasa in all her glory. The ravenous appetite I feel for her can’t be contained much longer. My body moves lower on instinct and I take a hold of her leg, making a trail of kisses from her foot all the way to her inner thighs. 

I inhale deeply as I take in her scent. It’s the smell of her scarf, mixed with her lotion mixed with something new to me, yet so familiar… so her. I look up to find that she’s watching me... waiting. 

“I love you,” I say in a fanned breath, and bring my lips to her juicy jewel. 

She gasps and I feel how her body trembles under my touch. She squirms in this slowed down beat and her hums fill the room in a chorus of pleasure. I then reach for her hand and she clasps it into mine, as I take in every liquid her body produces, enjoying the taste against my tongue. I lick her slowly at first, but the way her hips jut forward let’s me know that she wants more. I graze my knuckles over her sensitive bundle of nerves and she mewls softly, giving me the initiative to move my fingers repeatedly on that spot. 

I circle my thumb and press down several times at the spot that’s got her gasping for air, and even though she covers her face, I can see how she takes her lips between her teeth to stop her from making any noise. Her knuckles have become pale as she squeezes my hand hard. She’s on fire, and I’m the cause. 

“Hmm,” I moan against her, and she quivers under my tongue. 

“Eren, Eren, Ere-” she says in low fervent, desperate gasps, and suddenly I feel as her body twitches beneath my mouth. I stand back and I watch as she squirms and arches her back as she fails to contain her moans filled with my name. 

She looks so gorgeous like this and I can’t help but mutter, ““Fucking hell,” under my breath. 

Mikasa then tries to control her breathing as she looks at me with a passionate look in her eye. 

“Take off your pants,” she demands. 

Obligingly, I nod my head and stand up to take off my pants. I then watch how her toes curl when I stand bare and fully aroused before her. She runs her eyes up and down my body, hungrily, and it’s then that she brings her lips together and holds her hands out. 

“Eren… kiss me,” she pleads.

I am quick to listen, and move my body to hover over hers. She stares into my eyes and her mouth forms an ‘O’ shape as I push myself leisurely inside her dripping inviting core. 

“Fuck,” I hiss, and remain idle as I revel on this new feeling I can easily get accustomed to. 

I press my forehead to her forehead and I kiss her nose, as I feel her velvety walls stretch to fit me inside her. 

“Ah,” I pant. 

I bite my lip from making any more noise and my eyes threaten to shut as I try to control my hips from moving on their own. 

It’s not until I feel her hands on my hips that she guides my body to move. Next, I bring my lips down to her mouth and kiss her as I move slowly and pleasurably against her body. 

Nevertheless, when she screws her eyes shut and twitches slightly under me. I stop moving and look down at her bandages. 

“Am I hurting you?” I ask concerned, “Want me to stop?” 

She opens her eyes and shakes her head. 

“No. Just give me a moment.” 

“Tell me how you want me to move.” 

She gives me a nod, and after a few moments I again feel her hands take a hold of my hips and I let her guide them against her, and lord I am at her mercy. It feels like I’ve got a fever with every movement she makes me do. I keep reminding myself to be careful with her wound, but every thrust I give into her, makes me delirious and completely lost in the sway of her hips. 

It was passion drowned in sin. With the chant of her name serving as my saving grace. 

_ Mikasa, Mikasa, Mikasa. _

It almost sounds like a prayer as her name is the only thing to slip out of my mouth, and she serves as the ethereal angel that’s come to answer it. This is a contrast to when I feel her dig her nails into the back of my shoulder blades as she wills me to dig deeper into her core. 

Her back arches and her chest rises and I kiss her, as if I’m breathing fire into her. Soon, he meets the angle of my lips and they soften into each other like melted wax molding into one shape. Our heavy breathing turns to a sea of gasps as our bodies give themselves in to the other freely and willingly. 

**∞**

My bones rattle beneath my skin as I bring her leg over my shoulder and push myself deeper into her velvety walls. Her body suddenly stutters for a moment and I stop what I’m doing, thinking I’ve hurt her. 

“Are you okay?” I panic and there are tears pricking at the side of her eyes. _I am hurting her…_

Nevertheless, she clasps my forearm and looks at me with wide longing eyes. 

“No, keep doing that,” she pants lustfully… almost desperate from my lack of movement. 

The panicked frown I hold suddenly melts as a delighted smile overtakes it. I confidently secure her leg over my shoulder and move, and she’s eager to meet my hips with every thrust, when out of nowhere she hisses in between a whimper. 

“F-fuck... Eren.” 

I almost stop… because I made Mikasa cuss. 

I laugh and slow down my movements, as I enjoy this version of her, the version that’s sensuously needy and that easily comes undone under my touch. However, this version of Mikasa is quick to whine about my slower paced movements. I don’t let her protest and instead I take her mouth into mine again and carry her so she can be on top of me. 

She quickly wraps her legs around me and clasps her arms around my head and neck, bringing me to her. Our bodies are pressed so closely together that it truly feels like we are one and not two separate beings. 

My hands wrap around her bare bottom and I squeeze at the firm skin, as she drives her hips into mine and our sticky sweaty foreheads press against each other as I feel how her juices flow so freely down to me. 

This is a different kind of freedom. A carnal fire that bursts through our bodies and burns every untouched corner of the world. The diverging roads we took have melded, leading our bodies to unite into this moment. I can feel the heat pulling in the pit of my stomach and I look into her eyes as I strain to speak, I know she can feel it too. 

“M-Mikasa… I’m cu-”

She doesn’t let me finish my sentence as her grip on my entire body tightens. She’s not letting me go and I don’t want her to let me go, especially as I feel her wrap herself around me. I can’t last much longer, she’s so inviting and so ready for me. Quickly, I grab her face in between my palms and I press my forehead to her forehead, and pant the words that have always been settled at the tip of my tongue, “M-Mikasa, I love you.”

She smiles at me, and gives me a kiss on my lips as she whispers, “I love you.”

Suddenly, her cascading walls suddenly tighten around me as she spasms against me, squeezing and holding on to me as she pulls me in tighter, until I can’t contain myself, no matter how hard I try. And just like that I let myself go. 

Rattling bones, that’s all we are. As we both squirm and wither under each other’s climax. We bloom and come undone inside one another, as our knuckles pale at the tight grip we have on whatever our hands land on. Soonafter, a cascading chorus of ‘I love you’s’ cling to every intermingled grunt and moan our tired, renewed bodies create. 

Mikasa buries her face inside the crook of my neck as I feel her squeeze every single drop of me into her. I inadvertently grunt into her ear as her body melts into mine and she squeezes me and cradles my face against her. 

The room is quiet, with the only sound coming from our drawn out shallow breaths trying to collect themselves. Mikasa and I are unmoving, frozen in our own little world. 

After a few moments, I crane to meet her face and I carefully move her hair behind her ear as a blissful smile flowers on her face. The pink blush that’s been decorating her face continues to bloom and spread throughout her cheeks while I kiss her scar and I whisper against her cheek. 

“Are you okay?” 

Mikasa nods and gives me a singsong hum. 

“You?” 

_ Me? _ You can’t possibly wipe the smile off my face and she’s still asking me? 

I don’t know what takes hold of me as I hold her close to me and begin to pepper kisses all over her face. 

“I’m beyond good.” 

She giggles with her eyes closed and wraps her arms around my head, pushing me towards her. 

I promised myself that I would let her go to be happy, but every promise doesn’t work out that way. I’m here with her, closer than ever, and she’s giggling into my ear making me feel like I’m on top of the world. 

I tiredly put my cheek on her chest and relish on the feeling of her bare skin as she languidly runs her fingernails through my scalp. After minutes of silence and the lullaby of our smooth breathing against the other, I am about to fall asleep, but then she squirms underneath me. 

“I have to use the bathroom.” 

I hold her tight, I don’t want to let her go. 

“No.” 

“Eren,” she giggles. 

“Fine,” I sigh. 

I don’t want to move, but I do. I watch as she tries to cover herself when she gets up, and all I could do is smile. I’ve seen all of her. I’ve tasted her. Why would she hide? Before she can get her clothes, I grab them and shake my head. 

She frowns and she’s about to protest, but then she sees my shirt and grabs it before I could move. She slides it over her naked frame, and I really don’t mind watching her cover herself in my clothes. I like it. 

I watch her make her way quickly to the bathroom and I relax on the couch taking in what just happened between us. I pinch myself and to my delight, it hurts, because it means that it really happened. We made love. Mikasa and I made love. There’s nothing in my head right now, but the thought of us. I have forgotten about what’s waiting for us on the other side of the door, and outside this bubble we have now built. 

My mind is off, and my heart’s controlling everything I do right now. I grin as I get up and make my way to the door of the restroom. I wait until she opens the door, and it doesn’t take long before she does. At first, she startles when she sees me, and I quickly take her into my arms to kiss the top of her head. Luckily, she doesn’t waste a moment to wrap her arms around my back and she squeezes my sides as she looks up at me. 

We both don’t move and remain like this, until I look behind her and see Marco’s shower and get an idea. 

“Want to take a shower?” 

Mikasa turns around to see what I’m looking at and quietly says, “Yes.” 

She hesitates for a moment as she holds the hem of my t-shirt adorning her frame, however, it is then that she moves her hands to fling the shirt off her frame. And once again I am met with her naked body. She looks incredible as she reaches for my hand and leads me to the shower. 

Slowly, she turns on the water and the running noise of water almost muffles her quiet, “Eren, come on.” 

“Yeah,” is all I can answer, as she leads me. She can literally lead me to the end of the world, and I’d simply let her. 

**∞**

My back is to his chest and his arms are wrapped around me firmly. His fingertips lightly brush against my nipple and I feel so at peace as the water falls over us. I would have preferred a bath, but that’s not good for a gunshot wound, so shower it is. 

Eren’s not letting me do anything. He holds the shampoo bottle and asks me if that’s enough shampoo for me. I crane my head a little and let him run his hands through my hair. He’s so careful and I can’t help but close my eyes at the feel of his fingers caressing my scalp. He grabs the shower head and tilts my chin up as he delicately rinses the shampoo off. 

I find it cute how hard he is concentrating and how he is trying his best to be gentle with my wound. And the way he smiles down at me with the glimmer in his green eyes catching underneath the reflection of the light has got me feeling intoxicated. 

He then puts the shower head away, and holds my face between his hands. We stare into each other for a long time and he licks his lips before bringing his face closer to mine. It’s a soft kiss he gives me, but it is everything. 

His wet lips move against mine ever so gently, like he’s taking his time memorizing every line and crack of my lips onto his. As he kisses me, I can’t help thinking about how much I’ve missed him. 

Better yet, I never thought we could one day stand like this, under the shower head as he rinses shampoo off my hair, especially after making love. He’s always been on my mind no matter how much I told myself he was out. He’s back into my life, and I don’t want to let him go this time. 

“You came back to me,” I quietly say into his mouth. 

He stops the kiss and looks at me. 

“I’m right here,” he whispers back and holds me in his arms, making me rest my head on his shoulder. 

“I’m right here,” he repeats. 

He tightens his grip around me and rubs my back as he repeats the words, “I’m right here.” 

The words wash over me, and just like that I let it all out and begin to cry against his chest. 

So many people have come between us, even we came between us, but right now that doesn’t matter because all I want to do is hold my love in my arms all night and every night. 

I won’t let anyone lay a finger on him. I won’t let anyone hurt him. This love I hold right here in my heart is for him. The same person who just by thinking of them caused me torture, now stands as my remedy. 

“Eren… don’t leave,” I say as I squeeze him tighter into an embrace. “Don’t leave.” 

“I’m right here and I won’t let you leave, Mikasa,” is all he says. 

He holds me tight underneath the falling water and I close my eyes getting lost to the pattern of his breathing. I’ve missed him more than anything, more than the sun misses the moon, but above all, I’ve missed this feeling of home. 

This feels like coming home. 

**∞**

She’s cradled inside my arms as we speak about everything and anything in between the sheets of her bed. Moonlight seeps through the blinds illuminating the room in the glow of the moon as our quiet murmurs sweep the walls with a conversation that lovers only see.

She rests her hands on my forearm as I press my cheek to her temple, ghosting my lips over her skin and pecking her every now and then, eliciting sweet giggles and sighs from her in between every sentence she says. 

She speaks about her training to become a martial arts teacher, she speaks about her aunt, about Tokyo, and about everything. I listen. 

The way she paints the streets and the life of Tokyo is so vivid that I can feel that I am there walking side by side with her. It sounds like a dream, almost. Being with her, away from life’s problems and living a normal life with the girl I love. 

_ A normal life with the girl I love. Can it be that easy?  _

It is then that my stomach feels like it’s in a free fall as the haunting realization of reality dawns on me. 

I gulp with the thought of what’s going to happen with us. How can this work out? What can I offer her? 

I am so enthralled in these thoughts that I don’t hear when she says, “Eren? Are you listening?” 

“Y-yeah,” I lie, “What was it?” 

“When this is all over and we prove your innocence... let’s move to Tokyo.” 

_ That is if I can prove my innocence. Marlowe is dead. Reiner is gone, Armin too. There’s nothing that can possibly help me prove that I didn’t kill my parents that day.  _

“Eren?” she asks again. 

“I don’t know the language,” I sigh with a pang of sadness. 

Mikasa sits up slowly and turns to look at me. She holds her side for a moment and my chest stops for a bit. 

“Does it hurt?” I ask with slight panic. 

She shakes her head and smiles brightly, “It is a slight ache, nothing to worry about.” 

“Tell me if we should go to the doctor.”

“No, it’s fine.” 

She intermingles her hand into mine as she brings her other hand to caress my cheek. She’s smiling from ear to ear, as she continues to amusingly tell me about her plans. 

“You know, Eren… you can always learn Japanese. I’ll teach you! We can have a home in the countryside and we can farm the land. I can teach martial arts for extra income, I think we can really do this!” 

_ Can we really do this? Can it be so easy? I want to believe we can make it.  _

I smile at her and pinch the top of her cheekbone lightly, “Yes, Mikasa, yes.” 

“Eren, I’m being serious,” she says with a cute pout to her mouth, “I really can teach you.” 

She removes my arms from herself, crawls out of bed, and I watch as I see her moving in the darkness of the room. For a few moments she fumbles with the switch of a lamp until she turns it on. 

She looks for something, I don’t know what, but her eyes rover over the contents on top of a drawer. 

“Here it is!” she exclaims as she opens it and pulls out a notebook. 

“A pen! I need something to write with,” she mutters, more to herself than me. 

She scrambles around again and I smile as I watch her do this, studying her movements and the way a tiny frown forms between her eyebrows as she becomes lost in concentration. Nevertheless, It disappears once she finds what she’s looking for, “Found it!” 

A smile tugs at my lips watching her become excited over her small triumph, and I beckon her to come back and join me on the bed. 

“What do you have there?” I ask while holding her hand and lead her to sit in front of me until we are both facing each other with our legs extended and intermingled with one another. 

“I’m going to teach you Japanese!” 

“Oh?” 

She settles the notebook on her lap and begins to scribble what I think is the Japanese language. She draws these fancy symbols in this careful methodical way that look so foreign to me, but since she’s the one writing them it feels so familiar. 

I am so entranced by the way she bites her lip as she again becomes lost in her concentration. 

“Look!” she says, “This is Kanji for hello.” 

My smile soon turns into a pout, because what is she talking about? 

“K-kanji?” I sputter. 

“Konnichiwa,” she slowly drawls. 

I blink at her because she’s never sounded so confident speaking her mother’s tongue, and man, does she look hot doing it too. 

“K-Konnichiwa,” I attempt to say. 

“That’s good,” she says. 

I smile at her praise for me… it just feels so good coming from her. 

She continues to scribble on her notebook and I watch as her soft lashes brush over her cheekbones, and the way her lips form a pout as she carefully draws lines and writes in her language is heartwarming to say the least. 

She speaks and smiles in between every syllable she pronounces and enunciates, and I stare, I stare a little too much and I’m sure there’s a goofy grin on my face. 

As I watch her I remember that sweet face that stared at me all those years ago. The short jet black hair that would brush over her shoulders every time she’d turn to look at me, and the tiny smile she’d save just for me. But... it wasn’t just her looking at me… it was the way she looked at me. 

I could never understand how she could look at me like that… like the sun was shining out of my ass. 

Even when I was at my worst she’d hold the same eyes, even as she was calling me out for something wrong I did, it was always those same eyes that’d stare at me. 

“Eren?” she asks. 

She frowns. 

“Eren!” she repeats. 

“Huh?” 

“Are you paying attention?” 

“Y-yeah.” 

“What did I say then?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Uh…” I begin to answer, but god, I am distracted by her looking at me...  _ she looks beautiful, ethereal.  _

“Eren?” 

No thoughts, my mind has gone blank and when I open my mouth the only words that are uttered are, “You’re beautiful.” 

She opens her mouth to protest, but she remains with her mouth ajar as she closes her mouth and her cheeks become ruddy as she brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. She’s embarrassed. 

“Mikasa… you’re beautiful.” 

I smile looking at her and watch how she tries to think of what to answer. 

“Thanks,” she shyly whispers. 

I run my hand underneath her chin and caress the temple of her cheek with my thumb as I lick my lips and lean forward pulling her towards me. Her tongue slides into my mouth first and I pull her closer to me pressing the palm of my hand on her back and I lean to my back, until she’s on top of me. 

Her fingers wrap on the strands of my hair and she gently tugs as she presses herself up against my chest. We break the kiss. 

I can feel her breath on my face, the tickle of the ends of her hair on my jaw and she looks at me. 

“We’ll make it,” she says with such surety, “I know we can make it if we try.” 

She smiles down at me and I swallow as I once again I bring her lips to me. Closer, I just want to be closer. 

“We’ll make it,” I assure her.

I wrap my hands around her waist and she winces for a bit. 

“Ah.” 

“Did I hurt you?” 

I help her sit up slowly and she pulls her shirt up to reveal the bandages. 

“I’m fine,” she assures. 

“Come here,” I gently urge as I fluff the pillows and help her settle her back against my chest. 

I can get used to the feeling of her body against mine. It’s her warmth, her weight leaning against me, her scent that overtakes my senses and opens a floodgate of memories, it’s  _ just all of her _ . Just having her here feels like I’m coming home to a home cooked meal. 

I settle my arms over her frame and close my eyes as I lean my head against the headboard.  _ This is my kingdom,  _ I think. This is where I come to when I spend the night searching for a light, for a roof over my head, for a place to call my own. 

“Eren?” 

“Yeah.”

“Did you ever think about me?” 

It is quiet and the rustle of the sheets moving below me fills the spaces of sound. 

I think about how ridiculous her question is, because there truly wasn’t a moment I didn’t think about her. Or a time her name never failed to threaten to leave my lips in the cold cell room I refused to call home. To tell her that the thought of her never left me falls short, but some things aren’t made justice by just words. 

“Everyday,” I breathe. 

I open my eyes to find her staring up at me and she smiles. 

“You?”

“Did you think of me? Or did you curse my name?” 

She sighs, “No, I never cursed your name.” 

“No?” I tease. 

“Maybe once.” 

“Okay then, how often did you think of me?” 

She’s quiet and I give her time while I watch her hands fumble over her thighs, and the natural curve of her mouth becomes a straight line as she speaks in a whisper-like voice, “There’s... a tree in my Aunt Kiyomi’s yard...” 

She pauses and gives a saddened smile as she reminisces. 

“Rain or shine, I’d sit underneath it… it was in those moments that I tried to think about anything really, but my thoughts always came back to you. What were you doing? Were you eating well? Were you scared? Did you miss me? There were times I asked if there was something I did wrong with you, why you never wrote back or called. Was it me who was at fault? I felt like a shell of a person for a long time.” 

My heart sinks as she says this, because it was my fault why she felt like this. It was me who brought her all this pain and misery… and nothing more. I hate this about myself. I hate how I’ve hurt her and how I’ll continue to hurt her. 

The scar above her eye has always been my constant reminder, mocking every decision I’ve taken. 

“Eren?” 

Her hand somehow ends up in mine, and for the life of me I don’t know how that happened. How is it that her hand slips into mine every single time it comes at a proximity. 

Slowly, I bring her hand to my lips and I stare up at her as she looks at me when I kiss her hand. 

"I will knock down every boundry that makes you hurt." _Even if it's me. Tsk._ That pesky voice again. 

No one’s gonna hurt her, no one, not even me. I want Mikasa to live a long life, and she will be happy no matter what. 

Right now, I want her inside my space, I want her to never let me go, and I so badly want to do the same. I will do the same. We can make this work. We can make it if we try. I will hold on to her love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My eyes are getting ready to close here. If there are mistakes, flow is weird, or this makes no sense, it's because I'm sleepy, very sleepy. GN and Happy Valentine's Day.


End file.
